


Stay Gucci, Casanova

by smellslikelithium



Category: Panic! at the Disco, The Brobecks
Genre: Alternate Universe, Breaking Up & Making Up, Chatting & Messaging, Complete, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, Fluff, Happy Ending, Humor, Idiots in Love, LGBTQ Themes, Light Angst, M/M, No Smut, Post-Coital Cuddling, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2020-02-26 19:38:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 44,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18723622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smellslikelithium/pseuds/smellslikelithium
Summary: In which Brendon lands a role on Broadway, and he has only five months left with his favorite bean.





	1. 1: Texts and McDonald's

Brenny: Ryan

Brenny: Ryan

Brenny: Ryan

Brenny: Baby

Brenny: My love

Brenny: Beautiful person

Brenny: Fucking troll ass hoe

Ryro: Who the fuck are you calling a hoe you hoe

Brenny: Well it got your attention so stfu

Ryro: *aggressively exhales*

Brenny: I just got out of my audition

Ryro: Oh shit, how did it go?

Brenny: Not to sound cocky but DAMN I FUCKING NAILED IT

Ryro: FUCK YEAH

Ryro: *insert celebration meme*

Brenny: I’m gonna jump on a plane in a few hours since I’m hella bored in NYC and I miss you

Ryro: Babe don’t say that that’s gay

Brenny: Look who’s talking, Mr. Cockslut

Ryro: *report cyber bullying meme*

Ryro: I hate you

Brenny: Love you too

Brenny: rawr xD

read at 1:23 pm

~~

Brendon Urie gleefully walks down the hall in his apartment, his keys in hand as he makes his way to his door. Once he gets to the blue-painted door he unlocks it, poking his head inside and looking for his boyfriend. “Honey,” he calls, “I’m home!”

He gets no response, which prompts him to properly enter the loft he and his boyfriend have resided in for nearly four months now, closing the door behind him. “Ryan?” He calls, tossing his keys onto their couch. He’s aware that’s not the best place for them, but he doesn’t care. “Baby, are you home?”

He kicks his shoes off, leaving them in the living room as he walks to his bedroom door. He slowly opens it, stepping inside and nearly swooning at the sight of his boyfriend asleep on the white sheets, cuddling Brendon’s pillow. Brendon chuckles to himself, dropping his travel bag and crawling into the bed and approaching his love on all fours. He moves so he’s straddling him, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. “Hey, dipshit,” he whispers.

Ryan stirs, slowly opening his eyes and letting go of Brendon’s pillow so he can wrap his arms around Brendon’s neck instead. “Took you long enough to get home,” he says, tiredly smiling as his heart gets a familiar warm and tingling feeling inside of him. “I’ve missed you.”

Brendon smiles, his hands holding himself up on either side of Ryan’s head. “I was only gone for like, two days.”

Ryan shrugs. “Two days too many. Two days feels like an eternity when you’re in love with a Urie.”

“Yeah, I understand that.” Brendon nods. “Uries are known for being catches.”

Ryan chuckles, gently rolling his eyes. “Yeah, okay. If that’s what floats your boat.”

Brendon chuckles back at him, leaning down and capturing Ryan’s lips in a quick kiss he’s been dying for since he left. “So,” Brendon muttered against Ryan’s lips, “do you have any dinner ideas?”

Ryan hums in thought. “How about our usual Friday night escapade?”

Brendon pulls away, smiling down at him. “McDonald’s drive through?”

Ryan nods, a small grin playing on his lips. “Precisely.”

Brendon nods back at him, sitting up and giving Ryan room to get up. “Alright, that sounds like a plan.”

~~

“Let me get this straight,” Brendon starts, his hands gripping his steering wheel as he drives down the street. “All you did the past two days while I was gone was listen to Green Day demos?”

Ryan nods, looking over at him from the passenger seat. “You say that like it’s a bad thing,” he says, sounding defensive.

“It’s not that, it’s just not how I picture you being alone,” Brendon says. “I always think of you sipping tea and reading Chuck Palahniuk novels on a sunny meadow, spitting on those with no intellect when I’m not with you.”

Ryan laughs at that, his arms crossed as he sits with horrible posture in his seat. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I did read some Palahniuk after you left. I’m rereading Invisible Monsters for the millionth time because it somehow helps me sleep.”

Brendon gently smiles at that, reaching his hand over to hold Ryan’s. “Well, that’s good to hear. Have you been getting decent sleep lately?”

Ryan cocks his head to the side, giving Brendon a confused look. “Define decent.”

Brendon sighs, giving him a stare Ryan once nicknamed the dreadful mom. “Ryan.”

“Bren, don’t give me the dreadful mom. It’s not as bad as it used to be. I got, like, seven hours of sleep last night.”

“And the night before?”

Ryan nervously laughs. “Yeah, about that.”

Brendon casts a sad look towards him as he pulls up to the drive through. “God, Ryan. You need to go to a doctor or something.”

“But I made up for it by getting those seven hours and napping before you got home, so don’t be so negative,” Ryan protests, ignoring his advice. “Besides, you’re home now. You don’t have to worry your deranged little noggin about me anymore.”

Brendon smirks at that, reaching up and blindly ruffling Ryan’s hair. “It’s only deranged for you, Vanilla Bean.”

~~

“Hey, I know this song.” Ryan sits up straighter as he reaches into his takeout bag and grabs a handful of fries as he listens to the song playing on the radio. “I think I lost my virginity to it. Or maybe I had my first kiss with it. I honestly can’t remember, all of high school feels like a blur.”

Brendon chuckles at that, parking the car and reaching into his own bag. “God, you sound like such a fuckboy right now.”

“I must be spending too much time with you.”

Brendon scoffs. “Says the one who lost one of their virginities to a Katy Perry song,” he teases.

Ryan smirks. “Sounds like someone’s jealous.”

Brendon chuckles, reaching out to ruffle Ryan’s hair. “Yeah, okay bud.”

Ryan looks up from the radio and is suddenly aware of their surroundings; they’re parked in an open field, and Ryan vaguely recognizes it from one of the nights he spent looking up at the stars about a week after he met Brendon. In very few ways, it was a simpler time.

“Wanna sit on the hood of the car?” Brendon asks. “I know how much you like stars.”

Ryan smiles, nodding. “Sure.”

They get out of the car and sit on the hood, one of Brendon’s arms around Ryan’s shoulders and the other in his takeout bag so he can eat his nuggets. Ryan slowly smiles up at the stars you can only see if you go somewhere like this, and he thanks whatever deity that exists for the millionth time that he got blessed to be with someone like Brendon.

“The stars are beautiful tonight,” Brendon observes. “But you know who else is more beautiful?”

Ryan turns his head to look at him, feigning annoyance. “Who, me?”

“I was gonna say me,” Brendon says, pulling Ryan closer with a playful smirk, “but I guess you’re not that bad looking too.”

Ryan playfully slaps Brendon’s shoulder. “Oh, shut up.” He rests his head on Brendon’s chest, sighing as he feels the other boy’s arms tighten around him as they look up at the stars. The takeout has officially been abandoned.

“Hey, Ryan?”

Ryan lifts his head, looking at Brendon. “Yeah?”

Brendon smiles, reaching a hand up to cup the side of Ryan’s face. The pad of his thumb strokes Ryan’s cheek, loving how he leans into his touch like it’s something he needs to survive. “I love you.”

Ryan’s cheeks heat up, a bashful smile gracing his soft lips as he lets out a small breathy chuckle. He turns his head, kissing Brendon’s palm before looking up at him with his brown eyes that vaguely remind Brendon of milk chocolate. “I love you,” he says softly. “No homo though.”

Brendon laughs, placing his hand on the nape of Ryan’s neck and gently pushing his head back down to rest on his chest. “That’s right, Ry,” he breathes. His hand moves down to gently rub Ryan’s back, his other hand gently twirling his brown hair. “No homo at all.”


	2. 2: Morning Bliss and Anxieties

To Brendon, mornings were the best part of the day.

His mornings were typically the same everyday; he’d wake up, annoy Ryan, be dragged out of bed to shower, potentially do gay things in said shower, and then go on with his day. But it’s the small things that make him love it so much, like waking up next to his favorite person to ever walk the face of the Earth.

To Brendon, Ryan Ross is the most beautiful person in the world. Though he doesn’t seem to think so himself, Brendon tries his best to let him know how oblivious he is on a daily basis. If Brendon were to pick something about Ryan that he loved the most, he’d pick his mouth; he loves the way it’s corners tilt up into a tired smile every morning when he says good morning, and he loves the way the corners tilt downwards in a frown when he doesn’t get a joke, only for them to turn right back up into a large grin when he finally does. 

Not to mention it’s good at other things, but that’s private information not suitable for Christian Roblox servers.

But there are so many things about Ryan that Brendon loves. He’s stated on many occasions that if he had the time he’d make a PowerPoint presentation of all the reasons why everyone should love Ryan Ross because he’s “just that great.” The first thing that really attracted Brendon to him was how he was always seen writing in his notebook; it was a small brown thing, and it looked like it was older than the both of them combined. When they met their senior years of university, Ryan would never be caught dead without it. In the early stages of their relationship, Brendon would sneak glances for as long as he could get away with so he could get a glimpse of what he was writing. When Ryan finally got the courage to show him, Brendon was speechless from all the songs that were written on the pages. It’s those songs that really made Brendon begin to fall hard.

But one thing that Brendon doesn’t love about Ryan is that he’s a morningbird. While Brendon tries to be, he just wasn’t born that way and he thinks he knows better than to tempt fate.

“Brendon, let go of me. This is involuntary confinement, which is a federal crime.” Ryan groans, squirming and trying to get away from Brendon’s death grip. “I have work, let me go.”

Brendon whines, holding Ryan closer. “Come on, take the day off. It’s Brenny time.”

Ryan sighs, going limp and letting Brendon hold onto him. “Yesterday was my day off, hence that’s the only Brenny time I’ll be able to get until next Friday. I seriously have to go.”

Brendon sighs, letting him go. “Fine, you cum stain.”

Ryan gets out of bed, looking back at his very naked boyfriend sprawled out on the sheets and beginning to feel bad. “Hey,” he says softly, getting Brendon’s attention. “You wanna join me in the shower?”

That makes him perk up. “Do I!?”

Ryan chuckles. “One, two-”

“I’m up, I’m up!” Brendon jumps out of bed, tiredly rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he stumbles into the bathroom. “Geez, you sounded like my mother for a second.”

“It takes one to know one.”

“Fuck off.”

~~

“You’re fidgeting more than usual,” Ryan observes with a raised eyebrow. “Is something wrong?”

Brendon shakes his head as his knee bounces up and down, his fingers drumming a staccato beat on the kitchen table instead of holding a spoon so he can eat his cereal. “No, there’s nothing wrong. I’m just nervous.”

Ryan frowns, sitting at the table across from him and holding his own bowl of cereal. “About what?”

“The whole Broadway thing,” Brendon explains. “I mean, I think I did good, but the Broadway Bros might not think so.”

Ryan chuckles at that, putting his bowl down. “Please tell me you did not refer to your future employers as Broadway Bros,” he says in between chuckles. “That’s the verbal equivalent of a cursed image.”

Brendon manages a small snicker. “I don’t know what else to call them, but it’s not like it matters. They’ll probably just forget about me.”

Ryan blinks. “How the hell could that happen? You’re Brendon Urie.”

Brendon shrugs, looking down at his bowl of now soggy Cheerios and frowning. “It’s possible.”

Ryan sighs. “Bren, look at me.” He reaches out and rests his hand over Brendon’s as he slowly looks up at him. “You’re fucking amazing. If you were anything but, I seriously doubt that talent scout at the karaoke bar would have offered you a role in the first place. If those Broadway Bros have any brain cells, they’ll cast you as Kevin Price without a second thought. If they don’t, it’s not the end of the world and you can make something of yourself without their help. And don’t say you’re forgettable or anything like that; I wouldn’t be dating you if I thought you were just some John on the street.”

“Who’s John?” Brendon asks, only half joking. “What did he do to you?”

Ryan rolls his eyes. “My point is that you’re the most memorable person I’ve ever met. I don’t know anyone other than you that would announce to an entire Walmart that Dallon is a moist tuna fish salad.”

Brendon chuckles a bit at that. “I remember that. T’was a fun day.”

“I remember it too, and I’m sure that confused employee that told you to get off the item conveyor belt thing remembers it too,” Ryan agrees. “In conclusion, you’re pretty great and anyone who says otherwise is gonna have to catch these hands. Now eat your cereal and have a great day at work, you crayon.”

~~

“Did they tell him when they’d call and tell him if he got the part?” Elizabeth, Ryan’s co-worker and unofficial best friend, asks as she and Ryan walk one dog each for one of their customers.

Ryan shakes his head. “No, and I think that’s what’s stressing him out the most.”

Elizabeth frowns, looking down at the Golden Retriever attached to the red leash she has a death grip on. “How do you feel about all this?”

“What do you mean?” Ryan asks. “I’m his boyfriend. I’m more proud of him than I’ve ever been for anything.”

“Yeah yeah, I know. But that’s not what I mean.” She says, turning her head and looking up at him. She really is quite beautiful, Ryan notices; beautiful curly blond hair with light red lipstick. If he were straight, he’d definitely tap Elizabeth. “I mean,” she continues, “how do you feel about how it’ll affect your relationship?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Ryan shrugs, looking down at the beagle he’s been entrusted with walking. “Honestly, I’ve been trying not to think about it until we find out if he gets the part or not.”

Elizabeth nods. “Yeah, that’s fair,” she agrees. “But I just wanna warn you now about long distance relationships-”

“I mean, I’d rather you not,” Ryan interrupts. “But thanks anyway, I guess. Though I feel like I should warn you, however, that the dog you’re walking has just taken a monster shit all over your new shoes.”

“What?” She asks, looking down at her silver Toms and groaning. “Oh, shit!”

“That’s what you get for trying to dictate my relationship,” Ryan playfully smirks.

“Oh, go piss up a pole.”

“That’s not physically possible.”

“You’re not physically possible.”

“I love working with you, Z.”

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Be sure to let me know what you think in the comments <3


	3. 3: TV and Tim Burton

To Ryan, the evening is the best part of the day.

His nightly routine is typically this: he curls up on the couch next to Brendon as they watch TV, one of them reminds the other that they have to go to bed, and Ryan sits up reading while Brendon hogs the bathroom. Sometimes Brendon will ask him to read to him, which he happily agrees to do every single time. Sometimes Ryan’s antsy and can’t sleep, so Brendon plays with his hair and sings to him to lull him into a slumber. Either way, the night ends with them being together. That’s all Ryan can really hope for at this point; after living a life feeling unloved, being with Brendon is like finding shelter in a hurricane.

“You know what I just realized?” Brendon asks when Ryan enters the living room, a bowl of chips in one hand and a bowl of guacamole in the other. “You can really tell what kind of a person someone is by their favorite Friends character.”

“Can you really though?” Ryan asks, putting the bowls down on the coffee table and sitting down next to his boyfriend. Brendon lifts his arm and wraps it around Ryan’s shoulders, getting into their usual sitting position. “Like,” Ryan continues, “my favorite character is probably Ross. That doesn’t say that much about me.”

Brendon looks at him, feigning offence. “Um, that says you have horrible taste and that you deserve to get out of my house.”

Ryan rolls his eyes, getting comfortable on the couch and leaning into the other boy’s touch. “We share this house, you wart. If I leave, you leave too.”

“I’m going to ignore the fact that you just called me a wart because I love you and I won’t allow your horrible potty mouth to soil our relationship sanctuary,” Brendon dismisses, making the brunet next to him laugh. “Just admit that Rachel is the best girl and Joey is the best guy.”

“No, because that’s bullshit,” Ryan protests. “Everyone knows that Phoebe is the best girl and Chandler is the best guy. Forget Ross, you’ve ruined him for me.”

Brendon looks at him as if he’s just asked the stupidest question in the world. “Uh, remind me why we’re dating again?”

Ryan gives him a sweet smile, bringing his hands up to cup his own face. “Because I’m cute.”

Brendon rolls his eyes, a small smile gracing his lips as he turns back to the TV. “Whatever. Now shut up, I like this episode.”

~~

“Painkillers and estrogen are pretty much Brandy’s only two food groups, and she says, `Gimme, gimme, gimme,’” Ryan reads, his copy of Chuck Palahniuk’s Invisible Monsters resting on his thighs, his left hand turning the pages and his right hand gently carding through Brendon’s hair as he intently looks up at him. “She snacks on some little pink-coated Estinyls.”

Brendon watches him with soft eyes, listening to Ryan’s voice travel through the room. He’s not really paying attention to what’s being said, and he doesn’t need to; he read this book in the middle of his seemingly unrequited crush on Ryan. He saw the brunet reading Monsters in a music theory lecture in college one day a distant year ago and they talked about it, Brendon pretending to have read it so he can keep talking to the angel in front of him. The second their conversation ended he ran out of the hall and to the library, getting a copy of Monsters and reading it all in one night. But he knows how much Ryan loves the novel, so he sits and listens to him rereading it for the (literal) millionth time as they lay in bed.

At some point Brendon lets out a quiet whine, throwing an arm across Ryan’s waist and nuzzling his nose against his clothed thigh. “You’re so cute,” he mumbles. “You and your books about transgender murderers are so fucking cute.”

Ryan closes the book, putting it on their bedside table before giving his boyfriend all his attention. He lays back, turning to face Brendon, who’s arm is now wrapped around his torso and is rubbing small circles onto his back with the pad of his thumb. “It’s more than that, Brendon,” he says. “And Evie isn’t a murderer. It’s only attempted, since Brandy doesn’t even die.”

“Oh,” Brendon smirks, “like that’s any better.”

Ryan shrugs. “I mean, it kind of is.”

“Come on, just shush your trap and cuddle me.”

Despite the way they talk to each other, they really are in love; some may look at them sometimes and think they’re more clingy than they should be, but that’s just the way they are. People roll their eyes when Brendon takes Ryan’s hand on the way home from the store, and they give them looks of disgust when they swing their arms and skip (yes, literally skip) home. You’d think that Ryan wouldn’t like all the touches, but he really does. He loves them almost as much as he loves Brendon. Almost.

When Brendon first heard about how TLC-deprived Ryan’s childhood was, he made it his personal mission to make up for all those years of neglect. Not that Ryan minds or anything; it was a little weird at first, but now he embraces it. Much like he’s embracing Brendon now.

“Hey, is everything okay?” Brendon asks, Ryan’s head now resting on his bare chest. “You seem sad. Is there someone I have to fight?”

Ryan forces out a small, weak chuckle. “No,” he says, his leg in between Brendon’s as he lifts his head up so he can look at him. “It’s nothing. I’m just being paranoid.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Brendon picks up Ryan’s hand, kissing the back of it before kissing each individual knuckle. “I’m all ears if you do.”

Ryan slowly shakes his head, holding back a sarcastic comment. “No, it’s okay.” He tilts his head at Brendon, his hand going up to cup his jawline. “I just…” He trails off, his thumb tracing over Brendon’s lips. “I just love you, that’s all.”

Brendon grins, and it’s the kind of grin only Ryan gets to see. It’s a look that just shows how happy he is, and Ryan loves being the sole cause of it. Brendon reaches up and cups the side of his face, taking in the moment they’re in. “I love you, Ryan. Very very much.”

Ryan smiles at that, leaning in for a quick kiss before resting his head back onto Brendon’s chest. “Can you sing tonight?”

“Sure,” Brendon answers. “What do you wanna hear?”

Ryan shrugs. “I don’t care. Just don’t let there be silence.”

That’s one of the many things Ryan loves about Brendon; there’s never any silence when there never needs to be. That proves true tonight, when Ryan moves his head to his pillow so Brendon can sit up. Ryan takes Brendon’s hand as he begins singing, kissing the back of it before nuzzling it against his cheek, his eyes slipping shut.

“Oh, somewhere deep inside of my bones,” He sings softly, moving some of Ryan’s hair away from his forehead, “an emptiness began to grow.”

Despite the circumstances, Ryan thinks back to the reason he feels paranoid; it’s all because of his conversation with Elizabeth nearly four days ago. He knows it’s stupid to be worrying about something that hasn’t even been finalized yet, but he can’t help it. Brendon was there for him during the aftermath of a dark part of his life, and neither of them are willing to let go of what they have.

“There’s something out there, far from my home. A longing that I’ve never known.”

Ryan tries not to snicker at the irony of his thoughts corresponding to Jack’s Lament. He supposes that sometimes life truly does imitate art.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Don't be afraid to let me know what you think <3 I'm always looking for ways to improve my writing


	4. 4: Casanova and a Masturbating Hero

Frantic knocking is heard on their apartment door. “Brendon.” More knocking. “Brendon.” More knocking. “Brendon.”

Brendon groans, drying his hands on a towel before leaving the kitchen and opening the front door. “What do you want, you troll?”

His best friend grins, stepping inside and kicking his shoes off. “Now, Brendon. Is that any way to treat your guest? Who also happens to be your favorite person in the world?”

“Uh, I take offence to that.” Ryan chimes in from the kitchen sink, picking up the discarded towel and pretending to whip it at their guest. “And hello to you too, Dallon.”

Dallon falls back onto their couch, sighing in relief. “Man, you would not believe the day I’ve had.”

Brendon glances at the clock above their door. “It’s not even noon, bud.” He turns back to Dallon, sitting down next to him and feigning sympathy. “My condolences.”

“So I guess it’s my turn to do the dishes today,” Ryan mumbles loud enough for Brendon to hear. “I guess my boyfriend helping me was just too much to ask for.”

“I mean, I would,” Brendon begins, “but Dallon’s had a rough day. I have to fulfill my job as his best broski and I must always be here for him.”

Dallon grins, taking Brendon’s hand and putting it to his cheek. “You’re the best.”

Brendon retracts his hand in mock disgust, wiping it on the couch before letting it rest on his thigh. “So, what is it you really came here for? If it’s money, I’m afraid we don’t have any. Ryan blew it all on dildos last night.”

Ryan drops a dish into the sink in surprise. “Look who’s talking,” he loudly retorts.

“Nah, it’s none of that. It’s Breezy,” Dallon explains. “I was looking up pet names to strengthen our relationship, and I found a list I like. I wanna run them by you guys since, you know, you’re in love and have various pet names for each other.”

“Oh yeah, we have tons,” Brendon agrees. “My personal favorite is Waste Of Oxygen.”

“Mine is Moist Egg!” Ryan calls.

“Yeah, but I’m not like that with Breezy. I’m not about that life, so listen.” Dallon takes out his phone and pulls up the list he found. “How about Babes?”

Brendon cringes. “Ew, that sounds like you’re referring to two girls instead of one. She might get the wrong idea.”

“What about just Babe?”

“If you wanna be basic, sure.”

“Okay, how about Beloved?”

“Too cheesy. Next.”

“Hon’ Bun?”

“What are you, a grandma?”

“Fair enough. My Queen?”

“Nah. She’s not Beyonce.”

“Sweetie?”

“I’m sorry, did Breezy just become your daughter?”

Dallon groans, dropping his phone on his face. “I’ll never be able to do it. I’ll die alone.”

“Come on, keep reading.” Ryan walks out of the kitchen, joining them on the couch. “I wanna see where this goes.”

“Bun Butt?”

Brendon gives him an offended look. “Dallon, is love some kind of cruel joke to you?”

“Cheese Ball?”

“Ooh,” Ryan coos. “I like that one.”

Brendon scoffs. “Yeah okay, Mr. Cheez Whiz.”

“Buttercup?”

“Eh, not really.”

Dallon squints at the screen. “Casanova?”

Ryan perks up at that. “Casanova?” He tests out. “For your girlfriend?”

“I seriously doubt she’ll like being called a womanizer,” Brendon states. “But I like it.”

“Me too.” Ryan nods. “Watch that be my stripper name.”

“Wait,” Brendon confusedly starts, “I thought your stripper name was gonna be Vanilla Bean.”

“It can be both,” Ryan says. “Casanova Vanilla Bean. Wait no, that sounds wrong.” He shakes his head. “I’m gay, how can I be a womanizer?”

Brendon nods. “Yes,” he answers.

“Wait!” Dallon bolts up, turning to face the both of them with a large grin on his face. “What about...drum roll, please.”

Brendon and Ryan simulate a drum roll on their thighs.

“Febreezy!” Dallon proclaims. “Because she always smells nice and it’s fun to say!”

They’re all silent for a few seconds, the quiet being broken by Brendon’s sudden laughter. “Dude, yes!” He chuckles. “If she doesn’t appreciate it, she was never the girl for you.”

Dallon nods, a look of serious determination on his face. “You’re right.” He stands up, putting his shoes on. “I’m off to go woo my girl with my awesome idea. I’ll see you two fucks later.”

“Bye!” Brendon waves, impersonating a Valley girl.

Once Dallon leaves, Ryan turns to Brendon with his arms crossed and a look on his face that looks like it’s trying too hard to be strict. “Now that he’s gone, can you please help me with the dishes?”

Brendon sighs, following it with a groan. “Oh, fine.” He gets up, allowing Ryan to lead him back to the kitchen. “But I get a blowjob as a thank you.”

“You get nothing and you’ll like it.”

“That’s, like, the exact opposite of a kink. I’ve never heard of anything like it.”

“I’m gonna ignore you until you scrub at least one pan.”

“Yes, Mom.”

~~

“Argh!” Ryan loudly groans, shoving his laptop off his lap and onto the bed beneath him. “Can life just fuck off for a second?”

Brendon pokes his head into their bedroom, a confused look on his face as his toothbrush hangs from his mouth. “Hmm?”

Ryan sighs, leaning back against the wall behind him. “It’s Green Day,” he says, his eyes shutting. “They’ve announced a tour and tickets go on sale in two days. I really wanna go but no, apparently taxes and keeping myself alive are more important things in life,” he groans again.

Brendon makes an aweing sound, walking to the bathroom to spit out his toothpaste and rinse off his toothbrush before joining Ryan in their room. “Oh, bean,” he genuinely coos, sitting cross-legged beside him. “I’m sorry.”

Ryan’s head falls forward, his eyes still shut. “This is, like, the first time I can actually go to one of their concerts without school or my dad getting in the way. They got me through high school, you know?” Brendon nods. “It wasn’t the best time in my life, and I had this thing that made the world seem not as ugly as I originally thought it was. I just wanna have the whole Green Day experience, you know?”

Brendon nods, reaching out and gently rubbing his bean’s shoulder. “I know, babe.”

Ryan says nothing else, a gloomy ora settling over the usually cheerful room. It stays silent until Brendon removes his hand, tilting Ryan’s head up with his finger and his thumb. “Hey, come on. Look at me.” He sighs when Ryan doesn’t move. “Come on, I wanna see your eyes. They remind me of chocolate, you know? Like that chocolate milkshake I bought you on our second date. You remember that, right?”

Ryan barely nods. “Yeah.”

“It’s where you blushed in front of me for the first time,” Brendon recollects. “I took the straw out of my milkshake and balanced it on my lip like a musta - seriously Ryan, I’m not gonna stop talking until you either look or smile at me - like a mustache and you thought I looked hilariously sexy. A waitor gave us a weird look with a thumbs up, and you had to put your head down on the booth we were sitting at so no one would see how much you were blushing. But I saw, and I think I died that night.”

Ryan smiles a bit, his eyes opening and looking up at his boyfriend. Brendon grins. “Now there’s that smile with those eyes.” He leans in and kisses Ryan’s cheek. “You’re so beautiful, you know that? It’s actually pretty unfair. I think I’m gonna sue you for it.”

Ryan opens his mouth to protest. “Brendon-”

“I’ll see you in court, honey.” Brendon gets off the bed and mimes riding away on a scooter. “Just pretend I’m riding away on a conveniently placed scooter.”

Ryan giggles, tucking some of his shaggy brown hair behind his ear. “You’re a dork, you know that?”

Brendon grins back at him, crawling back onto the bed and giving him a quick kiss. “Yeah, I’m a dork. A-dork-ted to you, V.B.”

Ryan blinks, his face blank as he points to the bedroom door. “Get out. Get the fuck out of here with that shit.”

Brendon cackles, lifting the blanket so he can slip under it. “You’re just jealous I came up with it first.”

“No, I’m jealous of everyone in the world with a normal boyfriend.”

“Oh, you love it.”

“Okay, if you say so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Be sure to let me know what you think <3


	5. 5: Babies and Sleeping Gays

“How’s Brendon?” Elizabeth asks, holding a large Golden Retriever who’s apparently named Big Daddy. She walks to Ryan, who’s preparing a kiddie pool filled with water and soap so they can wash the canine. “Has he heard back from those Broadway people yet?”

“What’s with your sudden fascination in regards to my boyfriend?” Ryan asks. “Is there something you’d like to share with the class, Ms. Berg?”

She snorts at that, putting the dog down into the pool. “God, as if. In case you haven’t heard, I’m very much lesbian and in a great polyamorous relationship with my guitar and vocal chords,” she smirks. “It’s just that my life is very boring, so I have to live vicariously through my friends and their Broadway bound boyfriends.”

Their conversation is cut short while they bathe Big Daddy, which takes longer than it should due to him escaping the pool a handful of times and having to be wrestled to the ground by Elizabeth while Ryan cleaned up any messes that were made. Once he’s all dried off and set free in his playroom (Ryan’s a little annoyed that a dog has more of a playroom than he ever had at home, but he figures a dog named Big Daddy deserves the best treatment), he and Elizabeth sit on the front porch steps with bottles of soda at their feet.

“Honestly, I don’t know why you’d name a dog Big Daddy.” She states, taking a swig of her coke. “I mean, he doesn’t even look like one. He looks like a Lucky, or maybe a Buster. Just definitely not a Big Daddy.”

“Let’s be real for a second, Z,” Ryan starts. “The only daddy we can both agree on is Billie Joe Armstrong.”

“Oh, amen to that.” Elizabeth raises her arms with her palms to the sky, as if praising God. “A fucking men. Except for the fucking men part. Gross.”

“You really know how to make a man feel beautiful, Elizabeth.”

She scoffs, shaking her head. “Oh calm down, you’re hardly even a man yet.”

“I’m gonna ignore you for the sake of our friendship.”

“Oh, just like how you avoid the need to shower?”

“I swear to fucking-”

~~

“Oh, for pete’s sake,” Brendon groans down at his phone, his attention now away from the TV. “There’s more Pete drama.”

“Pete?” Ryan asks. “As in, Pete Wentz? As in, the Pete we used to be friends with until he ditched us for his band? As in-”

“Yes, bean.” Brendon nods. “That Pete Wentz.”

“What is it now?” Ryan asks, leaning his head on Brendon’s shoulder. “Is he having another existential crisis? Or is it a midlife one this time? Because either way, I relate.”

Brendon’s phone vibrates, and he takes one look at it before jumping off the couch and pacing. “No, it’s worse,” he says, anxiety laced in his voice.

Ryan furrows his eyebrows at him. “What is it?”

“It’s Meagan, his girlfriend.” Brendon stops walking. “She’s pregnant.”

Ryan’s jaw drops. “Holy shit.”

Brendon nods. “Yeah.” He frantically texts Pete back, his phone vibrating again soon after. “He says they don’t know what to do. He posted this long ass Twitter thread and I kind of feel bad.”

“Jesus Christ,” Ryan sighs. “I’m kinda glad I’m gay now.”

“I know, right?” Brendon sits back down next to him, Ryan’s head returning to his shoulder. “I can’t imagine having a kid in general. I don’t know how Pete’s gonna handle it.”

“If he wasn’t such an asshole, I’d suggest that we babysit the kid if he wanted us to,” Ryan offers. “He and Meagan could go off and do whatever they do when they’re alone while the kid spends time with cool Uncle Ryan and his deranged boyfriend Brendick.”

Brendon snorts. “Cool Uncle Ryan?” He asks, finishing off his question with a chuckle. “You’re so cute when you pretend you’re better than me.”

Ryan sticks his tongue out at him, wrapping his arms around Brendon’s torso as the latter lays on his back. “You’re mean,” Ryan playfully whines.

Brendon chuckles, wrapping his arms around his favorite person. “I love you too.”

Ryan rolls his eyes, focusing his attention back on the TV. Some show he’s never heard of is playing, and he assumes Brendon only turned it on so they can make fun of it together. He’s surprised when Brendon says nothing the entire time, one of his hands cradling the nape of Ryan’s neck and the other resting on the small of Ryan’s back.

The show ends and Brendon decides it’s time for him to finally go pee. “Ryan, get up,” he groans. He looks down at Ryan and sees that he somehow fell asleep, and he gently shakes him. “Ryan, I have to evacuate my bowels,” he whispers. “If I don’t I’ll internally combust, and I don’t think you want that on your conscience.”

Ryan shifts in his sleep, his leg slotting between Brendon’s and crushing his crotch with his knee. Brendon yelps, his need to pee getting stronger. “Ryan, come on,” he whimpers. “Wake up, you beautiful piece of shit.” He shakes him some more. “Bean, get up.” When nothing else works, he whispers, “Casanova?”

Ryan groans, gripping Brendon’s shirt as he buries his head into Brendon’s chest. “God, do you mind?” He mumbles. “I need my beauty sleep. Not all of us can be as naturally pretty as you.”

“I feel like I should be the one asking you if you mind,” Brendon retorts. “I have to pee and your waste of a knee is in my crotch.”

Ryan groans, rolling off Brendon and onto the floor. “Whatever. If you need me,” he cuts himself off with a yawn, resting his head on his folded arms above his head, “I’ll be right here.”

Brendon gets off the couch and bolts to the bathroom, leaving Ryan on the floor to sleep. When he leaves the bathroom a few minutes later, he comes back into the living room to see his bean fast asleep on the floor. He sighs, slowly moving the coffee table to the side so he has room to pick Ryan up.

Ryan stirs a bit when he’s lifted up into Brendon’s arms, feeling a bit like a baby with the way he’s being cradled but being too tired to care. “Brendon?” He asks, his voice soft and clearly tired.

Brendon shushes him. “No bean of mine is gonna spend the night on the floor,” he says, “especially if you’re wearing jeans.”

Ryan’s too tired to laugh, so he smiles a bit and emits a small puff of air as a reaction. He falls half asleep as he’s carried to their room, only acutely aware of being lowered onto the mattress, his pants being taken off and replaced with sweats, and being covered with a duvet.

Brendon lays down next to him under the blanket, smiling fondly at the brunet as he sleeps. “Goodnight, Casanova.” the awake boy whispers, slowly reaching out and gently tucking some of Ryan’s hair behind his ear. “On a scale of one to ten, you’re an easy eleven,” he snickers a bit. “It sucks that you’re asleep, because I just broke the system on a whole other level.”

Ryan rolls over onto his side, dismissing Brendon even in his sleep. Brendon gets the message and copies him, though sleep doesn’t come as easy for him as he thinks things over.

Actually, scratch that. He thinks everything over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think <3


	6. Anger and Slammed Doors

All Brendon’s ever wanted to do was perform.

He’s always been quite the performer; he treated school presentations like they were mini plays, and he made sure to join as many arts-related clubs as possible. He was notorious for purposely messing up choir performances, breaking into Britney Spears’ Toxic instead of the national anthem (though, to be fair, any sane person would make the same mistake) once in front his entire middle school. There was another incident in his freshman year of high school, where he was in the school musical and convinced one of his friends to start beatboxing in the middle of an execution scene. Brendon began to rap about all the popular people at school, calling some out on their `raging bullshit’ before being kicked off the stage by the drama teacher. Needless to say, he wasn’t allowed to be in a high school musical ever again.

He went to university to major in theatre acting and musical theory, also taking choir to redeem himself and to train for his `big break that’ll happen anytime now, just you wait.’ He’d do anything to perform, so you can imagine how surprised he is when he realizes he’s willing to throw it all away on a whim.

For what, you may ask? Let me ask you this: what does Brendon love more than performing? Wait, let me rephrase that: who does Brendon love more than performing?

I’ll let you answer now before I proceed. Take a moment to fill in the blanks for yourself, I’d love to hear what you all think I’m talking about.

~~

“Woah, dude!” Dallon exclaims, pressing the palms of his hands against the glass display window of a shoe shop. “Look at these shoes!”

Brendon turns to look at the tall stilettos, smiling a bit while swallowing some guilt in his stomach. “Oh, those are nice,” he observes, his voice unintentionally soft.

“Yeah, but your kinky boots will be nicer,” Dallon proclaims. He steps away from the display and continues walking down the street, his best friend walking beside him. “If you don’t get that role, I’m gonna go down there and fight those New Yorker asswipes.”

Brendon nervously chuckles. “Yeah, uh,” he warily starts, “about that...”

Dallon stops walking, an alarmed expression adorning his face. “Wait. Did you seriously not get the role?” He grabs Brendon’s wrist before he can respond. “Come on B, we’re getting on the next plane to New York. I just need to talk-”

“No, it’s not that,” Brendon interrupts. “I, uh, maybe sorta kinda...said-”

“No.” Dallon points at him, now furious. “Do not finish your sentence unless it ends up with you accepting that goddamn role.”

“I-I just,” Brendon stutters, “I really don’t wanna leave Ryan-”

“Well, I won’t be surprised if he leaves you over this,” Dallon snaps. “That’s kind of an idiot move, Brendon. Just wait until Ryan finds out.”

“I wasn’t planning on telling hi-”

“Good.” Dallon grabs his arm again. “Because I’m going to.”

Brendon’s eyes widen. “What the fuck? No!”

Dallon remembers they’re still in public and most likely making a scene, but he doesn’t care. “Well,” he starts, “you sure as hell aren’t gonna listen to me lecturing your dumb ass. I need someone who you’ll actually listen to to tell you you’re being stupid.”

But when he tells Ryan, his reaction is far more explosive than Dallon’s.

“You what!?” He screams, causing Dallon to slip out of their apartment faster than Usain Bolt.

Brendon gulps, now very nervous. He’s never seen Ryan this angry. “I-I-”

“Brendon,” Ryan spits, gripping the kitchen counters in anger, “have you lost your fucking mind? Do I have to check you for a goddamn fucking fever? Why the hell-what?”

Brendon awkwardly stands in the middle of the kitchen, playing with his hands. “Baby, I-”

“Don’t fucking baby me right now, Urie.”

Brendon’s head shoots up in alarm. The last time Ryan referred to him by his last name, he didn’t talk to him for nearly a week. It was a dark time in the beginning of their relationship, and the both of them thought it was going to end just like that.

“Let me get this absolute bullshit straight.” Ryan crosses his arms, his face turning red. It begins to scare Brendon. “You have a chance to pursue your dream, something you’ve wanted since you were old enough to remember anything, and you just throw it away for a relationship? Do you hear yourself?”

“I-I love you Ryan, that’s why-”

“I love you too, but if Stephen Hawking came up to me and asked me if I wanted to apprentice under him, I wouldn’t hesitate for one goddamn second.” Ryan unfolds his arms. “You’re not in some Hollywood movie starring Justin Timberlake, Brendon. This is the real world, and frankly I don’t find it romantic when I hear people say that they won’t pursue their dream job so they can be with the person they love. If they’re really meant to be, they’ll find a way to work it out so they can both keep their jobs and their relationship. So when Dallon tells me what you’ve done,” he takes a much needed breath of air, “I can’t help but get just the tiniest bit pissed.”

Brendon opens his mouth to speak, but is cut off again. “You can’t let me hold you back from what you’ve always wanted,” Ryan continues, but his voice is softer now. Not quite his regular tone, but he’s not yelling anymore. “You’re the most talented and passionate person I’ve ever met, B. If you think I can live life knowing that my presence held someone back from potentially having the career of their dreams, then apparently you don’t know me at all.”

Brendon looks down at the floor, closing his eyes. He hears Ryan walk past him, and his eyes shoot open when he hears coats rustling. He spins around and sees Ryan putting his fedora on, slipping his shoes on right after. “Ryan, don’t!” Brendon exclaims, the weight of everything that’s been said in the kitchen settling on his shoulders. “God, fuck, please don’t leave,” he begins to panic, “I love you, I can’t-”

“I just need a walk,” Ryan snaps. He stands up, barely even looking at Brendon before opening the door. “Don’t bother following me. I need air and time away from whatever this is.”

And with that, he leaves, the door slamming behind him.

~~

Brendon hasn’t stopped pacing since Ryan left, trying to do anything to distract him from their fight. They’re not a couple that typically fights a lot; they get into small fights about doing the dishes or over what character is better on whatever TV show they’re watching, but big fights like this are rare.

He glances over at the clock, and his heart races when he realizes Ryan’s been gone for nearly an hour. He knows Ryan needs time to calm down, but he can’t help but get nervous for his safety. It’s beginning to get dark out; who knows what could happen?

Brendon sits down on the couch, whipping out his phone and calling the only person he knows will be willing to help.

“Hello?” A soft voice he’s known for years answers, making him sigh in relief.

“Sarah, I need you. Are you with Jenna?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please let me know what y'all think <3


	7. Venting and a Haven

Ryan doesn’t remember when and how he ended up on a park bench as the sun begins to set, but he’s too lost in his thoughts to dwell on it.

He feels a little bad for the way he spoke to Brendon. He knows he was just doing it out of love, but hearing something that annoys him mixed with not that much sleep can lead to disaster. There’s also another reason he yelled so much, but he’d rather not think about it.

A car pulls up in front of him, but he doesn’t pay attention. He doesn’t look up until a car pulls up in front of him, and he hears a familiar voice call out, “Ryan?”

He looks up, not even smiling when he sees who’s in the car. “Breezy,” he breathes.

She gets out of the car, rushing to his side. “Are you okay? You’ve been gone for an hour now. Usually you’re gone for ten minutes at the most, so we all thought something happened.”

He raises an eyebrow. “We?”

“Brendon texted Sarah, who texted Jenna, who texted me,” she explains. “I was sent to look for you in this general direction, and thank God I found you. Brendon sounded like he was worried sick.”

Ryan feels a twinge of guilt in his stomach. “He did?”

She nods, wrapping a reassuring arm around him. “What happened exactly? I didn’t get all the details, I just know you two got into a fight.”

Ryan sighs, recounting every last detail to Dallon’s girlfriend, who nods in understanding every time he finishes a sentence. Once he’s done, they sit in silence for a minute before Breezy speaks. “Ryan, as much as I agree with you,” she slowly starts, “you need to try and see this from Brendon’s perspective. He-”

“I know, I know.” Ryan nods, his agitation coming back. “I spent approximately ten minutes sitting here doing just that. But don’t you think he should look at it from my perspective too?” He looks up at her, his eyes wide with what looks like sadness. “I just-ugh, can I vent?”

She nods. “Yeah, of course. What’s said on the bench stays on the bench.”

He nods. “All my life I’ve been told I hold people back. My dad always told me I held him back from being happily married to my mom, and that I drag down everyone I spend time with, and I just-” He cuts himself off, biting down hard on his lower lip as he feels his eyes begin to water. “I love Brendon so much, Breezy. I can’t hold him back. I can’t live up to my dad’s expectations.”

She nods. “Did you tell him that?”

He shakes his head. “I couldn’t. I was seeing red, I was so angry.” He rests his head in his hands, sighing. “God, I’m the worst.”

“No you’re not.” Breezy responds, retracting her hand to give him space. “People get mad and yell without thinking. It happens.”

“But I was thinking,” he argues. “I don’t even know what to think about all this anymore. Everything is all fucked up and I can’t think straight.”

“How about you come over to Sarah and Jenna’s place?” She asks. “They can put on a movie, bake some treats, and I know that if you don’t wanna go home they’ll let you crash on the couch for the night.”

Ryan lifts his head up, smiling the tiniest bit. “Really?”

She nods, pulling out her phone. “I’ll text them and let them know you’re safe. Get ready for the night of your life.”

~~

Febreezy: He’s okay

Brendone: Thank fuck

Febreezy: I’m taking him back to Sarah and Jenna’s place for a bit

Febreezy: And before you ask, he apparently said nothing about wanting to break up

Febreezy: He just really needs time to cool off

Brendone: Can you keep me updated?

Febreezy: I’ll try

~~

Breezy: GIRLS WHERE YOU AT

Jenna: I’M AT THE LIBRARY LOOKING FOR RYAN LIKE YOU SAID

Sarah: BITCH NO

Sarah: YOU’RE AT DUNKIN’ DONUTS

Jenna: WHAT HOW DO YOU KNOW

Sarah: WE HAVE THAT FIND FRIENDS THING ON OUR PHONES

Sarah: I SEE A L L

Breezy: G U Y S SHUT UP

Breezy: I have a question

Jenna: ?

Breezy: How would you two feel if I told Ryan he could hang out with you guys for a bit

Jenna: I’m cool with it, I love spending time with my son

Sarah: Jenna he’s older than you stfu

Jenna: Do I hear cyberbullying in the midst

Sarah: Did I stutter

Sarah: And yeah I’m cool too

Breezy: Sweet

Breezy: Don’t kill each other while I drive him over

Sarah: No promises but thanks for the optimism

Jenna: It’s unrealistic optimism but thanks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep saying the same thing over and over again in these notes lmao y'all know the drill


	8. Brownies and Resolutions

“Ryan!” Jenna squeals when her apartment door is opened, revealing the brunet with Breezy behind him. “Come in, come in. Sarah and I are making brownies.”

He perks up at that. “Brownies, huh?” He begins to grin, his mouth watering thinking about Jenna Black’s infamous brownies.

She nods, a mischievous smirk on her lips. “You know it, honey.”

He walks in, finding his way to the kitchen as Jenna gives Breezy a small hug. “Is he okay?” She asks. “Do I have to be therapist Jenna tonight?”

“No, not unless he starts talking about it.” Breezy shakes her head, pulling away. “If he wants to go home just text me so I can drive him. It’s too late at night for me to be able to let him wander the streets without Brendon burning me at the stake.”

Jenna chuckles. “You say that like he’s a child.”

Breezy narrows her eyes at her blond friend. “Says the one who was calling him her son ten minutes ago.”

Jenna begins to close the door. “Okay, bye Breezy!”

Breezy smirks. “You can’t handle the truth!” She calls.

“I can’t hear you,” Jenna replies, “the door’s shutting too loud!”

The door shuts, and a smug Breezy is left outside.

~~

“It was probably a bad idea to bake brownies at ten o’clock at night,” Sarah starts, “but not all ideas have to be good, right?”

Ryan shakes his head, reaching across the table and grabbing his fourth brownie. “No, not at all.”

“Hey,” Jenna raises her eyebrows at the both of them, “if future you hasn’t traveled back in time to stop you from doing something, how bad can it be?”

“I mean,” Sarah shrugs, “you’re not wrong.”

Ryan chuckles, his mouth still filled with brownie. He’s mostly forgotten about his fight with Brendon, though there’s still a small melancholic feeling in his heart that hasn’t quite gone away. He’s so far managed to drown it in brownies, but he doesn’t know how much longer he’ll be able to pull that off.

“So, what do you wanna do now?” Sarah asks, raising one of her perfect eyebrows at him. “We have face masks we’ve been meaning to use, or we could watch a click-flick and talk about which character we’d go straight for, or-”

Ryan swallows his brownie before speaking. “I wanna talk to my boyfriend. In person.”

Jenna nods, getting off her chair and walking out of the kitchen. “I’ll call Breezy.”

Sarah pushes the tray of brownies in Ryan’s direction. “Go on,” she whispers, “take them. If Jenna eats them all she won’t go to sleep tonight, and I don’t think you realize how much of a bitch I am when I don’t get enough sleep because of her.”

Ryan grins, grabbing the tray and shoving another brownie into his mouth. “You’re the best.”

Sarah smiles, shrugging at him. “I try.”

~~

Brendon jumps up from the couch when the front door opens, Ryan stepping inside. The former sighs in relief, walking to greet him. “Ryan,” he grins.

Ryan hangs up his coat, kicking off his shoes as he turns to face his boyfriend. “Can we sit down and talk?”

Brendon nods. “Yeah, sure.” He sits down on the couch and waits for Ryan to join him. When he does, he opens his mouth to speak. “Ryan, I-”

“Can I talk?” Ryan interrupts, his voice softer than before. “I know why you did what you did, but I need to explain myself. I feel like I kind of overreacted and I need to explain why.”

Brendon nods, giving him all of his attention. “I’m all ears, ba-Ry.”

Ryan shakily inhales, his hands folded in his lap as he looks down at his knees. “All my life I was told I hold everybody back,” he starts. “I was told I held my mom back from having a good life and that’s why she left. I was told I held my dad back from being able to live his life too. I was told I held Elizabeth back because I had no one to sit with at lunch and he chose to sit with me instead of getting extra help in his classes or joining clubs. My dad drilled that into my head, that the only thing I’m good at is restraining people from doing what they want, and I can’t do that to you.” He pulls his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs as he rests his chin on his knees. “I can’t let my dad be right, even if he’s been dead for a year now, and I can’t let you throw it all away for a relationship that might not even work out. What if we break up, B?” He asks. “Then you’ll feel like an idiot. I don’t want that for you. You’re everything and I’m nothing, and you need to realize that. I’m not worth it.”

Brendon cautiously reaches over and rests his hand on Ryan’s folded ones, causing Ryan to look over at him. “You’re worth so much more than you think,” he says. “But I see where you’re coming from.”

Ryan nods. “Is it too late for you to call them and change your mind?”

Thankfully, Brendon shakes his head. “I didn’t really tell them no, persay. They emailed me and I’ve been mulling over ways to say no all day, but now I have to mull over how to say yes.”

Ryan smiles. “So can I be forgiven?”

Brendon smiles back at him, resting his hand on his bean’s knee. “Only if I’m forgiven first.”

Ryan nods, his smile getting bigger as he rests his hand on top of Brendon’s. “Can we just forget this ever happened?”

Brendon blinks, his face now blank. “Forget what happened?”

Ryan chuckles, shaking his head as he leans in towards his boyfriend. “You’re such a dork, you know that?”

Brendon giggles, giving him a quick peck on his lips. “I’m your dork, you sandwich.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smh I can't believe Barry B. Benson dies in Infinity War


	9. Big Daddy and Lights

“You’ve got Daddy duty today,” is the first thing Elizabeth says to Ryan when he answers her phone call at a quarter past seven in the morning.

Ryan tiredly grimaces, forcing himself out of bed and into the living room so he doesn’t disturb Brendon. “Come again?” He asks, keeping his voice down just in case.

“That Jack Bara-something dude called me up five minutes ago,” she explains. “He needs us to look after Big Daddy today, but I have a radio interview in two hours that I can’t miss.”

“And you didn’t want to wait until a decent hour to call me?” He asks, rubbing his eyes with the pads of his index finger and thumb.

“I waited five whole minutes, Ross. That’s as much as you’ll ever get from me.”

Ryan groans. “God, sometimes I really do hate you Z.”

“Love you too, Ryro.” She hangs up.

Ryan sighs in frustration, not noticing Brendon coming up behind him. He jumps when Brendon’s arms wrap around his torso from behind. “What’s up?” Brendon asks, his voice raspy from the lack of sleep.

“Elizabeth can’t come into work,” Ryan starts, resting his hands on top of Brendon’s, “so I’m stuck with a dog named Big Daddy for most of the day until she’s finished her damn radio interview and she can come back.”

“I thought you like your job.” Brendon states, tilting his head and kissing Ryan’s cheek. “Why do you sound so upset about spending time with a dog? Especially one with an awesome name like Big Daddy?”

“I love my job,” Ryan defends. “Big Daddy is just chaotic when it comes to bathtime. He’s like you when it comes to paying rent; he freaks out and does whatever he can to hold it off for as long as possible.”

“I’d be offended if that weren’t completely true,” Brendon lightly chuckles. “But I know a way to cheer you up for work today.”

“If it’s anything to do with my ass, count me out,” Ryan replies. “I can’t be sore while chasing a huge ass dog around his owner’s house.”

“I mean,” Brendon starts, unwrapping his arms and walking to face Ryan, “I wasn’t implying that form of sex, but now I know what we should do tonight.”

Ryan rolls his eyes, fighting a smile. “Make it quick, Brendon. I have another Daddy to tend to other than you.”

~~

 

Z Berg: How’s Daddy?

Ryro: First off, ew

Ryro: Second off, he’s out taking a shit

Ryro: It reminds me of you

Z Berg: W o w

Ryro: I’m just hoping he won’t roll around in it like last time

Z Berg: Yeah that wouldn’t be a good idea

Ryro: No it would not

Z Berg: By the way

Z Berg: You didn’t tell me whether Brandon got the role or not

Ryro: Okay

Ryro: First off

Ryro: It’s spelt BrEndon with an E, you turd

Ryro: Second off

Ryro: You didn’t ask

Z Berg: My comment about living vicariously through you WAS me asking

Z Berg: So answer my question you dog turd

Ryro: Don’t steal my insult you turd

Ryro: And yes, he got it

Z Berg: Oh

Z Berg: OH

Z Berg: O H

Z Berg: O H H H H H H H

Z Berg: I KNEW HE WOULD

Z Berg: DAN OWES ME TEN BUCKS

Ryro: Did you and Dan seriously bet on whether or not my boyfriend would get to be on Broadway

Z Berg: Nah, I just wanted to see how mad you’d get

Ryro: You’re such a fucking troll

Z Berg: You love it

Ryro: I would if you were here helping me out with Big Daddy but nOOOO

Z Berg: I just finished the interview bitch I’m getting in my car

Ryro: K good you better

Z Berg: I’m really feeling the love today Ryro

Ryro: But can you feel the love tonight

Z Berg: Fucking blocked

Z Berg: Get out of here with that gay ass Elton John Lion King bullshit

Ryro: Says you

~~

“One day I’m gonna take you to the northern lights,” Brendon randomly states without looking away from his laptop.

Ryan looks up from his book, glancing over at Brendon on the other side of the couch. “Well, that was random.”

“It’s true though.” Brendon looks up from his laptop, his bare toes touching Ryan’s as he sits up better. “One day when we have enough money to travel, I’m gonna take you to see them. And I’m gonna bring a blanket so we can lay down and look up at the sky, and there will be a picnic basket with beer and Dunkaroos and all our favorite snacks. It’ll be great, I swear.”

“Where’s this coming from?” Ryan asks. “I mean, I’m not complaining, but still.”

Brendon shrugs, though Ryan can see past it. “I don’t know,” he says, though Ryan has a feeling it has something to do with his imminent departure. “I just feel like you’d like it,” he explains, “and I need to keep up my good boyfriend image. It’s hard to maintain, you know.”

Ryan lightly chuckles, closing his book and scooting closer to him. “Okay, I’m down for the lights.” He moves Brendon’s laptop and cuddles up next to him, resting his head on Brendon’s shoulder as his hand rests on Brendon’s chest. “As long as we can visit other places too.”

“Oh yeah?” Brendon asks, wrapping an arm around his bean. “Like where?”

“Anywhere with an In-N-Out Burger drive through,” Ryan replies. “And bookstores too, because I like their calming atmospheres.”

“Okay, I’ll take you to a bookstore.” Brendon nods. “As long as we don’t spend hours in one aisle with you sitting on the floor reading a book, we’ll be good.”

Ryan gives him an offended look. “Of course I’ll be doing that,” he says, his tone practically screaming that’s one of life’s essentials what are you on?. “Who do you think I am?”

Brendon chuckles at that, kissing the top of Ryan’s head. “I think you’re a cheeky piece of seaweed.”

“Okay, now your insults are just getting dumb.”

“Your insults are getting dumb.”

“You can’t just copy everything I say in the hopes it’ll make your insults seem better.”

“You can’t just-”

Ryan leans in and captures his lips in a kiss, his hands coming up to cup Brendon’s face as they pull away. Brendon smirks at him, knowing his motives. “You’re such a cheese ball, kissing me to get me to shut up.”

Ryan raises an eyebrow at him. “It worked, didn’t it?”

Brendon shrugs. “I mean,” he playfully starts, “we won’t know for certain unless you do that again.”

Ryan rolls his eyes. “Oh come here, you goof.”


	10. Blizzards and Moon Analogies

“Can we just take a minute to appreciate our boy?” Dallon rests his hands on Brendon’s shoulders, looking as if he’s about to cry. “This motherfucker is gonna be on Broadway, guys. Like, forget `it’s Britney, bitch.’ It’s all about `it’s Broadway, bitch.’”

“Dallon, please sit down,” Breezy begs. “We’re in the middle of a Dairy Queen and you’re making a scene for the third time today. It’s not even noon yet, please refrain.”

Dallon sighs, sitting down in the booth next to his girlfriend as Brendon snickers from across the table. “Dallon, making a scene?” He rhetorically asks. “It’s more likely than you think.”

Ryan narrows his eyes at him, swallowing a bite of his banana split Blizzard. “You know, sometimes you make me wanna get married to you just so I can divorce you.”

Brendon cheekily smiles, wrapping an arm around Ryan’s shoulders and pulling him in for a brief side hug. “I love you too, you South Dakota.”

Breezy raises an eyebrow at them. “South Dakota? Please elaborate.”

Brendon pulls his arm away, looking across at her. “Ryan and I roast each other a lot, but we don’t wanna say things that’ll actually offend each other.”

“It’s happened before,” Ryan chimes in. “It wasn’t pretty.”

Breezy nods in understanding. “So you use the weirdest insults possible when you’re joking around?”

Brendon nods. “Yeah, pretty much.” He says as he scoops up some of his turtle pecan cluster ice cream.

“We should try that,” Dallon says. “Breezy, you’re such a-”

“No no no, sweetie.” Brendon cringes, scornfully shaking his head at his best friend. “It’s only cute when Ryan and I do it.”

“But is it even cute?” Breezy jokes, tilting her head in mock confusion. “Like, let’s be real.”

“Fight me, Breezy.”

“Pick a time and a place and I’ll be there.”

“Wait. Am I gonna have to pick between my power-woman girlfriend and my meme best friend?” Dallon asks, suddenly panicked. “Oh shit, I always knew it would come to this. I don’t know what to do. I mean, Breezy’s just so awesome in literally every way, and Brendon’s just-”

“Don’t strain yourself, Dal,” Ryan interrupts. “We don’t need to send you to the ER for another stupid reason again.”

“Hey,” Dallon drops his spoon, pointing at Ryan menacingly, “figuring out if a beer bottle can fit up your asshole is a valid question in life. Don’t judge me.”

“I’m not,” Ryan chuckles. “But I can’t say the same about the poor nurses who had to pry it out of there.”

Breezy stiffles a giggle with her hand as Dallon groans. “God, why am I always the one to be attacked?” He asks.

“Because you’re an idiot,” Brendon responds.

Dallon points at him, shrugging. “Valid point.”

~~

“Ryan,” Brendon says, bursting into their room and interrupting Ryan’s reading, “I’m having an existential crisis.”

Ryan raises an eyebrow at that. “Again?” He asks, putting a bookmark in his book and placing it next to him on the bed. “What’s going on?”

“I’m leaving in five months,” Brendon replies, sounding out of breath. “Five fucking months, Ryan.”

“...Okay?” Ryan nods, chewing on his bottom lip in confusion. “Isn’t that good? That’s not that much time-”

“That’s my point, Ryan. There’s no time.” Brendon marches to the foot of the bed, beginning to visibly panic. “Everything is setting in for me right now. I’m gonna be in New York in five months. That’s like, a million miles away. I won’t be here for anything.”

Ryan furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Brendon sighs, crawling onto the foot of the bed and pulling his knees to his chest in the fetal position. “I won’t be here if Dallon goes to the hospital again,” he weakly begins to explain. “I won’t be here if Sarah and Jenna get sick and I have to take care of them again.” He looks up at Ryan, his breathing becoming restricted as he narrows down on what’s really bothering him. “I won’t be there if you can’t sleep, or if you’re sick, or if you have a bad day, or-”

“Hey hey hey.” Ryan softly interrupts, scooting towards his boyfriend and rubbing the sides of his arms to calm him down. “It’s okay. I can take care of myself.”

“Yeah, but I won’t be able to help out,” Brendon wheezes. “I know it may seem like I try to do that a lot, maybe too much-” He sharply inhales. “- to the point where it gets annoying, but it’s because I don’t wanna lose you. What kind of a boyfriend would I be-” He inhales again. “-if I didn’t do something?”

“Regardless of how much or how little you do, you’re an amazing boyfriend.” Ryan briefly cups Brendon’s cheek before placing his hand on his shoulder. “No matter the distance, I’ll always know that.”

“But five months, Ryan,” Brendon breathes, his eyes becoming glassy. “What are we gonna do for those five months?”

Ryan leans in and rests his forehead against Brendon’s, gently and slowly nuzzling their noses together. “Whatever we want, B.”

Brendon exhales through his nose, reaching out and gently grasping the nape of Ryan’s neck. They stay like that for a while, totally silent as time seems to fade away for them. Brendon gradually calms down, whispering out a small, “I’m scared, Ryan.”

Ryan exhales through his nose, reaching down and holding Brendon’s hand. “It’ll be okay.”

Brendon says nothing, tilting his head and leaning in to press a kiss to the pair of lips he’s come to know more than his own. Ryan gently squeezes Brendon’s hand, his own resting on Brendon’s knee and rubbing small circles with the pad of his thumb. Their lips move together more desperate than usual, and Brendon begins to lose himself in the kiss until Ryan abruptly pulls away.

“Bren,” he starts, “what’s the time difference between here and New York?”

Brendon frowns, thinking for a moment. “Three hours, I think. Why?”

“So it’ll be night time for roughly the same amount of time, right?”

Brendon tilts his head in confusion. “I mean, I guess. What are you thinking?”

Ryan begins to get off the bed, tugging on Brendon’s hand. “Come on, I have to show you something.”

Brendon gets up, allowing himself to be dragged out of their room, into the living room, and onto their balcony. Ryan points up at the moon, turning back to face his lover. “You see that moon?”

Brendon nods.

“Well,” Ryan starts, “when you’re in New York and I’m here, we’ll be looking up at the exact same sky. We’ll be seeing the exact same moon, and maybe even the exact same stars. So really, we won’t be that far apart.” He squeezes Brendon’s hand again. “As long as you look up at that moon, I’ll be there. The same applies vice versa.”

Brendon cracks a small smile, his heart feeling a bit warm again. “No homo though, right?”

Ryan snickers at that. “No homo, you day-old meatloaf.”

Brendon gently pulls him into a hug, subtly swaying them side to side as Ryan rests his cheek on Brendon’s shoulder, sighing in what could either be content or worry.


	11. Tickles and Ramen

“B-Brendon, stop!” Ryan cries, his body flailing around on the bed as he’s pinned down by his boyfriend, his wrists above his head and his legs under Brendon’s hips. “I-I’m gonna pee!”

Brendon chuckles down at him, forcing his fingers to cease their movements on his boy’s bare torso. “It’s worth it,” he smirks. “You’re cute when you laugh.”

Ryan pants, trying to regain his breath he lost when Brendon pinned him to their bed and began tickling him a minute ago. “I’m also really ticklish,” he breathes. “Fuck, I think I saw God just now.”

Brendon chuckles again, letting go of Ryan’s wrists and picking up his shirt he discarded when the tickling began, throwing it at him. “Well, it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had that effect on you.” Ryan narrows his eyes at him, hastily pulling his American Idiot shirt over his head. Brendon rolls off of him, sighing contently. “Well, that was fun.”

“Maybe for you,” Ryan teases. “Every time you tickle me I get one day closer to brutally killing you in your sleep.”

Brendon rolls back onto him, cheekily grinning as he nuzzles his nose against Ryan’s. “Oh, you love me.”

Ryan shyly smirks, wrapping his arms around Brendon’s neck. “Unfortunately.”

“Unfortunately.” Brendon mocks, resting his head on Ryan’s chest. He closes his eyes, enjoying the calmness that only lasts for a brief second.

“Brendon, get off,” Ryan demands. “I have work, get your fat ass off of me.”

Brendon hums. “I can’t hear you, I’m too comfy.” He unleashes all his body weight, which begins to crush the boy under him.

“Bren, oh my God, you’re gonna kill me,” Ryan wheezes. “I’m gonna die before I’ve truly lived.”

Brendon groans, holding himself up by his elbows. “God, you’re so dramatic.”

Ryan narrows his eyes at him. “You’re one to talk, Urie.”

“You’re one to ta-”

“Brendon Boyd Urie, if you mock me one more time I won’t suck you off for a month.”

Brendon laughs at that. “Oh, Ryan. You can’t resist the ding de ling.”

“You know what else I can’t resist? Going to work, because I actually enjoy being able to pay taxes and feel like I’m doing something with my life.”

“That’s too much of a mood.” Brendon says, getting off him and searching the pile of clothes on the floor for something decent. “I’m out. You’re no fun.”

~~

“What’s got you down, B?”

Brendon looks up from his phone and sees his work best friend approaching him, a pack of cigarettes hanging out of his pocket. “Nothing much, Gabe. You?”

Gabe shrugs, leaning against the wall next to him and taking out his cigarette pack. He pulls one out, letting it dangle from his lips as he extends his pack to Brendon. “Want one?”

Brendon shakes his head. “No thanks. I’ve gotta be healthy for Broadway.”

Gabe nods. “Oh yeah, makes sense.” He tilts his head at his friend, digging his lighter out of his back pocket. “You seem upset. I would have thought you’d be excited.”

“I am,” Brendon weakly defends, though he really does mean it. “I’ve wanted this all my life, and I’m so fucking hyped for all of this.”

“So what’s wrong?” Gabe asks. “You don’t seem very hyped.”

Brendon just shrugs. “It’s just everything I’m leaving behind.”

“Ah, I get it.” Gabe nods in understanding, lighting his cigarette and inhaling the smoke. “You’re gonna miss all your porn magazines.”

Brendon snorts at that, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. “Nah, none of that. I don’t need a porn magazine when I have my boyfriend, you know?”

“Yeah. I mean, as much as a straight guy can understand. My girlfriend is pretty hot, so I feel that.”

Brendon makes a fist at him. “Here’s to having hot significant others.”

They fist-bump, making a woman passing them on the street give them a weird look.

“Hey,” Brendon starts as he drops his hand, “do you think I should sing for tips again? For old time’s sake?”

Gabe nods, grinning at him. “Do something by Billy Joel. The boss will flip.”

~~

“Let me get this straight,” Ryan says to him when he gets home, watching Brendon take his shoes off. “You belted out Billy Joel’s Movin’ Out in the middle of Tropical Smoothie Cafe, stood up on a table and stole some customer’s fedora, did an impromptu tap dance routine, and didn’t get fired?”

Brendon grins, nodding at him. “Pretty cool, huh?”

Ryan lets out a breathy chuckle, following him into the kitchen with his arms now crossed in front of his chest. “I wouldn’t use those exact words, but sure.”

Brendon chuckles, opening their cupboards and searching for their usual Wednesday ramen dinner. Ryan leans against the counter next to him, his eyes focused on a speck of dirt on the tiled floor. “I don’t know how you do it.”

“Do what? Open the cupboards?” Brendon asks, pulling out two packages of ramen. “It’s not easy, I’ll give you that. It requires skill and a stable brain to be able to tell your arms what to do.”

Ryan rolls his eyes, smiling a bit. “No, you asshat.” His smile fades. “I don’t know how you do all that in public. It’s a little overwhelming for me to just hold your hand outside, let alone doing all that at work.”

“I’ve just stopped caring about other people.” Brendon says, turning to face Ryan. “I figure that, if I wanna be a performer, I have to not give a fuck if people are laughing or throwing things. It’s not easy to get into doing that, but it helps in the long run. Besides,” he pauses, lifting Ryan’s head by his chin with his index finger, “I got you to fall in love with me by being like that. That’s the biggest reward I’ve gotten from it.”

Ryan smiles, looking down at the floor again as Brendon tucks some of his hair behind his ear. “You’re so full of shit,” the brunet mumbles.

Brendon smiles even bigger, placing his hands on the small of Ryan’s back and pulling him closer. “Only for you, baby.”

“Is that supposed to be romantic?” Ryan asks, resting his hands on Brendon’s shoulders and leaning in for a quick kiss. “I have to say,” he teases against his boyfriend’s lips, “you’ve been going through a bit of a dry spell this past year.”

Brendon growls at the back of his throat, using his left hand to cup Ryan’s cheek. “God, just shut up and kiss me.”

Ryan smirks, leaning forward again and kissing him. His smirk melts into a soft smile as his head gently tilts to the right, deepening the kiss for a moment before pulling away. “I’ll kiss you after you make dinner. I’m starving.”

Brendon playfully scoffs, pulling away from him and turning back to the ramen that’s yet to have been opened. “You could have started it before I got home,” he states.

Ryan shrugs. “Yeah, I could’ve.” He says, leaning on the counter again with his hand holding him up. “But sometimes life just doesn’t go the way you hope it will.”

Brendon laughs at that. “Yeah okay, Mr. Butthurt About Not Being Able To See Green Day.”

Ryan narrows his eyes at him, crossing his arms. “Not cool, Brendon. The same can be said for Frank Sinatra, you know.”

Brendon sighs. “Touche, Casanova.”

Ryan blinks. “You’re calling me a womanizer?” He scoffs, laughing a bit. “That’s a little ironic.”

“That’s why I like it.” Brendon admits as he fills a pot with water. “I find the irony amusing. Not to mention that Casanova wasn’t entirely straight; he was bi, according to some historians.”

Ryan raises an eyebrow at him. “So, what’s your point?” He asks.

Brendon shrugs. “I just feel like that’s a good bit of information to know. Besides,” he reaches out and ruffles Ryan’s hair, “you kind of look like a Casanova.”

“I don’t know whether that’s a compliment or not.”

“And I don’t know how Grey’s Anatomy will end, Ryan. Sometimes you just don’t know things in life.”

“Yeah, such as why I’m still with you and your annoying ass. You don’t even watch Grey’s anyway.”

“Oh, whatever. You love my annoying ass. You think it’s cute.”

“Since when?”

“Since forever, Casanova.”

“Just make the goddamn ramen, you crouton.”


	12. Conversations and Roses

“Hey, Gabe?” Brendon asks, walking over to his friend as he wipes a table down. “Can I talk to you about something?”

Gabe nods, freezing right after he does so. “Dude, are you pregnant?”

“Nah, not this time.” Brendon shakes his head. “It’s just...would you consider yourself romantic?”

Gabe raises an eyebrow at him, going back to scrubbing the smoothie-stained table. “I mean, I guess,” he answers slowly. “My girlfriend seems to think so. Why?”

“I have to leave in four months, three weeks, and five days,” Brendon states. “And last night I was cuddling with my boyfriend, and I had an epiphany. I need to do all this shit for him before I leave, because who knows when I’ll be able to do it again?”

Gabe nods in understanding. “Yeah, I get that. You wanna do something nice for your boy.”

“Yeah, but multiple things. What do I do?”

“Well,” Gabe starts, giving Brendon all his attention and forgetting the table, “what’s he like? What’s he into?”

“He’s secretly into makeup,” Brendon says. “But don’t tell him I told you that. He keeps it a secret, but sometimes he does my eyeliner for me before I come into work. It makes me feel rebellious.” Not to mention he sits in my lap, Brendon thinks, and his eyes scrunch up and his tongue pokes out a bit when he’s concentrated. He gets so close I can lean in and kiss him when he’s done, and he used to get so adorably flustered because he wasn’t used to randomly kissing back when we started dating-

“Okay, cool.” Gabs nods, and Brendon starts to realize how much he does that. “What else?”

“He likes reading,” Brendon continues. “Mainly Chuck Palahniuk novels, and if you ask him about them he’ll go on a ten hour long rant about why a certain character deserved better or something. It’s one of the things that brought us together in the first place.”

Gabe opens his mouth to speak, but is cut off by his co-worker. “He also likes music. He’s a slut for The Beatles and Green Day, and I’m pretty sure Billie Joe Armstrong gave him his sexual awakening in high school.”

Gabe snickers at that. “I can imagine.”

“His mind is a literal enigma,” Brendon contently sighs. “I don’t know how I, a broke ass millennial, am supposed to work with that.”

Gabe inhales through his mouth. “Well-”

Brendon snaps his fingers. “Wait!” He (literally) jumps, pointing at a now slightly frustrated Gabe. “I have ideas. That never happens. I’m gonna see if they’ll work.” He runs out the door, calling a quick “thanks, Gabe!” over his shoulder.

Gabe breathily chuckles, shaking his head as he goes back to cleaning the table. “I didn’t say anything, but I’ll take the thanks.”

~~

Brendon wasn’t originally planning on blowing half of his grocery money on a bouquet of six roses, but he figures that some things in life are (and should be) unexpected. He couldn’t help himself; a new flower shop opened up next to the grocery store, and who was he to deny himself a casual stroll through the isles of said shop and buy his favorite person some flowers?

He grins to himself as he opens his apartment door, hiding the roses behind his back so Ryan doesn’t immediately see them. He closes the door behind him, slipping his shoes off as he walks into the living room. “Ryan?” He asks. “Where are you, you crumb?”

He gets no response, so he glances at the closet next to the front door. Ryan’s coat is hanging up there, but his shoes are nowhere to be seen. Beginning to get a sense of what’s going on, he goes to the kitchen to lay the roses on the counter before going into the bedroom.

He’s not surprised to see Ryan laying on his stomach on their bed, his shoes still on along with the rest of his work clothes. Brendon sighs, knowing that this means Ryan had a bad day at work and shouldn’t be woken up.

He then realizes what the cause of this mood is: today is the anniversary of his father’s death, which is an occasion he refuses to talk about under any circumstances. 

Brendon goes back to the kitchen to get a single rose, bringing it back to his sleeping beauty and resting it near his head. Brendon lets out a soft coo, wanting to stroke his love’s hair but not wanting him to wake up, also known as “unleashing the kraken,” as Dallon once put it.

And so he leaves the room, closing the door behind him as if he was never even there.

~~

Ryan wakes up about an hour later, wiping the drool from his chin and looking out the window to see the sun beginning to set. He groans, turning his head and shutting up once he sees the rose. He picks it up, noticing the thorns have been cut off and it looks freshly watered. Knowing who left it, he smiles just the tiniest bit as he gets off the bed.

Brendon’s waiting for him in the living room, getting off the couch when Ryan walks out of the bedroom, scratching the back of his neck. “Hey baby,” Brendon smiles softly at the tired boy in front of him.

Ryan weakly lifts the rose in his unoccupied hand. “Did you cut the thorns off?” He croaks.

Brendon tilts his head, thinking fast. “Would you love me more if I said yes?”

Ryan weakly smiles at that, exhaling through his nose in some sort of chuckle. “Sure.”

“Then yes, I did.” Brendon grins, stepping closer to his bean and extending his hand. “Come, I wanna show you the others.”

Ryan perks up a bit at that. “There’s more?”

Brendon nods, humming in confirmation as Ryan takes his hand and allows himself to be lead into the kitchen. He faintly gasps when he sees the remaining roses in a glass vase on the counter, turning to Brendon with a soft smile. “Bren, I-you didn’t-”

“And I was thinking,” Brendon cuts him off, “that we could order a pizza for dinner. We haven’t done that in a while, and I don’t really feel like cooking, so I figured it would be a good idea.”

Ryan’s smile gets bigger, pulling Brendon into a hug. He nuzzles his nose into Brendon’s neck, a place he claimed as one of his safe spots the first time they hugged. “You don’t have to do this,” he says quietly as Brendon hugs him back, “but I’m glad you are. Thank you.”

Brendon smiles, gently rubbing Ryan’s back with one of his hands. “Anything for the prettiest boy in the world,” he replies, feeling the boy grin and bury his face deeper into his neck, probably attempting to hide a blush. “Now,” Brendon starts, pulling away and looking down at the blushing boy in front of him, “how about you find a movie for us to watch while I order the pizza?”

Ryan’s grin gets bigger, nodding as he gives Brendon a quick peck on the cheek before walking to the living room to find his copy of Aladdin.


	13. Tickets and Wasabi Stains

Brendon tries his best to stay quiet, the glow of his laptop screen illuminating his slightly tanned face as his eyes tiredly strain to read the words in front of him at around four in the morning, a goal in his mind as his brain begs him to go to sleep.

Ryan shifts in bed, making Brendon freeze and wait. He doesn’t want to get caught doing what he’s doing, so he turns the brightness down on his screen and watches Ryan roll onto his side, his back facing away from Brendon, letting out an incoherent mumble. Relieved, Brendon resumes what he’s doing and checks how much money he has in his bank account. He winces when he does so, starting to reconsider what he’s doing.

He shakes that thought away. No, he tells himself, you don’t get to be selfish. This is for Ryan. He needs this more than you need money. You’re fucking taking him to that Green Day concert, whether you go broke or not. It’s now or never, you broke ass bitch.

He takes a deep breath, ordering two Green Day tickets before closing his laptop, tucking it under the bed, and curling up next to his bean so he can finally sleep.

~~

“Why are you so tired?” Breezy asks him, searching Dallon’s cupboards hours later. “How much sleep did you get last night?”

“What are you, my mom?” Brendon jokes, tossing a hacky-sack as he lays on Dallon’s couch. “I got, like, four to five hours.”

“Why?” Dallon asks from beside him on the floor, since there’s no more room on the couch. “What happened in your dull life that was so important you lost out on so much sleep?”

“Okay, first off, my life is not dull,” Brendon snaps. “I’m gonna be a fucking Broadway bitch, you burger flipper.”

“Do you realize how hard it is to flip burgers?” Dallon asks. “That’s not an insult. Burger flippers are coordinated lads and lassies and non-binary assies.”

Breezy laughs, finding a bowl and placing it on the kitchen counter as she eavesdrops in on the conversation. “It isn’t the way you do it, Dal,” she calls.

“Why am I getting bullied? We’re supposed to be interrogating Brendon,” Dallon scoffs. “ B, spill the proverbial beans.”

Brendon inhales, beginning to grin. “Well,” he starts, “Ryan loves Green Day more than he loves most things. Probably even me, which is pretty hard to believe. So, when he heard they were coming to our town and he couldn’t afford tickets, he was devastated. Much like a millennial when losing a game of Fortnite. So, last night, I was an amazing boyfriend and bought my boy some Green Day tickets. He’ll hopefully be able to witness Billie Joe jacking off, which I hear is quite a scene.”

“Have you told him yet?” Dallon asks, sitting up to face his best friend. “I imagine not, since you’re still alive. He’d smother you to death in love and unconditional support for real if you’ve told him.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Brendon nods. “I’m not telling him for a while. Not until our anniversary, I think.”

“Aw!” Breezy grins, bringing the empty bowl into the living room. “Everyone deserves a Brendon in their lives.”

“I hate to interrupt the moment,” Dallon interrupts, “but what’s in that bowl?”

“Oh!” Breezy smiles sweetly, walking towards him. “I was looking through your fridge and cupboards for anything healthy, so I combined them all together in this bowl!”

He takes the bowl, looking inside and frowning. “But there’s nothing in here.”

“Exactly. You’re an unhealthy pig, you know that?”

Brendon snickers, covering his mouth with his hand to avoid laughing at Dallon’s offended face. “Excuse me-” the latter starts.

“No.” Breezy shakes her head, cutting him off. “You’re not excused. You’re gonna die of some sort of failure in your body by the time you’re twenty five.”

“Breezy, here’s the thing.” Brendon sits up, gesturing towards Dallon. “He is the failure in his body.”

Dallon scoffs. “Wow. I’m being bullied by both my best friend and my girlfriend. I’m the luckiest guy in the world.”

Brendon cheekily grins, reaching out and ruffling Dallon’s hair. “Love you too, you tall glass of diarrhea.”

~~

“Ryan!” Brendon calls.

Ryan pokes his head through the bedroom doorway. “Brendon!”

“So,” Brendon animatedly starts, “do you remember that time we were at my parents’ house and you told me you never had sushi, so I ordered some and you attempted to eat one-”

“-But put too much wasabi on it and spat it out all over your new shirt?” Ryan finishes, nodding. “Yeah, I remember one of the most mortifying moments of my life. Why?”

“Well,” Brendon grins, whipping out said shirt from behind his back, which shows off a very prominent green stain near the left breast pocket of the grey shirt, “guess what I found!”

Ryan’s eyes widen. “Shit!” He face-palms, groaning. “Fuck, I thought I threw that out ages ago!”

“Why would you throw out this piece of American history?” Brendon asks incredulously.

“Because it was embarrassing,” Ryan timidly answers from behind his fingers. “I thought your parents were gonna throw me out for tainting their son’s clothes.”

“How strict do you think my parents are? They fucking love you,” Brendon replies. “They told me they hadn’t seen me that happy in a long time.”

Ryan fights a smile. “Yeah, because you were too busy laughing at me.”

“Your face was fucking priceless, Casanova.” Brendon chuckles, shaking his head as he stands up with the shirt in his hands. “You looked so disgusted and so shocked at the same time. It was hilarious.”

“Hilariously embarrassing.”

Brendon smiles, walking up to him and extending the shirt towards him. “Come on, take it.”

Ryan shakes his head, dropping his hands to his sides. “I’d rather not, thanks.”

“Pwease?” Brendon pouts, not being any more convincing than he was before. “It has sentimental value!”

Ryan scoffs. “Sentimental value? Of what?”

“When I first realized I was in love with you.”

Ryan freezes. “What?” His facial expression melts into one with a hint of malice in it. “You first realized you were in love with me when I embarrassed myself?”

“No, not like that.” Brendon frantically shakes his head. “You see, if anyone else in the world had done that, I would have been fucking pissed. But, out of all the people in the world that could have gotten wasabi on my new shirt, it was you. Ryan fucking Ross, the beautiful enigma I had a hopeless crush on for the longest time and somehow had one on me too. Falling in love is a gradual process for me, and over time I kind of felt like the way I saw you was starting to be different. While I get mad at other people for things they do, I don’t get mad at you when you do those things because all your quirks and all your habits make you you. I don’t know how to explain it in a way that really makes sense, but part of love is looking past the annoying aspects of someone and seeing that they’re the most amazing person you’ve ever met, and you know for a fact in that moment that there’s no way in Hell you’re ever going to let them go.”

“Holy shit,” Ryan breathes. “That was deep.”

Brendon nods, holding out the shirt again. “Take it, you bean.”

Ryan bashfully smiles, taking the shirt and pulling Brendon into a hug. “You’re such a cheesy piece of shit,” he chuckles. “But I guess you’re my cheesy piece of shit.”

Brendon chuckles, kissing Ryan’s cheek before pulling away. “Is that your way of saying you love me too?”

“B, you already know I love you.”

“Yeah, but I just wanna hear you say it again.”

Ryan playfully rolls his eyes, crossing his arms as a small smile tugs at his lips. “You’re so weird.”

“You love it.”

“Eh.”


	14. Kisses and Clouds

“Time is flying by too fast, Z.”

Elizabeth groans, nodding at her co-worker as she brushes Big Daddy’s fur. “Tell me about it,” she whines. “One second I’m in high school ditching prom, and the next I’m in financial debt and the midst of a mid-life crisis.”

“That’s not really what I mean, but I relate,” Ryan says, watching her groom Big Daddy as they sit on the front porch of their client’s house. “I just mean that Brendon’s leaving in three and a half months.”

Elizabeth winces. “Ouch, that’s rough.”

Ryan sighs, dread settling in his stomach. “Yeah,” he breathes. “Our anniversary is tomorrow, and I wanna give him something special.”

“Ooh!” Elizabeth grins, pausing the brushing to pet Big Daddy’s head. “Like what?”

Ryan shrugs. “I don’t know,” he sorrowfully admits. “I mean, I wanna give him something that really comes from the heart, you know?”

She nods. “Write him a song.”

Ryan blinks, not sure if he heard her right. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Write. Him. A. Song.”

“Why?” Ryan asks. “I’m not-”

“Don’t give me that self-deprecating crap, Ross,” Elizabeth snaps. “Write him a song that shows him how much you love him, and I guarantee his musical-loving ass will turn to putty right in front of you.”

Ryan awkwardly squirms around. “I don’t know…”

“Come on, Ry. Make him your bitch.”

He can’t help but laugh at that, partly because of how blunt Elizabeth is and partly because it’s usually the other way around. “Okay, fine. I’ll make him my bitch.”

She grins. “That’s the spirit.”

~~

The first thing Ryan feels on the morning of their anniversary is a warm arm wrap around his torso, gently pulling him against what he recognizes as Brendon’s chest. He sighs contently, resting his hand over Brendon’s and allowing himself to fall back asleep.

The next thing he feels is soft lips pressing gentle kisses to his neck, peppering them up and down as Ryan opens his eyes. He turns to face Brendon, who gives him the sweetest smile he’s ever seen. “Happy anniversary, Casanova,” Brendon whispers.

Ryan grins, leaning in and kissing him. “Happy anniversary, you stain.”

Brendon chuckles against his lips, rolling so he’s straddling the brunet and kissing him harder. Ryan lets out a surprised noise, gently pushing him away. “Woah,” Ryan says, sounding as if he’s in a daze, “what about morning breath?”

Brendon shrugs, holding himself up with his hands firmly planted on the mattress right next to Ryan’s shoulders. “Eh, I’ve tasted worse.” He says, leaning back down and ghosting their lips together. “Like your cooking.”

Ryan makes an offended noise as he’s kissed again, his hands resting on Brendon’s shoulders and moving up to grasp at the nape of his neck as the kiss continues. Brendon pulls away after a while, looking down at Ryan with a twinkle in his eye. “So, I was thinking-”

“Nothing that’ll make me sore or have bruises,” Ryan replies. “Those are my only terms and conditions this morning.”

Brendon nods in understanding, a sinful grin spreading across his face. “Deal.”

~~

“That cloud looks like a dildo.” Brendon observes, pointing up at a cloud in the sky. “Look at it!”

Ryan looks up at where he’s pointing, chuckling as he folds his arms over his head. “At first I didn’t see it, but now that I have I will never unsee it.”

Brendon solemnly nods. “Like me when I first saw a vagina.” He shudders, making Ryan laugh.

They’re laying on a patch of grass behind their apartment, looking for any cloud that comes their way like they did at the end of their first date. Brendon points to a large lumpy cloud, saying “holy shit, that one looks like my elementary school librarian! Fuck, she used to read us the weirdest books. I think once she read us Charles Manson’s testimony before realizing it wasn’t by Dr. Seuss.”

Ryan bursts into laughter, taking his arms out from underneath his head to clutch at his stomach. “Jesus fucking Christ,” he wheezes, “what kind of school did you go to?”

Without missing a beat, Brendon replies, “public school.”

They both lose it at that, their stomachs soon beginning to hurt because they’re laughing so much. Ryan sighs once he’s calmed down, resting his head on the grass below him and wondering when exactly being happy had gotten so easy for him. He turns his head to face a still smiling Brendon, cupping the side of his face and fondly smiling back as he leans in for another kiss. They laugh again against each other’s lips, eventually calming down and being able to kiss normally. Ryan pulls away, gently stroking Brendon’s cheek with the pad of his thumb. “Wow,” he breathes.

Brendon begins to smile again. “What is it?”

“We’ve been together for one year,” Ryan incredulously answers. “I can’t believe I’ve put up with you for this long.”

Brendon rolls his eyes, playfully scoffing. “Yeah yeah, whatever. I can’t believe it either. Someone with your high caliber deserves someone classy, like a KFC cashier or something.”

“Hey, don’t shame those cashiers,” Ryan chuckles. “They have to deal with a lot of nasty people on a daily basis. I don’t know how they do it.”

“Wow. I had no idea you were so passionate about cashier appreciation.”

“There’s lots you don’t know about me, Urie.”

“I know you kept a diary all throughout high school and wrote in excessive detail what exactly you wanted to do to fetus George Clooney, then went on to say you weren’t sure if you were gay or not.”

“Hey, you swore to never speak of that horrid time again.”

“Oops.”

~~

“Some couples go out to some fancy restaurant and order food that costs more than their paychecks,” Brendon says, his voice muffled from his mouth being full, “but we aren’t like those basic bitches.”

“That’s right.” Ryan nods, swallowing his food. “We order Chinese takeout and eat it on our couch, not even caring if we make a mess because we’re not mainstream like those peasants.”

“Exactly!” Brendon swallows his, sticking his chopsticks into his container of noodles. “You know, this is one of those times where I realize how lucky I am to have you. I mean, I used to date this girl back when I was closeted who demanded I take her to this really expensive restaurant for our one month anniversary. I said no and offered to make her food at my house, and she went ballistic. You’re an angel, baby.”

Ryan cheekily grins, cocking his head to the side. “I try.”

Brendon chuckles, shaking his head as he eats another mouthful of noodles before putting his container on the coffee table. “Okay, can we exchange presents now?”

Ryan nods, putting his chop suey next to Brendon’s food before getting up and walking to their bedroom. “You give me my present first,” he calls over his shoulder.

Brendon shakes his head, despite knowing that Ryan can’t see him. “Darling, I think you should give me mine first. Trust me.”

Ryan sighs, coming back to the living room with his guitar. He pulls the strap over his head, sitting down on the couch in front of Brendon. “Okay.” He nods. “I wrote you a song for two reasons. The first is because I’m madly in love with you and I can only express that in the form of a cheesy song, and the second is I’m broke and didn’t feel like buying you anything.”

Brendon smiles, nodding for him to go ahead. “Okay, I’m listening.”

Ryan takes a deep breath, slowly beginning to play the song. “Just know I wrote this less than twenty four hours ago,” he explains, “so don’t judge me if I suck.”

Brendon says nothing, just crosses his legs and watches Ryan play. He watches in excitement as Ryan opens his mouth, taking in a quick breath before singing.

“When the moon fell in love with the sun…”

Brendon listens in awe, paying attention to every detail of the song as he realizes that holy shit, this enigma just wrote me a song. Me. What. The. Fuck? His mouth is slightly open, it’s corners turned up into a soft smile as the song comes to an end. Once it’s finished, Ryan puts the guitar aside and nervously looks down at a spot of dirt on their couch. “So, uh, h-how was it?”

“Ryan,” is all Brendon can say. Ryan looks up at him, not sure what his face is supposed to be telling him. “Ryan, I-”

The brunet suddenly feels terrified. “Oh God,” he breathes, beginning to feel light headed. “You ha-”

He’s cut off by Brendon lunging forward, tackling him in a hug that sends them falling off the couch. Brendon finds himself unable to stop giggling, pinning Ryan underneath him and peppering his face with kisses. Ryan lets out relieved giggles of his own, living for the grin on Brendon’s face when he stops the kisses and just looks down at him.

“So,” Ryan breathes, licking his lips, “you liked it?”

Brendon fondly nods, leaning down and pressing a long kiss to Ryan’s lips. He pulls away, his eyes beginning to water as he nods again. “I loved it, Casanova.”

Ryan smiles, giggling once in triumph as he takes in how happy he made his boyfriend. “Awesome,” he says, frowning when he sees the tears welling in his boyfriend’s eyes. “Wait, are you crying?”

“What? No.” Brendon shakes his head, wiping his eyes with the heel of his hand. “I just…have a bit of May fourteenth in my eye.”

Ryan chuckles, shaking his head disbelievingly. “Yeah, okay. If you say so. But can we get up now?”

“Oh! Yeah.” Brendon says, getting up and sitting back on the couch, Ryan copying him.

“So,” Ryan smirks. “Where’s mine?”

Brendon reaches into his jean pocket, pulling out the two tickets he bought. He grins, handing them to a confused Ryan. “Happy anniversary, bean.”

Ryan looks the tickets over once before his eyes widen. Just when Brendon thinks they’re about to pop out of their sockets, Ryan rereads the writing on the tickets again and again. “Brendon, what did you-did you really-oh my God-if this is a prank I swear-”

Brendon chuckles, cutting him off with his laughter. “It’s not fake. We’re going to Green Day, darling.”

Ryan chokes on air, looking as if he’s about to have a heart attack. “Oh my God,” he breathes, his hand that’s holding the tickets now shaking. “I-I’m gonna go see…”

Brendon’s startled by being tackled in a hug, being knocked off the couch again and getting a really big kiss pressed to his lips. “So, I’m guessing you like it?” He asks the frantic boy, who’s now literally bouncing up and down on his lap.

Ryan vigorously nods, his grin as big as it was when he laughed at Brendon’s joke earlier. “Brendon, I don’t just like it,” he answers. “I fucking love it. Oh my God. Thank you so fucking much, Jesus Christ.”

Brendon smiles at him, getting another kiss as Ryan recovers from the shock. When he does, they go back to sitting on the couch and continuing to abandon their takeout food. They sit in one of their many arrangements; Ryan’s head is resting on Brendon’s chest, half of the former’s body on top of the latter’s as they lay together and watch TV, Ryan lifting his head once in a while to thank Brendon for the millionth time.

It truly is a perfect night.


	15. Reminders and Orthodontists

“Friendly reminder that our Green Day concert is in three months, two weeks, and one day.”

Brendon sighs, looking up from the stove to face his excited boyfriend. “Yes Ryan, I’m aware,” he says. “You’ve been reminding me ever since I gave you those tickets.”

Ryan grins, bouncing on his heels as he giggles. “Yeah, but I can’t help it! I’m excited!”

“Yeah, I can tell.” Brendon chuckles, infatuated with the smile on Ryan’s face as he reaches out and ruffles his brown curls. “I haven’t seen you this happy since you discovered Vine. Happiness looks good on you, Casanova.”

Ryan lets out a small squeal, turning and walking out of the kitchen. “Three months, two weeks, and one day!” He cheers, making Brendon laugh and fall just the tiniest bit more in love.

~~

“Friendly reminder that-”

“Yes Ryan, we know.” Sarah interrupts him, rolling her eyes as she whisks cake batter in a bowl in her kitchen. “You’ve said that about twenty times already, and you’ve only been here five minutes.”

Ryan winces, watching her do her thing as he leans against the kitchen counter. “Shit, I have?”

“Yeah, but it’s okay.” Jenna smiles at him before turning to Sarah, scowling before whipping an egg shell at her head. “Don’t spit on our son’s dream, Sarah,” the blond scolds. “You’re just bitter you’re not married to Katy Perry.”

Sarah sighs. “Fair enough.”

Ryan tilts his head, suddenly confused. “But you look exactly like her,” he observes. “That would be confusing.”

Jenna bursts into laughter. “That’s exactly what I told her when she told me that!” She exclaims, wiping her flour-covered hands on her red gingerbread man apron. “See, Ortho? I’m not insane.”

“Not entirely,” Sarah mutters.

“Wait, back up,” Ryan says. “Ortho?”

Jenna nods. “Yup. It’s short for orthodontist, because her last name’s Orzechowski and that kind of sounds like orthodontist.”

“And because you were high on laughing gas when you first called me that.”

Jenna shrugs. “Okay, that too.”

Ryan chuckles at them. “Oh, you girls and your weird nicknames.”

Sarah scoffs, playfully smirking at him. “Oh, yeah? Care to explain Vanilla Bean?”

“Isn’t that an ice cream?” Jenna asks. “Ooh Sarah, let’s have ice cream for dinner!”

“Vanilla Bean is simple,” Ryan smugly answers. “Once I was joking around with Brendon and he got all sentimental and told me I could tell him anything. I then replied with `well, that if I want to become a stripper named Vanilla Bean?’ and I guess it stuck.”

Sarah blinks. “And how high were you?”

Ryan laughs, shrugging. “Who knows anymore.”

“I tried calling Sarah Katy for a while,” Jenna chimes in. “It didn’t go too well.”

“I started calling her a Timbit,” Sarah says, “but apparently she doesn’t like being called a small Canadian donut.”

“They’re too small to be considered donuts!” Jenna defends. “You’re saying I’m small and a disgrace!”

“Someone who thinks that Timbits are a disgrace is someone who’s never tried one before, Jenna.”

“Oh, eat my egg shells Sarah.”

Ryan claps his hands together, smiling at them. “Aw,” he coos, “look at the happy couple!”

~~

“What’s gonna happen when you go to New York?” Ryan randomly asks in the middle of dinner.

Brendon shrugs, eating a spoonful of mashed potatoes before speaking. “Well, I assume I’ll get off the plane and wait for my luggage-”

“Brendon, you know that’s not what I mean,” Ryan says. “I mean, what’s gonna happen with us?”

Brendon thinks for a moment. “I mean,” he cautiously starts, “I never really thought about it. I just figured we’d try a long-distance relationship.”

“I haven’t heard the best things about those,” Ryan nearly mutters. “I’ve heard people grow apart and hate each other, and-”

Brendon feels every organ in his body freeze. “Ryan,” he warily starts, “are you suggesting we break up?”

Ryan’s eyes shoot open. “Shit, no!” He exclaims, now panicked. “No no no, that’s not what I want at all.”

“Then what do you want?” Brendon asks, not meaning to sound as angry as he did. “Please just tell me so we can be on the same page.”

Ryan sighs, groaning as he balls his hands into fists. “I don’t know what I want,” he snaps. “I know I don’t want to break up, but I’d hate to still be dating you and not be able to see you everyday.”

“You can still see me everyday,” Brendon says. “There’s a framed picture of us somewhere in this apartment. We can also Skype, and-”

“That’s not the same,” Ryan cuts him off, clearly thinking things over. “But, I guess if it means that much to you, then we can try it.”

“Do you remember what I told you when I gave you that wasabi shirt?” Brendon asks. “I told you I’m never gonna let you go. I’m a man of my word, Casanova. I’m not letting your cute and mostly irritating ass go, whether you like it or not.”

Ryan begins to smile at that.

“And now you’ve bummed me out, and a punishment is in order.” Brendon stands up. “Go to the bedroom and take your shirt off. I’m gonna tie you up and tickle you until you pee.”

Ryan snickers at that, squirming at the thought of all that. “Wow, how romantic.”

“Less talking, more laughing.”


	16. Morning Cuddles and Helpful Lesbians

Ryan taps Brendon’s shoulder. “Brendon.” When he doesn’t wake up, he taps again. “Brendon.”

Brendon groans, tightening his arms around the smaller brunet and pulling him to his chest. “Fuck off,” he mumbles.

Ryan smiles a bit, propping his chin on Brendon’s chest and looking at him. “Brendon, pay attention to me. Today we have to go to work, so let’s get up and take a shower.”

“Sorry, I can’t.” Brendon pushes Ryan’s head down so now his cheek is resting on his bare chest, tiredly stroking his hair. “I’m too busy sleeping.”

Ryan chuckles, now being held in place so he doesn’t move. “Uh, Brendon?” He asks. “Usually I like to be asked first before I’m pinned down.”

Brendon lightly hums in acknowledgement, beginning to fall back asleep. Ryan holds back a dramatic sigh, wedging his leg in between Brendon’s slightly spread ones to make himself more comfortable. He tries to fall back asleep, not surprised when he doesn’t and he’s left laying there, wondering how mad Elizabeth will be if he’s late to work today. He finds himself not caring after five minutes of contemplation, and shifts some more so his arms aren’t bent in an uncomfortable angle.

As much as it may seem he doesn’t, Ryan really does love these types of mornings. His heart feels warm whenever he tries to get up but being interrupted by his boyfriend pulling him down to cuddle more, and he wishes that he could miss work everyday if it meant more cuddles. But alas, taxes are a thing and they must be paid. Not to mention that sometimes Brendon farts while they cuddle, and Ryan considers that to be a bit of a turn off.

He has a fleeting thought of whether or not Brendon’s ever silently farted while they were having sex, but he pushes it aside and buries it deep in the depths of his mind.

Ryan sometimes wonders why Brendon is the only person allowed to touch him in any way; he’s never really enjoyed the idea of any type of touch, and he barely even held hands with his middle school girlfriend because he felt so uncomfortable. Elizabeth is the only female exception. He felt the same way around Brendon for the longest time until they went out for pizza with their friends one night in college, where Ryan had gotten some tomato sauce on his cheek. Brendon reached out to wipe it, causing Ryan to immediately flinch away at the gesture before allowing it.

He supposes it’s because Brendon’s the only person he’s ever truly trusted; he definitely trusts Elizabeth, but Brendon is a whole other level. They know almost everything about each other, and none of that information has ever been used against them except for in playful teasing.

It’s a magical thing, coming to the conclusion of how much you truly love someone. It can be amazing, but it depends on the circumstances.

Ryan attempts to get up, now realizing he really has to go to work, but Brendon pulls him down again. “Come on, B,” he groans against Brendon’s skin. “Let me go.”

“No,” Brendon mumbles. “It’s against the law. Pretty boys have to stay and cuddle their boyfriends for the rest of forever. Abide by the laws of this land, Casanova.”

“No, I’m gonna abide by the laws of a girl named Elizabeth Anne Berg.” Ryan sighs, prying Brendon’s arms off of him and sitting up. “Unlike you, I care about my job.”

Brendon gives him an overly offended look. “Um, why am I being bullied at like five in the morning?”

“Brendon, it’s nine thirty.”

“I’m sorry, did I stutter?”

Ryan sighs, shaking his head as he gets off the bed to go into the bathroom. “You make absolutely no sense,” he calls over his shoulder, “you know that?”

“It’s what makes me interesting!” Brendon calls back.

“Sure, honey. Okay.”

~~

 

“You’d be a good stripper.”

Ryan chokes on his Coke, looking up from his phone at Elizabeth across the picnic table. “Uh, excuse me?”

She rests her elbows on the table, looking at him with a slightly amused smirk. “You heard me,” she snarkily replies. “You have the legs for it, and your cuteness is bound to attract lots of people.”

“Where’s this coming from?” He asks. “Wait, do I even want to know?”

Elizabeth shrugs. “I was thinking about strippers today,” she starts, “because I haven’t been to a strip club since we were eighteen.”

“I think that’s a good thing,” Ryan replies. “Strip clubs are gross. I got like ten STDs from just sitting in a chair looking at girls.”

Elizabeth chuckles. “Hey, it’s your fault you didn’t realize you were gay as shit back then.”

“How was I supposed to know?”

“You had five pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong in your locker in high school,” she answers. “Not to mention that you avoided girls like the plague after you broke up with your girlfriend. Everyone around us thought you were heartbroken, but I knew.”

Ryan groans. “It’s moments like this that make me wish that I met you after high school,” he says. “You know too much about my past.”

“It’s my job as your honorary best friend to know everything, George.”

“You’re on thin fucking ice, Elizabeth Anne Berg.”

 

She sighs, defeated. “Touche.”

He chuckles a bit at that, looking down at his untouched sandwich before looking back up at her. “So,” he starts, “since you’re my honorary best friend or some dumb shit like that, can I talk to you about something?”

She nods. “Sure, Curious George.”

“Nevermind. You’re an asshole.”

“I’m kidding, you turd. Spill.”

“I just…” Ryan sighs. “I feel like a bad person.”

Elizabeth reaches over and rests her hand over his. “It’s okay, Ryan,” she says softly. “Masturbation is totally normal-”

“Woah woah woah, no!” He pulls his hand away, cringing as Elizabeth laughs her ass off. “We are not talking about that, young lady.”

She calms down, crossing her arms and resting her elbows on the table before talking. “Okay okay, geez. What’s up?”

“You know how I literally forced Brendon to take that role in Kinky Boots?” He asks, waiting for Elizabeth to nod before continuing. “Well, I’m having second thoughts. Sort of.”

“What the fuck does `sort of’ mean?” She asks. “It’s either you are or you aren’t, my dude.”

“I know that,” he says. “It’s just, I’m really not ready to let him go. You saw how I was before we met. I don’t wanna go back to being that Ryan ever again.”

“Okay, that makes sense.”

“But I also don’t wanna hold him back from achieving his true potential,” he continues. “I don’t know how I should feel, because I don’t wanna not miss him but I don’t wanna miss him too much.”

“Why don’t you just go with him?” Elizabeth asks. “New York is fun. I bet you’d love it there.”

“I’d still be holding him back,” he explains. “He’d try to come home early instead of getting extra practise just so we can watch a movie. He’d miss out on late-night parties with agents and shit so he can stay home with me. I can’t let him not live his life because I have problems I’m too scared to work out with a therapist.”

“You realize he’s not obligated to do all that, right?” Elizabeth asks, though Ryan can tell it’s rhetorical. “He didn’t sign an eternally binding contract or anything. He only does that because he cares about you.”

“I know. It’s not that I’m ungrateful, it’s just that I don’t want to be the main reason he doesn’t experience those things.”

“Ah, I see.” Elizabeth nods, leaning back and dropping her arms so they hang by her sides. “You’re in quite a pickle, my friend.”

He nods, sighing. “Tell me about it.”

“I don’t know what to tell you,” she says. “I wish I did, but it seems like the only thing to do is let him go and see if it’s really meant to be. If it is, you’ll be reunited one day, get married, have adorable dog children all named Z, and live happily ever after. If not, then that’s okay. You’re a strong independent Ryan who don’t need no Beeb to make you feel complete.”

He chuckles a bit at that. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks, Z.”

She gets up and bows. “Anytime, my Ry Guy.”


	17. Engagements and Watching The Sky

“Wanna get engaged?”

Ryan sleepily blinks, slightly opening his eyes and looking at his wide awake boyfriend next to him. “What?”

Brendon lays on his side in their bed, propping himself up with his elbow. “Wanna get engaged?” He repeats, his eyes never leaving Ryan’s.

The tired boy gives him a confused look. “I don’t get it,” he says. “What’s the joke?”

Brendon rolls his eyes. “It’s not a joke, you stain,” he comments. “It’s a genuine question. Wanna get engaged?”

Ryan turns to the alarm clock on his bedside table, turning back to Brendon. “B, it’s three in the fucking morning,” he snaps. “Do you really expect me to want to do anything at this hour?”

Brendon thinks for a moment. “That’s a valid point.”

“I know.” Ryan huffs, turning on his side with his back facing Brendon. “Now let me sleep, you buffoon.”

~~

“Wanna get engaged?”

Ryan sighs. “Well, at least you chose a decent time to ask this time.”

“Really?” Brendon asks. “In the middle of a shower is a decent time?”

“It’s more decent than three in the morning.”

Brendon nods. “Touche.” He grabs a bottle of shampoo, turning it upside down over the palm of his hand. “By the way, we need more shampoo. I hate our upside down method.”

“It’s not our method, it’s yours.” Ryan corrects, crossing his arms. “You’ve tainted my responsibleness and now we have to resort to shampoo methods because someone spent fifty dollars on a huge chocolate bar two days ago.”

“I was drunk!” Brendon protests. “You can’t hold me accountable for what I do when I’m drunk.”

“Well, I can’t yell at a margarita.”

“Well you can, but it gets you kicked out of Costco with a fine and a free hot dog sample shoved up your ass. I speak from experience.”

Ryan gives him a half shocked, half confused look. “Wha-I’m not even gonna ask.”

Brendon smiles, fondly shaking his head. “Anyways, you’ve yet to answer my question.”

“I haven’t really thought about it, so I can’t answer it,” Ryan admits. “Brendon, I never even thought I’d ever live with a boyfriend, let alone have one.”

Brendon nods, his smile vanishing. “So, what are you saying?”

Ryan unfolds his arms, grabbing Brendon’s biceps and looking him in the eye. “I’m saying I love you, and I wanna spend a lot of time with you, but I haven’t thought about getting engaged yet. I don’t think we should get engaged unless we’re absolutely positive.”

“I’m absolutely positive,” Brendon says, not even skipping a beat. “Why aren’t you?”

“Did you not hear me? Getting engaged is a really big deal, and I need time to think about it,” Ryan explains. “Where did you even get such an idea?”

Brendon shrugs, noticing the water (which they forgot was even on) has gotten cold. He fixes that before turning back to Ryan. “I don’t know,” he admits. “I was just thinking last night, and I thought we could get engaged so when I go to New York we don’t have to worry about anything.”

Ryan blinks. “I don’t even know what to think about that.”

“So it’s a no?”

“It’s a definite no.”

“Alright, okay. Whatever floats your boat, Casanova.”

~~

 

“Dude, who are you? Ross Gellar?” Dallon asks, making Brendon groan and fall back on his couch. “Did you really think getting engaged will solve your anxieties about leaving?”

Brendon shrugs. “I don’t know. I just thought it would make me feel a bit better.”

“About what? Are you afraid Ryan will cheat or something?”

“No, it’s not that.” He shakes his head. “I just...I’m afraid I’ll move away and we’ll break up. If we’re engaged, we have something to hold onto.”

“But what if you break up either way?” Dallon asks. “I mean, as much as I think that won’t happen, it’s a possibility.”

“Yeah, there’s also that.” Brendon nods. “I’m just really afraid of losing him, that’s all.”

“I get that. I don’t know what I’d do if I had to leave Breezy,” Dallon says. “But don’t resort to getting engaged just because you feel like it’s some sort of concrete bond while you’re in New York. You should only get engaged if you’re absolutely positive you wanna marry him someday.”

Brendon nods. “Since when did you become the dating guru?”

Dallon shrugs. “I have no idea, but I feel great. I should write a newspaper column.”

“You can’t even write a grocery list, how can you write a newspaper column?”

“I’d be offended if that wasn’t completely true.”

~~

Ryan jumps when he feels arms wrap around his neck from behind, smiling when he feels a pair of lips pressing against his cheek as he sits in a patio chair on their balcony. “There you are.”

Brendon smiles, pressing his cheek against Ryan’s as he holds him close. “What’s up, fucker?”

“The world’s overall temperature due to climate change,” Ryan answers. “Where have you been? You were supposed to be home nearly an hour ago.”

“I stopped by Dallon’s to check up on my bro,” Brendon answers, pulling six yellow dandelions out of his pocket and handing it to him, “and to give you these.”

“Dandelions?” Ryan asks as Brendon unwraps his arms, standing up and getting Brendon to sit down so he can sit on his lap. “I have to say Brendon, this is really romantic.”

Brendon chuckles, his arms wrapping around the bean in his lap. “Well I wanted to get you flowers, but dandelions are free.”

Ryan smiles, wrapping an arm around him and kissing his forehead. “You’re the biggest dork in the world.”

“Oh, you love it,” Brendon retorts. “And you’ll love it even more when you hear what plans I have for dinner.”

Ryan raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Yup.” Brendon proudly nods. “I was thinking we go get McDonalds and stargaze again. I know we usually reserve that for special occasions, but everyday with you-”

“-Is a special occasion, yeah yeah.” Ryan rolls his eyes. “God, you’re so cheesy. And broke, remember?”

“Not broke enough to not be able to afford McDonalds, Casanova.” Brendon pats Ryan’s thigh. “Now get your bony ass off of me so we can feast.”

~~

“I’m still not over the ending of Dinosaurs, you know.” Brendon says, wrapping an arm around Ryan as they sit on the hood of his car. “I mean, how the hell could you end a show like that? Especially if it’s for kids?”

Ryan chuckles, reaching into his McDonald’s bag and grabbing a handful of fries. “Wow, Brendon,” he says, “I had no idea you were so passionate about this.”

“Well, it’s just wrong!” Brendon exclaims. “It’s morally wrong to heavily imply that a whole family of goddamn fucking dinosaurs freeze to death! There was even a baby, Ryan! A motherfucking baby that had the potential to be the next Einstein or some shit, but no! That little thing had to die! And wha-”

“Shh.” Ryan coos, shoving French fries into Brendon’s mouth. “Don’t worry, it’ll be okay.”

Brendon discontentedly munches on the fries, visibly calming down. “I’m just mad, that’s all,” he mutters.

“Yeah, I figured.” Ryan nods, patting his shoulder.

“How the hell are these fries so good?” Brendon asks, the previous topic apparently long forgotten. “Like, the rest of their menu is bleh but the fries are the best things in the world since blowjobs and-”

“Please don’t finish that sentence,” Ryan pleads. “I just wanna eat my food in peace.”

Brendon shrugs. “I mean, I was gonna say blowjobs and looking at you, but fine.”

Ryan scoffs, throwing his napkin at him. “Oh, you hush with those lies.”

Brendon chuckles, picking the napkin up off his thigh and throwing it back at Ryan. “I’m not lying, you grape. You’re fucking beautiful. You’re like a young Paul McCartney, but way prettier and less talented.”

“Hey!” Ryan grins, throwing the napkin back.

“What? Literally no one is more talented than Paul McCartney,” Brendon defends. “He was a fucking Beatle, for Christ’s sake.”

Ryan nods. “Okay, yeah. You have a point.”

“I know I do.” Brendon smirks, pulling Ryan closer and kissing his forehead. “But that’s okay. I still love you, even though you aren’t a Beatle.”

Ryan chuckles, resting his head on Brendon’s shoulder. “Likewise.”

Brendon kisses his forehead again, gently rubbing his arm as they look up at the sky.

“Hey, Brendon?” Ryan asks, lifting his head to look at his lover.

Brendon turns his head, smiling at him. “Yeah?”

Ryan grins. “Friendly reminder that our Green Day concert is in two months, three weeks and six days.”

Brendon chuckles. “I know. You’ve already said that today.”

“Have I?” Ryan asks. “I can’t keep track of how many times I say it, I just feel like I need to remind you so you don’t forget. We’re gonna be in the same room as Billie Joe Armstrong, Brendon. If he wasn’t famous I’d totally hit him up.”

“Dude, same. Literally.”

“Does that make us horrible people?”

Brendon shakes his head. “No, because threesomes exist and they’re beautiful.”

Ryan nods. “Good point.”


	18. Eyeliner and Gay Movies

“Brendon, stop twitching.” Ryan sighs, pulling his eyeliner away from his boyfriend’s eyes. He crosses his arms, giving him a slight glare. “You’re gonna look insane if you keep moving.”

“I can’t help it,” Brendon replies. “I have ADHD and a really cute boy in my lap. They make me squirm, especially the latter.”

Ryan rolls his eyes, fighting a smile as he presses the tip of the eyeliner pen to the bottom of Brendon’s eye. “You’re an idiot,” he says before getting back to work.

Brendon tries his best not to squirm, feeling Ryan’s warm breath fan against his lips as he glides the pen across his skin. The former subconsciously reaches up to gently grab Ryan’s hips, giving them a soft squeeze before his hands go up his sweatshirt and tenderly rub the skin on Ryan’s lower stomach.

He shivers at Brendon’s cold touch. “Brendon, come on.”

Brendon ignores him, keeping his eyes on the brunet’s face as his hands glide up to the top of Ryan’s chest and down again, repeating the swift motion as Ryan shivers again. “Bren,” he starts, “it’s really hard to focus on your eyeliner when your cold ass hands are feeling me up.”

“Forget about the eyeliner,” Brendon says, his voice soft. “You’re so pretty, Ry.”

Ryan ignores his last comment, his cheeks beginning to heat up. “We have a movie to go to,” he says. “I need to do this.”

Brendon hums in slight disappointment, sliding his hands to the small of Ryan’s back and gently pulling him closer on his lap. “The movie can wait.” He says, gently lowering Ryan down onto the bed and resting their foreheads together. “Everything in the world can wait.”

Ryan caps the eyeliner, getting the vibe that he’s not gonna be getting ready anytime soon. “I have to get myself ready too, and there might be tra-”

Brendon cuts him off with a sigh. “For fuck’s sake Ryan, shut up,” he snaps. “I’m trying to make out with you.”

“I mean, I figured as much when you-” Ryan’s cut off by Brendon’s lips suddenly coming down against his, shutting him up.

The brunet’s fingers card through Brendon’s hair, going along with things as he comes up with a plan. He waits a while before gently pushing Brendon onto his back, climbing on top of him and straddling his hips. Ryan pins his wrists to the mattress, smirking down at him. “Brendon,” he says, “we really need to get ready.”

Brendon pouts. “Oh, fine.” He rolls his eyes, pretending to be annoyed. “But only because I prefer to be the dominant one.”

~~

 

“Why did we think it was a good idea to wear eyeliner when seeing Love, Simon?” Ryan asks, wiping a tissue under his eyes as they walk out of a movie theatre. “I mean, I get it was for the aesthetic, but is an aesthetic really worth it?”

“Most of the time I’d say yes,” Brendon starts, placing his hand on the small of Ryan’s back as they walk, “but not this time. I feel like a middle-aged emo leaving an Evanescence concert.”

Ryan sniffles, looking up at Brendon and laughing. “Yeah, and you look like it too.”

Brendon shoots him a glare. “You’re one to talk, Mr. Elaborate-Raven-Man. You look like you’re crying blood mixed with eyeliner.”

“Though you have to admit that’s pretty emo,” Ryan observes.

Brendon sighs, slipping his arm around Ryan’s waist. “You win the emo award again, Mr. Casanova,” he says defeatedly as Ryan cackles.

“Ryan three, Brendon negative one!” Ryan grins. “Honestly man, step up your game. It’s exhausting being emo for the both of us.”

Brendon chuckles. “Whatever you say, bean. Whatever you say.”

~~

 

Dal Pal: B i t c h

Dal Pal: T h o t

Dal Pal: S t a l e

Dal Pal: A s s

Dal Pal: O a t m e a l

Dal Pal: R a i s i n

Dal Pal: C o o k i e

Brendick: Wtf do you want you shitball sundae

Dal Pal: First off, rude

Brendick: You literally just called me a bitch and a thot but go off

Dal Pal: Second off, hOW GODDAMN DARE YOU

Brendick: What did I do now

Dal Pal: WHAT MADE YOU THINK YOU COULD GO SEE LOVE, SIMON WITHOUT ME

Dal Pal: I THOUGHT I’M YOUR BEST FRIEND

Brendick: BITCH YOU ARE

Dal Pal: *insert Pinocchio pic*

Brendick: BUT I NEEDED ANOTHER BONDING MOMENT WITH RY BEFORE I LEAVE HIS ASS

Dal Pal: YOU’RE LEAVING MY ASS TOO

Dal Pal: ON A SIDE NOTE

Dal Pal: IF YOU THINK YOU CAN LEAVE IN TWO MONTHS AND TWO WEEKES WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE TO ME THEN YOU’LL BE A DEAD SON OF A BITCH

Brendick: I wasn’t planning on it but okay

Dal Pal: GOOD

Dal Pal: I LOVE YOU

Brendick: I LOVE YOU TOO

Brendick: WHY ARE WE STILL TYPING IN ALL CAPS

Dal Pal: IT ACCENTUATES HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU AND CHERISH OUR FRIENDSHIP

Brendick: THAT’S GAY

Dal Pal: SAYS YOU

Brendick: STFU THOTTICUS

Dal Pal: WTF IS A THOTTICUS

Brendick: YOU, HOE

Dal Pal: O O F

Brendick: K well I’m gonna go spend time with my boyfriend bye

Dal Pal: BROS BEFORE HOES YOU SWINE

Dal Pal: K fine

Dal Pal: Go ahead and ignore me

Dal Pal: It’s not like I have feelings or anything

Dal Pal: ;__;

Dal Pal: K whatever I HAVE OTHER FRIENDS

Dal Pal: Bye hoe

~~

“Do you like being gay?” Ryan randomly asks, closing Invisible Monsters and looking down at Brendon.

Brendon gives him a confused look, his head resting in Ryan’s lap as they lay on their bed together. “What kind of a question is that?”

Ryan shrugs, placing the book aside and briefly playing with a strand of Brendon’s hair. “I don’t know.”

Brendon thinks for a moment. “I mean, I guess I like certain aspects of it,” he starts. “I like being in love with you and having any form of gay sex, but it’s not really fun getting weird looks when I wanna hold your hand in public. Not to mention the fact that there are lots of people in the world who want all gays to die, which isn’t the best thought.” He looks up at Ryan, taking his hand and kissing his palm. “But it’s worth it. Every single hardship is worth it in the end.”

“Don’t you think things would be easier if you were straight?”

Brendon shrugs. “I’d be miserable if I were straight. I seriously doubt we’d even be friends.”

“What makes you say that?”

“The main reason I began talking to you was because I was attracted to you.” Brendon explains, holding Ryan’s hand against his cheek. “If I liked girls, I never would have even cared about you.”

Ryan shudders, not wanting to think of a scenario where that could ever be possible. “Good point.”

“Where’s this coming from?” Brendon asks, reaching up and tapping Ryan’s temple with his index finger. “What’s going on up there, baby?”

Ryan shakes his head. “Nothing, don’t worry,” he says. “Love, Simon just got me thinking, that’s all.”

“Wow, that’s not cryptically vague at all,” Brendon playfully smirks. “But yeah, I guess I love being gay because then I get moments like this where I can tell you, my amazingly smart boyfriend, literally anything without worrying about you leaving.”

“You’re an open book,” Ryan replies, “but lucky for you, those are my favorite types of books.”

Brendon tilts his head in confusion. “Is that your attempt at a compliment?”

Ryan scoffs. “No,” he says, “it’s me succeeding at complimenting you.”

“Well, of course it was.” Brendon rolls his eyes, shaking his head as best as he can. “What was I thinking?”

“Well, clearly you weren’t.” Ryan retorts, carding his fingers through Brendon’s hair.

“You’re the only person I know that can roast me while still being all affectionate towards me, you know that?” Brendon asks.

Ryan smiles down at him. “I take a lot of pride in being that person.”

“I take a lot of pride in that too.”

“No homo though, right?”

“Precisely.”


	19. Groupchats and Surprises

Dal Pal: BITCHES

Febreezy: Dallon it’s like eight in the mornion on a Sunday wtf do you want

Jenna: mornion

Jenna: Wait why am I here

Febreezy: Not to bully me, that’s for sure

Dal Pal: IT’S SUNDAY

Febreezy: Yes babe we’ve established this

Dal Pal: LET’S ALL HANG OUT

Ortho: Are you assuming we all have days off today

Dal Pal: Bitch I k n o w y’all have days off today

Dal Pal: And Brendon can skip a day of work since he won’t have that job for much longer anyways

Brendick: That’s true

Ry Guy: I don’t have a day off you sporks

Brendick: Ry how dare you leave me with these specimens

Dal Pal: Top 10 Brutal Betrayals in Anime History

Ry Guy: I’m on Daddy duty today so bye binches

Jenna: Daddy duty?

Jenna: Is that some sort of gay innuendo

Ortho: You say that as if you’re not gay

Ortho: What we did last night says otherwise

Febreezy: UM

Jenna: Boi all we did was watch The L-Word until you fell asleep and drooled on my boob

Ortho: It doesn’t get more lesbian than that honey

Jenna: Don’t honey me you boob drooler

Brendick: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

Dal Pal: A N Y W A Y S

Dal Pal: Jenna can you borrow your dad’s car

Jenna: Boi no I have to go to church

Dal Pal: Jenna

Dal Pal: Hun

Dal Pal: Jesus left you a long time ago

Jenna: Fair point

Jenna: What time should I bring the car by?

~~

Dal Pal: GIRLS WHERE ARE YOU AT I’M STARVING

Febreezy: Dallon I made you a salad an hour ago

Dal Pal: That was an hour ago. It’s been all digested and now I’m hungry again

Febreezy: I can make you another salad

Dal Pal: No you can’t

Febreezy: Why not

Dal Pal: Salads are gross and I don’t want another one

Brendick: Wtf Breezy stop trying to force your beliefs onto him

Dal Pal: Yeah I’M MY OWN PERSON

Febreezy: Yeah and you’ll be on your own forever if I keep getting this attitude

Ortho: YAS QUEEN TELL EM

Dal Pal: SARAH WHERE ARE YOU AND JENNA I’M S T A R V I N G

Ortho: We were on our way but then sOMEONE wanted to make a stop at Dunkin’ to get a snack

Ortho: We’ve been here for nearly an hour because she can’t decide on how many she wants and what kinds to get

Ortho: My girlfriend is an indecisive maniac and she must be stopped

Brendick: At least she isn’t like that with books and vinyls

Brendick: Ryan will literally spend an hour in a bookstore reading a book before an employee kicks him out

Brendick: Same with vinyls in vintage stores

Ry Guy: Oh, you love it

Brendick: Sweaty get back to work you have a Daddy to take care of

Ortho: WTF IS A DADDY I’M SCARED

Brendick: It’s a dog he has to look after

Febreezy: ...there’s a dog named Daddy

Brendick: Worse

Brendick: His name is Big Daddy

Febreezy: I SPAT OUT MY TEA

Dal Pal: ^ I can confirm that statement is true

Ortho: I choked on air???

Dal Pal: Is he a good boy

Dal Pal: Is he a good daddy

Ry Guy: S T O P

Jenna: This is why I go to church

Ortho: JENNA YOU’RE STILL AT THE COUNTER WHY ARE YOU TEXTING

Jenna: MY PHONE WAS BUZZING LIKE CRAZY IN MY POCKET AND I HAD TO MAKE IT STOP

Brendick: You will tolerate the crotch vibrations Ms. Black and yOU WILL LIKE THEM

Ortho: B STOP HARASSING MY GIRLFRIEND WITH YOUR SHIT

Jenna: I’m putting this on silent because y’all don’t know how to act

Dal Pal: LESS TALKING MORE COMING OVER SO I CAN SEE YOU PEEPS

Brendick: I’m heading over now, fuck you girls

Ortho: Sorry we’re gay

Dal Pal: *insert I Thought You Were American meme*

~~

Dal Pal: Y’ALL

Dal Pal: IT’S BEEN 84 YEARS

Dal Pal: APPARENTLY BRENDON’S STUCK IN TRAFFIC SOOOOO

Dal Pal: WHERE ARE YOU GIRLS

Jenna: Sooooo

Jenna: Funny story

Ortho: I mean not really but yeah

Jenna: We got in an accident

Febreezy: WHAT

Brendick: Full story. Now.

Jenna: Okay so

Ortho: No I’m telling it since apparently you don’t know how to act

Jenna: Fair enough

Ortho: Okay so

Ortho: Jenna was originally driving but she asked me to so she could eat her donuts, so I graciously agreed like the amazing girlfriend that I am

Ortho: While I was driving we got into a heated debate on time management, which I admittedly started

Ortho: As we turned into a Starbucks drive through Jenna was trying to hand me a donut and I wasn’t paying attention to the road because I was telling her off and then BAM

Dal Pal: That bam was too aggressive I feel threatened

Jenna: The donuts were okay but we hit the car in front of us and now the donuts taste like guilt

Brendick: Why would we care if the donuts are okay

Jenna: Idk I figured one of you might

Brendick: Well considering the fact that I’ve known Sarah since we were fetuses I think I’d care more about her than food

Dal Pal: Fetusi

Brendick: Speaking of which are you okay

Ortho: Yeah I’m fine, but do any of you have like a thousand dollars I can borrow

Brendick: *crickets*

Dal Pal: *whistles in Swedish*

Febreezy: How do you whistle in Swedish

Dal Pal: Yes

Febreezy: I want a divorce

Dal Pal: We’re not even married yet

Brendick: Y E T ?

Febreezy: Wait did we not tell you

Brendick: TELL US WHAT

Dal Pal: We’re engaged!

Brendick: W H A T

Brendick: WHAT THE FUCK

Ry Guy: OH MY GOD

Ortho: You didn’t know?

Brendick: NO

Ry Guy: WHY DOES SARAH KNOW AND NOT US

Jenna: I know too

Brendick: WHAT THE FUCK DALLON

Brendick: YOU GET UPSET WITH ME FOR NOT TAKING YOU TO LOVE, SIMON AND THEN YOU PULL SHIT LIKE THIS

Brendick: YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND

Brendick: WE HAVE THE SAME TOOTH SCARS ON OUR ARMS FROM BIBLE CAMP

Jenna: The same what now

Brendick: WE LOST OUR VIRGINITIES TOGETHER

Ry Guy: Woah what

Brendick: WE TOOK PHOTO BOOTH PICTURES TOGETHER LIKE STEREOTYPICAL COUPLES BACK IN MIDDLE SCHOOL

Febreezy: I feel like there’s an explanation we’re not getting

Brendick: WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME YOU’RE ENGAGED

Brendick: W H Y

Dal Pal: Okay first off, Sarah was there when I proposed

Brendick: WHAT

Dal Pal: It wasn’t intentional. The day I finally got the courage to go over to Breezy’s apartment she just happened to be in the bathroom so she didn’t come out until I was on one knee and Breezy was crying

Jenna: Then she told me because she loves me

Brendick: So how long have you been hiding this

Dal Pal: …

Dal Pal: Almost a week now…?

Ry Guy: DALLON WTF

Dal Pal: I was gonna tell you guys today. That’s why I wanted to hang out, so I could tell you

Brendick: So Sarah would just sit there looking smug?

Ortho: No, I would have pretended to be surprised

Jenna: ^

Brendick: tHAT DOESN’T MAKE IT BETTER

Dal Pal: I was gonna tell you sooner but you’ve been busy with work and I wanted to tell you in person

Brendick: Well we all know how well that worked out, don’t we

Dal Pal: Brendon I’m sorry

Brendick: bReNdOn I’m SoRrY

Ry Guy: Shit, you just got dead memed

Brendick: Once this traffic clears up I’m turning around and going home

Dal Pal: Brendon please don’t

Brendick: It’s a little too late for you to say that

Ortho: Bren come on

Ortho: Brendon seriously

Ortho: Jesus Christ


	20. Regrets and Tension

“Brendon, please sit down,” Ryan pleads with a pacing Brendon. “Pacing won’t make anything better.”

Brendon huffs, his eyebrows furrowed as he ignores Ryan and stews in his own anger. “This is all bullshit,” he spits. “Dallon’s always told me everything. At least, I’ve always told him everything. Maybe he’s just a fake.”

“You know he isn’t like that,” Ryan says.

Brendon stops, twirling around and facing Ryan. “How do you know?”

“You’ve known him for years,” Ryan begins to explain, trying not to get too nervous under the piercing stare Brendon is giving him as he sits on their bed. “Like you said before, you’ve done so much together. I seriously doubt he’d have stuck around for this long if he was being fake.”

Brendon huffs again, going back to pacing. “I guess, but I still hate that he waited this long. I haven’t been that busy with work lately, have I?”

Ryan shakes his head. “No,” he says, “not with work.”

Brendon freezes. “What do you mean?”

“Babe, with all due respect, you’ve made it crystal clear that all you want to do is spend time with me before you leave,” Ryan says. “While I love that, it can make you seem unapproachable to others. I shouldn’t be your main priority right now, because I’m not the only person you’re leaving behind. Also,” he continues, standing up off their bed, “maybe he was hesitant to tell you because then you’d come up with another reason to stay.”

Brendon blinks, beginning to look confused. “What makes you say that?”

“Dallon’s an unpredictable person,” Ryan explains. “You know that as well as I do. He could call you up at seven in the morning and be like,” he pauses, sticking out his thumb and pinkie and holding his hand up to his ear, “`yo, we’re gonna go skydiving today at three. Be ready at one so I can pick you up.’” He drops his hand. “He’ll most likely do that with his wedding. He’ll call you up one day and be like `I hope you’re out of bed, because I’m outside your apartment with a limo to take you to my wedding.’ He most likely doesn’t want you to stick around just on the off-chance he gets married on a whim, because then he’d feel like he’s restraining you.”

Brendon keeps staring at him. “So,” he warily starts, “what’s your point?”

“He most likely didn’t wanna tell you because he knows you’d want to stay. He saw what happened with you and I, and he probably doesn’t wanna have that happen again.”

Brendon sighs, feeling defeated. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” He collapses onto the bed, groaning into the sheets as he grips them. “Was I too harsh?”

Ryan lets out a small sigh, reaching out and slowly but soothingly running his hand up and down Brendon’s back. “I think your anger is justified,” he answers, “but Dallon did make a valid point.”

Brendon sighs, turning his head so he can see Ryan. “He’s my best friend,” he repeats.

Ryan nods. “I know. If Elizabeth were to get engaged without telling me, I’d probably feel like you do right now.”

Brendon doesn’t reply, sighing as he sticks an arm out and makes a grabby hand gesture towards Ryan. He whines, causing Ryan to lay down and scoot next to him. Brendon surprises him by rolling over on top of him, burying his head into his neck and curling a leg around both of Ryan’s. “Am I a bad person?” He asks as Ryan reaches a hand up to card through his hair.

“No, I don’t think that at all,” Ryan replies, feeling a relaxed sigh against his skin as he practically pets his boyfriend. “You’re a very good person, and very good people mess up sometimes. It’s okay.”

“You mean that?” Brendon asks, his voice softer than he intended.

Ryan nods, pressing a chaste kiss to his temple. “I wouldn’t be here if I thought you were some pompous asshole.”

Brendon smiles, lifting his head and looking at him. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He says, giving Ryan a quick peck on his cheek. “After all, you have a very good taste in men.”

Ryan gently laughs, nodding as his fingers continue to card through his boyfriend’s hair. “Yeah,” he smiles, “sometimes I do.”

~~

“Did you really have to use me as an example?” Elizabeth asks, sounding incredulous over the phone. “I mean, I get someone like Dan or Vicky, but me? In the same discussion featuring marriage? In this economy?”

“Z, that’s besides the point.” Ryan says, scanning the isles of the grocery store for anything he can afford to eat. “The point is,” he pauses, moving his phone from his right hand to his left and tucking it between his cheek and his shoulder so he can reach into a freezer and grab a bag of peas, “Brendon had this whole crisis-”

“Yeah yeah, and you had to calm him down,” Elizabeth cuts him off. “No offence Ry, but I hear that from you way more often than I should.”

“Well, things are getting tense I guess.” He observes, putting the bag of peas into his shopping cart. He picks up his phone again, holding it to his ear as he steers the cart with one hand. “I mean,” he continues, “he’s leaving in two months. We both have a feeling things will be pretty intense for him after that, so I guess he’s a little tense from the anticipation.”

“And you’re not going with him to help him out because…?” Elizabeth asks, and even though they can’t see each other Ryan knows the face she’s making. It’s her I think you’re being an idiot but I don’t wanna say that so I don’t ruin our friendship face, and it’s painfully annoying when it’s targeted towards you.

Ryan sighs. “Z, for the last time, I don’t wanna weigh him down,” he huffs.

He gets the feeling she’s pursing her lips, which usually comes after her previous face. Ryan doesn’t like it one bit. “Ry, honey, you wouldn’t be weighing him down,” she says softly, as if speaking to a child. “If anything, I know you’d be encouraging him.”

“You don’t know him like I do,” he nearly snaps, quickly becoming frustrated. “It took me yelling at him and storming out of the house just to get him to accept the role. What will I have to do when he wants to stay in and cuddle when he should be rehearsing, or even going to a party?”

Elizabeth sighs. “Ryan-”

“I have to go,” he cuts her off. “My phone’s about to die.”

“Oh, alright,” she says. “Just remember what I said, okay?”

“Mm hmm, yeah.” Ryan nods, ending the call and continuing on in the store.

~~

“Good news!” Brendon grins, plopping down next to Ryan on their couch with a bowl of Doritos in his hands. He crosses his legs, turning to Ryan who’s suddenly very interested in what he has to say. “Dallon and I are on good terms. We talked it out and he loves me again.”

Ryan smiles, moving the bowl to the coffee table before resting his head on Brendon’s chest, holding back a content sigh when he feels his arms wrap around him. “I doubt he ever stopped, but I’m glad to hear things are all good.”

Brendon nods. “Yeah, me too.” He presses a kiss to the top of Ryan’s head, holding him tighter. “Apparently he thought Sarah would tell me, so he just assumed I already knew. Things are all Gucci in the land of Bren Bren who likes men men.”

Ryan chuckles at that, fondly shaking his head as he traces ovals on Brendon’s clothed stomach. “You’re ridiculous,” he says. “You know that?”

Brendon smiles, taking Ryan’s hand and kissing the back of it. “Well, someone in this relationship has to be.”

Ryan shrugs at that. “I mean, you’re not wrong.”

Brendon’s smile grows, grabbing the remote next to him and pointing it at the TV, about to turn it on, when he pauses.

“What are you doing?” Ryan asks, lifting his head and squirming out of Brendon’s grasp. “Turn the TV on, it’s Gumball time.”

Brendon sighs, putting the remote down and tilting his head. “Ry, would you say we’re open with each other?”

“Of course,” Ryan immediately answers, though he feels a bit bad lying. “Why?”

Brendon sighs again, moving a hand to Ryan’s hips as the brunet shifts to sit in his lap, his knees on either side of Brendon’s hips. “I don’t know,” Brendon shrugs, “I just don’t want us to lose our openness all because I’m leaving. I also feel like things are getting tense between us, and I want you to know you can talk to me about anything.” He says, tucking some of Ryan’s hair behind his ear. “You know that, right?”

Ryan nods. “Yeah yeah, I know,” he confirms. “And I know how you feel. I’ve been feeling some tension between us too.”

Brendon scratches the back of his neck, squirming a bit as Ryan watches him with soft eyes. “How about we make a pact?” He asks.

Ryan quizzically raises his eyebrows, crossing his arms as he gives Brendon a confused and mildly scared look. “It depends,” he says slowly. “What kind of pact?”

“A no tension pact,” Brendon declares, proudly grinning. “From now on, whenever there is any form of tension between us, we will sit down and sort through it like the adults that we are. Of course, sexual tension doesn’t count, because we certainly won’t be doing any talking if that arises.”

Ryan chuckles at that, ignoring the very mild chill that goes down his spine at the thought of it. “Okay,” he nods, “deal.”

Brendon raises his hand, extending his pinkie. “Let’s make it official,” he suggests, scoffing when Ryan rolls his eyes. “Hey, it’s an old tradition. We have to pinkie promise so I know you’re legit.”

Ryan lightly chuckles, shaking his head as he wraps his pinkie around Brendon’s. “Fine. I’m legit, are you happy now?”

Brendon grins even bigger, dropping his hand and giggling as he gleefully gives Ryan a quick kiss. “Very.”

Ryan smiles at his happiness, climbing off his lap and sitting next to him. “Okay, now it’s Gumball time.”

Brendon picks up the remote with one hand, turning the TV on as Ryan slowly laces their fingers together. Ryan exhales through his nose, savouring the feeling of Brendon’s hand in his as he turns to him. “Hey, Bren?”

Brendon turns to him, smiling a bit as their show comes on. “Hmm?”

“I love you.”

Brendon grins again, lifting their intertwined hands up and kissing the back of Ryan’s. He looks back up at the brunet, a soft smile on his face as he says, “read at eight in the evening.”

Ryan groans, taking his hand away and swatting at Brendon. “Oh, fuck off.”


	21. Coffee Shops and Music Stores

“Holy shit.” Ryan breathes, taking Breezy’s left hand in his and gaping at the silver ring adorning her ring finger. “Breezy,” he starts, tilting her hand and watching the small clear diamond on the top of it practically shine in the sunlight coming from the coffee shop window, “it’s beautiful.”

She giggles at that, pulling her hand back for a moment to admire the ring before letting Ryan look at it again. “I know, right?” She grins, sighing contently after speaking and slumping down in her cushioned seat. “God, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world right now. Can you believe Dallon wants to marry me? Out of all the people in the world, he chose me?”

“I mean,” Ryan chuckles, “I can believe it. You should have heard him talk about you the night Sarah introduced you two. It was like he wanted to marry you after knowing you for four hours.”

Breezy tilts her head at this information. “Wait, seriously?” She asks. “You never told me that.”

“I knew Dallon would kill me if I told anyone,” Ryan explains. “This time doesn’t count though. I’m just getting all the really embarrassing stuff out before the wedding.”

Breezy’s grin grows at the last word, squealing a bit as Ryan sips his coffee. “God, I never realized how much I love that word until now. Wedding. It’s so magical.”

Ryan smiles, putting his coffee down on the wooden table in front of them and crossing his arms. His elbows rest on the table, holding him up as he looks at her. “You seem excited.”

“No, I’m absolutely miserable.” Breezy rolls her eyes, pretending to be annoyed before grinning again. “Are you kidding me? I’m more than excited. I’m…” She trails off, looking for the right word.

“Thrilled?” Ryan offers. “Ecstatic? Elated? Jubilant? Tick-”

“Yeah, all of those at once.” She nods. “I just...wow. Ryan, I’m getting married.”

Ryan nods, his grin matching hers. “Yeah, I know.”

“Just wait until you and Brendon get married,” she says. “I bet you’ll go back into your rose phase and have everything rose-themed.”

“Shit, Brendon told you about that?”

“Honey, I’ve seen pictures,” Breezy says. “By the way, your hair was really cute back then.”

“No hetero though, right?”

Breezy nods, picking up her coffee. “Oh yeah, of course.”

Ryan mockingly shakes his head, feigning frustration. “God, he’s such a goddamn snitch,” he mutters.

Breezy giggles. “Hey, maybe you’ll wanna teach him a lesson tonight.” She says, wiggling her eyebrows provocatively.

Ryan chokes on air, his eyes widening as he coughs into his elbow. “What the-Breezy!”

She gasps, covering her mouth with her ringed hand. “Oh God, sorry!” She exclaims. “I swear, Dallon’s rubbing off on me.”

Ryan lets out a shaky breath, looking up at the ceiling and putting his hands together. “Please, God, if you’re up there,” he prays, “let me not have to deal with this on a daily basis once she marries Dallon.”

She moves her hand away, giggling again. “No promises, Ry Guy.”

~~

“How much was the ring?” Brendon asks, tuning a string on a guitar as he and his best friend sit in a music store. “Can you even afford to pay rent anymore?”

“Surprisingly, I can.” Dallon answers, beginning to improvise on the acoustic bass he found close to where they’re sitting. “I mean, I told my parents I was gonna propose and they said I should use all the money I can and they’d pay for my rent until I got all the money back.”

“Why didn’t they just give you the money to buy the ring?” Brendon asks.

“That’s not very classy, and I wanted the ring to be just from me so it seems more personal,” Dallon explains. “Not to mention that, if Breezy were to find out, she’d never let it go that I proposed to her with a ring bought by blood money.”

Brendon nods. “Yeah, that’s a valid point.”

Dallon breaks out into a sheepish grin. “God, can you believe I’m getting married?” He asks, a glossy look in his eyes. “Especially to Breezy?”

Brendon scoffs. “Dude, of course I believe it.” He strums a sour note on the guitar before covering the strings with his hand, muting it. “Need I remind you of what you said when you first met her?”

“No, that’s oka-”

“God Brendon, she’s so fucking beautiful,” Brendon mimics him, making his voice much higher pitched than Dallon’s on purpose. “She’s so nice too, I can’t believe she wants to sit next to me in the karaoke bar. Oh my God Brendon, her laugh is so cute. It’s like the angels came down from heaven and are singing songs that just consist of laughter. No Ryan, don’t give me that weird look, that’s a perfectly normal observation. Oh my God-”

Dallon cuts him off with a scoff. “Oh, don’t you give me shit for falling hard,” he retorts. “Do you remember all the things you’d text me before you had even said a word to him?”

Brendon shifts on his stool, now uncomfortable. “Dal, you know I love you right?”

Dallon grins. “The love isn’t mutual,” he says. “Fuck Dallon, he’s so gorg-”

“Hey hey hey,” Brendon protests, sticking his hand out to stop him, “we’re focusing on you here.”

Dallon chuckles, beginning to play Hit The Road, Jack on the bass. “This is all so weird,” he says. “I mean, I always kind of thought we’d go through with our pact and marry each other.”

“Honestly, I knew you’d find someone,” Brendon admits. “I’m glad it’s Breezy and not one of those other girls you hopelessly pined after in high school.”

Dallon groans. “Ugh, don’t remind me of them.” He face-palms. “I was so stupid back then. Why did I think throwing rocks at a girl’s window would actually work?”

“Because it does,” Brendon says. “Back when I was in the closet, I threw pebbles at this girl’s window and she loved it. You, however, didn’t realize the window was open and somehow managed to throw a handful into her hamster’s cage. Poor little Twitchy ate them and had to go to the vet, remember?”

Dallon sighs, nodding. “Yeah, I do. Not my proudest moment, I’ll admit that.”

“At least Breezy lives in an apartment so you can’t reach her windows.” Brendon says, fighting a grin as he strums another sour note. “Or her nonexistent hamsters.”

“I fucking hate you.”

“No homo, right?”

“That doesn’t-you know what? Forget it. There will never be any goddamn homo. None. Nada. Zilch. Thanks.”

~~

Brenny: I made Dallon wanna fight me

Casanova: Sigh

Casanova: I don’t wanna ask but as your boyfriend I have to so wtf are you doing

Brenny: I mentioned the hamster incident

Casanova: Why do you do this

Casanova: To yourself and him

Casanova: Why can’t you both just be like Breezy and I

Brenny: First off, I’ve known Dal for years and I have way dirtier dirt I can spill at any moment

Brenny: Literally

Brenny: It’s very dirty

Casanova: I didn’t need to know that but okay

Brenny: Second off, we’re not boring like you two

Casanova: B o r i n g ?

Brenny: While you and Breezy are being all classy in some coffee shop or some shit, Dallon and I are being cool in a music store

Casanova: You? Cool?? In a music store???

Brenny: Why do I feel attacked

Casanova: Because you’re being attacked, you broken guitar neck wielding maniac

Brenny: Ryan that was oNE TIME

Casanova: Yeah and the jail time that ban you got us from that store with the nice guitar straps will give us if we go back will also a one time thing but go off sweaty

Brenny: Sigh

Brenny: You’re lucky I love you

Casanova: Eh

Casanova: I’m just kidding don’t wield a guitar neck at me

Brenny: That won’t be what I’m wielding tonight

Casanova: *frantically makes plans to sleep over at Z’s*

Brenny: You don’t even know what I’m gonna say

Casanova: I don’t trust you so I don’t need to know

Brenny: Now that’s not fair

Casanova: The last thing you wielded that wasn’t a guitar neck was a dog treat that I thought you were gonna feed to the dog I was looking after but then your sick ass yote me and ate it yourself

Casanova: So I’d say it’s fair

Brenny: I WANTED TO SEE WHAT THEY TASTED LIKE

Casanova: HAVE SOME RESTRAINTS, BRENDON

Casanova: GOD

Brenny: YOU SAY THAT LIKE YOU’RE SO PERFECT

Brenny: YOU LITERALLY CANNOT RESTRAIN YOURSELF EVERY TIME WE WALK PAST A PET STORE

Brenny: THEY NEVER GET ANY NEW BUNNIES SO WHY DO YOU ALWAYS LOOK

Casanova: THAT’S DIFFERENT YOU PRE-PUBESCENT KLEENEX

Casanova: THEY’RE MY BABIES AND I MUST PROTECT THEM

Brenny: YOU CRIED WHEN ONE GOT ADOPTED

Casanova: BECAUSE CHUCK CARROHNIUK DESERVES A BETTER HOME THAN WITH THAT FIVE YEAR OLD THING

Brenny: THE FACT THAT YOU NAMED IT AFTER A HORRIBLE PUN THAT MAKES LITERALLY NO SENSE WHATSOEVER SPEAKS VOLUME HOLY SHIT

Casanova: I BLAME YOU

Brenny: WHY DO WE ALWAYS TEXT IN CAPS LOCK

Casanova: IT’S FUNNIER FOR THE READERS

Brenny: Wait what

Casanova: Wait was I not supposed to say that

Casanova: The author’s shaking her head no but I’m doing it anyway

Brenny: K WELL DALLON WAS JUST IN THE BATHROOM AND I’M GONNA GO NOW

Casanova: OKAY HAVE A GREAT DAY WITH HIM

Brenny: CAN WE HAVE A BUBBLE BATH TOGETHER WHEN I GET HOME

Casanova: SURE I’LL BUY EXTRA BUBBLES

Brenny: I’LL BUY SOME ROSES ON THE WAY HOME SO I CAN SPRINKLE THEM BESIDE THE BATHTUB AND MAKE IT SEEM LIKE WE’RE IN A HOLLYWOOD MOVIE ON OUR HONEYMOON

Casanova: THAT SOUNDS AMAZING I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

Brenny: FUCK I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MORE BABY BOY

Casanova: BYE BRENNY

Brenny: STAY GUCCI, CASANOVA


	22. Armstrong and Ross

“Brendon!” Ryan excitedly whispers into Brendon’s ear, waking him up.

Brendon groans, turning onto his side and facing away from Ryan. “Leave me alone,” he tiredly mumbles.

He hears Ryan huff, getting out of bed and walking around to the other side of the bed. Brendon cracks an eye open, narrowing them at the brunet as he pushes him onto his back and straddles his hips. “Brendon, get up!” He exclaims, grabbing Brendon’s shoulders and vigorously shaking him. “Today we get to be in the same breathing space as Billie Joe Armstrong! Get. Up!”

Brendon groans again, making Ryan stop. “Ryan, it’s so early in the day. The opening band doesn’t start until eight in the evening.”

“Yeah, but we have to get up!” Ryan states, gripping Brendon’s shoulders. “We have to get dressed, get in the car, and be at the venue now in case there’s traffic!”

Brendon sighs. “Baby, if there’s traffic we can just pull an R.E.M and just walk down the street singing about everybody hurting.”

Ryan narrows his eyes at him. “This is no time for sarcasm, Brendon. It’s time to listen to me whine,” he begins to grin, causing Brendon to groan as he sings, “about nothing and everything all at once!”

“Okay okay, I get it,” Brendon sighs. “God, for such a tiny person you really are a huge pain in the ass.”

Ryan cheekily grins. “I do it for your own good.” He leans down, quickly pecking Brendon on the lips before he rolls off of him and stands up. “Now get dressed. I’ll meet you in the car in the next scene.”

~~

“Are we there yet?” Ryan asks, his eyes glued to the passenger seat window as his left leg repeatedly bounces up and down.

“Dude, we just pulled out of the parking lot,” Brendon says. “We have another half hour until we’re at the venue.”

Ryan slumps in his seat, crossing his arms. “God, it’s taking so long!” He loudly groans. “Maybe we’d be going faster if you hadn’t insisted on taking a literal hour in the bathroom.”

“Well, sorry I had explosive diarrhea from the food you made last night,” Brendon snarkily replies. “Would you rather me be blowing chunks all over your American Idiot shirt?”

Ryan gasps, grasping the black material of his shirt and holding it close. “Don’t you dare,” he hisses.

Brendon chuckles, briefly glancing at Ryan before turning back to the road. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Ryan drops his hand, letting out another annoyed groan. “God, I haven’t been this antsy since I was on hold with a radio station to win Beck tickets when I was sixteen.”

“Radio stations still do that?” Brendon asks.

Ryan shrugs. “Apparently the one I listened to did.”

“Wow, we really are living in the future,” Brendon replies, freezing as soon as he finishes speaking. “Wait, no.”

~~

“Green Day merch is fucking expensive.” Brendon comments, his hand on the small of Ryan’s back as they weave through the crowd surrounding the merch table at the venue. “I don’t think we can even afford two hot dogs now.”

Ryan grins down at the black God’s Favorite Band t-shirt in his hands, allowing Brendon to steer him through all the people. “It’s worth it. It’s so pretty.”

Brendon leads him into the bathroom, stopping when they get to the sinks. “Alright,” he lets out a breath of air he didn’t know he was holding in, glad to be away from all the people, “put on the shirt.”

Ryan nods. “Okay.” He says, beginning to lift his shirt.

“Wait wait wait!” Brendon holds his hands out, stopping Ryan. “Put the God one over your American Idiot one.”

Ryan raises an eyebrow. “Wait, why? Won’t I get overheated?”

Brendon shrugs. “Maybe,” he says, “but then you’ll have double the emo power and it’ll make you more pumped.”

Ryan groans. “Brendon, for the last time, Green Day isn’t emo. We’ve been through this and I feel like I shouldn’t have to tell you that over and over again, it’s common sense-”

“Yeah yeah,” Brendon cuts him off, rolling his eyes, “but still. It’ll give you double the punk power, or whatever their genre is. I don’t pay attention anymore.”

“Your ignorance saddens me.” Ryan states, pulling his new shirt over his head. He grins at Brendon, cocking his hip to the side and posing with his hands on his hips. “So, how do I look?”

Brendon chuckles at his happiness, crossing his arms as he leans against the bathroom counter. “High school you would be so proud.”

Ryan lets out a quick squeal. “Sweet, that’s just what I was going for.” His grin gets bigger, forgetting they’re in public for a moment when he opens his arms and gives Brendon a quick hug. “Okay, are you ready?” He asks, pulling away and taking his hand.

Brendon nods, a small smile tugging at his lips as they walk out of the bathroom, past two teenage girls who give them a concerned look. “Aye aye captain.”

~~

Ryan’s been to concerts before; he saw Beck back in high school, and he’s been to a few local shows that Elizabeth’s done with her own band. He walked into the Green Day show thinking he knew what to expect, but he got much more.

He never thought he’d be the kind of person to scream when the band comes on stage, but he found himself literally screeching and jumping the second he saw Billie for the first time. He could feel the drums vibrating in his throat, adding onto the slightly uncomfortable feeling your throat gets when you’re screaming lyrics at the top of your lungs. He knows he’s going to have an extremely sore throat the next day, but he can’t bring himself to care. Especially when Bang Bang, one of his personal favorites, is played. He doesn’t think his vocal chords will ever recover, but that’s okay. To him, all of this is worth it.

He also never thought he’d be the kind to record a concert with his phone, but he made sure to record anything off of American Idiot so he could watch it later and cry in private.

But above anything, he never thought he’d be in tears at the end of a show. He’s cried listening to Green Day, of course, but he never thought he’d be standing there after the show ends, not moving when the lights turn back on, tears subconsciously streaming down his face as Brendon gently shakes his arm.

“Ryan?” He asks, beginning to get concerned. “Baby, are you okay?”

Ryan slowly turns his head to face him, wordlessly taking his hand and leading him out of the venue. He somehow manages to dodge all the hoards of teenagers, some crying and some others gushing about how good Billie and Mike were, some completely forgetting that Tré Cool exists and is one of Ryan’s favorite people to ever exist.

Once they’re outside, they walk away from the cabs waiting to pick people up, Ryan turning to Brendon once they’re a safe distance away from the crowd.

“Ry, you’re starting to scare me.” Brendon says, gently cupping Ryan’s cheek and wiping away a stray tear. “Did something happen in there? What-”

Ryan lets out a soft sob, surging forward and pulling Brendon into a tight hug. The latter lets out a surprised noise, instantly hugging the brunet back. Ryan buries his face into Brendon’s neck, nuzzling his nose into the skin before tilting his head up and whispering a small “thank you” in Brendon’s ear.

Brendon lets out a small confused chuckle, rubbing Ryan’s back. “Anytime,” he says, “but you’re still scaring me.”

Ryan sniffles, pulling away and wiping his cheeks with the heel of his hand. “Sorry, it’s just-I’m just…” He trails off, chuckling a bit at his state. “Sorry, I’m a mess.”

“Did something happen?” Brendon asks, watching Ryan nod. “Okay, what is it? Is there someone I have to fight?”

Ryan shakes his head. “No, it’s nothing like that.”

“Then what is it?”

Ryan sighs, a small smile tugging at his lips. “I’m just so happy,” he breathes. “I never thought I’d get to see them live, but look at me. Wait, actually don’t look at me. I’m still a mess.”

Brendon chuckles. “You’re so cute.” He says, pulling Ryan into another hug.

Ryan smiles, nuzzling his nose into Brendon’s neck again as they just stand there, people passing by them without a second glance. Ryan gives Brendon’s skin a chaste kiss, whispering another “thank you” as Brendon goes back to gently rubbing his back.

“You don’t have to thank me, bean,” Brendon whispers back. “You existing is enough thanks for a lifetime. No homo though.”

Ryan chuckles, nodding a bit. “Agreed. No homo at all.”


	23. Money and Hypocrisy

Febreezy: Sarah we never got any updates on your car incident

Jenna: I felt bad so I paid half of the repairs for both us and the person we hit

Ortho: My dad is a blessing because he gave me half of my half so now everything is great

Brendick: How does your dad give you that kind of money under these circumstances

Brendick: My parents would say no and then pull up a PowerPoint presentation showing me why I’m their least favorite child because of this one incident

Dal Pal: You’re their least favorite child anyway Brendon

Ortho: Ever since my dad divorced my mom he’s felt bad he’s not there for me as often as he wants to be so whenever I need money he has some

Dal Pal: How rich is your dad

Ortho: You’d be surprised

Febreezy: It’s great though because for her sixteenth birthday we went to Oahu for a week

Brendick: Wait Sarah you told me that Oahu trip was just you and your dad

Ortho: …

Brendick: Not to be overdramatic or anything but wHY WASN’T I INVITED YOU ASS

Ortho: BREEZY WAS COMING AND I DIDN’T WANT YOU HITTING ON MY BEST FRIEND

Jenna: Um

Ortho: We didn’t even know each other back then Jenna calm down

Jenna: Good point

Brendick: SARAH WHY WOULD YOU THINK I WAS GONNA HIT ON BREEZY

Ortho: BECAUSE YOU FLIRTED WITH LOTS OF PEOPLE BACK THEN

Brendick: EVEN IF I DID FLIRT WITH HER I WAS EXTREMELY GAY AND I WOULDN’T HAVE ACTED ON IT

Ortho: WELL HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT

Brendick: I CAME OUT OF MY MOM’S WOMB SHITTING RAINBOWS AND DILDOS DON’T GIVE ME THAT SHIT

Ry Guy: What is up with you people and all caps

Ry Guy: I feel like I’m in my family’s house on Thanksgiving after my uncle came out as a democrat

Dal Pal: I can literally picture that and it’s like a renaissance painting gone wrong

Brendick: I pictured The Last Supper and the title seems more accurate in this scenario

Ry Guy: You people are ridiculous

Brendick: That’s not what you said three days ago ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Ortho: UM

Ortho: NO

Ortho: *insert IT’S TIME TO STOP meme*

Brendick: THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEAN

Brendick: We went to see Green Day three days ago

Febreezy: Oh yeah how was it

Ry Guy: OH

Ry Guy: MY

Ry Guy: GOD

Dal Pal: I smell some hypocrisy in the air

Dal Pal: And chicken wings wtf

Febreezy: Oh yeah I’m making chicken wings for dinner

Dal Pal: What happened to being all healthy

Febreezy: Shh it’s okay

Febreezy: I’m allowed to have a cheat day it’s okay

Dal Pal: Well either way I’m not complaining

Brendick: Get the blue cheese ranch with it

Ry Guy: HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHIT IT WAS THE BEST THING EVER CAN I JUST SAY BILLIE IS INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL IN PERSON AND I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA CRY EVERY TIME HE SMILED LIKE HOLY SHIT HE’S THE SECOND PRETTIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD WITH THE FIRST BEING BRENDON BUT THAT’S BESIDES THE POINT AND OH MY GOD THEY SAY BANDS SUCK LIVE BUT I WAS MCNUTTING THE ENTIRE TIME AND I’M NOT BIASED AT ALL AND HOLY SHIT I’M GONNA CRY THINKING ABOUT IT DON’T TOUCH ME I’M FRAGILE

Jenna: Me but when I first went to Dunkin’ Donuts

Ortho: ^ why is that so true

Jenna: I’ll never forget that first time

Jenna: T’was magical

Ry Guy: GUYS YOU’RE MISSING THE POINT

Ry Guy: I WAS IN THE SAME ROOM AS BILLIE JOE FUCKING ARMSTRONG

Dal Pal: Wait his middle name isn’t Fucking

Dal Pal: Oh

Brendick: Dallon stop ruining the moment

Dal Pal: Stop ruining your face

Brendick: What

Dal Pal: Who looks stupid now bitch

Brendick: You do wtf

Jenna: Don’t fight on my good Christian Roblox server

Brendick: *le sigh*

Dal Pal: Fine


	24. Last Days and Memories

*flashback*

“Hey, is that Invisible Monsters?”

Ryan looks up from his book, his eyes widening as his gaze fixes on the boy that’s shyly smiling at him. “Y-yeah,” the brunet shyly stutters, nervously licking his lips. “Have you read it?”

Brendon nods, his smile slowly getting bigger as he adjusts his backpack on his shoulder. “Yeah, I loved it. I really liked the ending.”

Ryan fights a smile, eventually caving and letting a small one tug at the corners of his mouth. “Yeah? I really love the way Chuck Palahniuk writes, especially in Monsters. Everything was so complex and I was hooked straight away.”

He keeps talking, Brendon biting his lip and nodding encouragingly as he rambles on and on about the story. He keeps on going and going until their professor gives them a dirty look as he passes by them, making them realize they’ve overstayed their welcome. The boys pack up their things and leave the lecture hall, Ryan continuing to ramble until they got to the library.

“Well, this is my stop.” Brendon regretfully interrupts, pointing his thumb at the large building beside them. “I’ll see you later.”

Ryan fights a smile, waving goodbye as Brendon copies him.

*end of flashback*

Ryan remembers feeling like an idiot that day. He reflected on how fast and how much he talked for the rest of that day, scolding himself for getting that excited and possibly scaring off the funniest boy he’d ever seen. He was surprised, however, to find Brendon approaching him again the next day and talking more in depth about the story. At that point, he thought the way he felt that day was the definition of cloud nine.

Oh, if only that version of him could see him now.

“Completely and totally, permanently without hope,” Ryan reads, one hand turning the pages on the book resting on his thighs and the other playing with Brendon’s hair, “forever and ever I love Brandy Alexander. And that’s enough.” He closes the book, tossing it aside on the bed and smiling down at Brendon. “The end.”

Brendon grins, clapping as he sits up, his head no longer on Ryan’s lap. “Woohoo!” He cheers. “Again!”

“Oh God no.” Ryan shakes his head. “That took us five months to finish. We don’t have that much time.”

“It only took that long because we had work that left us mentally drained,” Brendon replies. “We don’t anymore, so we can binge read it again. Besides, I like hearing your voice. It’s very relaxing.”

Ryan scrunches his nose. “But it’s so unnecessarily deep. I sounded like a middle aged uncle when I was eighteen.”

Brendon lightly scoffs, rolling his eyes as he crosses his legs. “Well,” he reaches out and gently tucks some of Ryan’s hair behind his ear, “you’re my middle aged uncle.”

“Ugh, gross! That’s not even cute, that’s just creepy.”

Brendon chuckles, cupping Ryan’s cheek and giving him a quick kiss. “Oh, you love it.”

“You can’t say that every time you say something like that,” Ryan says.

“Oh yeah?” Brendon asks. “Watch me.”

Ryan rolls his eyes, leaning in for another kiss the same time as Brendon does. Their lips come together, Ryan cupping Brendon’s face as he lays back on the bed and allows Brendon to straddle his hips. They pull away after a few more moments, Brendon smiling down at him as his thumbs go under Ryan’s shirt and trace random patterns on the skin of his hip.

Ryan runs his index finger over Brendon’s lips, wanting to mention the fact that today is the last full day they’ll be spending together for who knows how long, but not being able to. He opens his mouth, the words on the tip of his tongue, but he finds himself saying, “do you remember our first kiss?”

“Well, of course I do,” Brendon replies. “I was on such a roll that day.”

*flashback*

“Hey Ryan,” Brendon smirks, nudging Ryan’s shoulder with his own, “wanna hear about the dream I had last night?”

Ryan shifts in his seat, glancing at the non-alcoholic beer bottle in Brendon’s hand to reassure himself before looking back up at him. “Sure,” he says, gulping and looking away for a moment to recollect himself when the lighting in the small college bar (created a few years back in an attempt to stop underage drinking by serving non-alcoholic beers and shit) shifts and makes Brendon look ten times better than he usually does.

“Okay so,” Brendon starts, turning in his bar stool to face Ryan, “I was swimming in this huge ass ocean of orange soda, right?” He waits for Ryan’s slow nod before continuing. “But then I woke up and realized it was only a Fanta sea.”

Ryan fights a smile, instead opting to give Brendon a death glare.

“Sorry about that.” Brendon grimaces, gently patting Ryan’s shoulder before he flinches away. “But anyways, now that we’re talking about puns, I have to ask: do you like skeleton puns?”

“What?” Ryan squints in confusion, shaking his head. “No.”

Brendon gasps, feigning offence at this revelation. “You don’t?” He asks, his offended expression melting into the beginning of a sly smirk. “Well, I guess I’ll have to put some backbone into you.”

“In a way I kind of did,” Brendon smirks, “just not at that exact time.”

Ryan rolls his eyes. “Just get back to the flashback.”

Ryan sighs, the only bone he had in the room now long gone as Brendon lightly chuckles to himself. “Hey,” he says, now starting to get on Ryan’s nerves, “wanna hear a fun fact?”

“Not really, but I think you’re gonna tell me anyway.”

“Right you are, Ryro.” Brendon enthusiastically nods. “Did you know that astronomers got tired of watching the moon for twenty four hours, so they called it a day?”

Ryan groans, resting his head on the counter. “Jesus fucking Christ.”

Brendon, now feeling triumphant, nudges Ryan’s shoulder with his elbow. “I have a question.”

“No,” Ryan snaps, not looking up.

“Do you like Pepe memes?”

Ryan lifts his head, looking cautiously confused. “Uh, I guess. Why?”

Brendon nods. “Me too,” he starts, “because without them, life is memeingless.”

Ryan slaps the table in frustration, letting out an annoyed sound. “I swear on my fucking life.” He emptily threatens, resting his head on the counter again.

Brendon leans towards his ear, another pun at the top of his lungs. “Hey, Ry-”

“Oh shut up, Brendon.” Ryan snaps, lifting his head and giving him a pissed off look.

Brendon smirks, his hands on his hips as the lighting shifts again, making Ryan’s missing bone seem not so missing after all. “Make me.”

*pause in flashback*

“And then I kissed you,” Brendon says, “and you fell in love right there and begged me to be your boyfriend.”

Ryan gives him a look. “Uh, no. I kissed you, remember?”

*flashback resumes*

Ryan isn’t quite sure what came over him in that moment. Maybe it was the lighting, or maybe Brendon’s comment was too good to resist, or maybe he finally had the confidence to do what he’d wanted to do for a while now, or maybe it was whatever deity that controls him that got him to do what he did. But whatever it was, it doesn’t change the fact that he stood up from his stool, grabbed Brendon by the shoulders, and didn’t think twice before leaning in and giving him the crappiest kiss he’s ever given someone. He remembers awkwardly puckering his lips against Brendon’s unresponsive ones, a little rusty with the whole kissing ordeal as panic began to settle in his stomach. He remembers internally scolding himself as he realizes Brendon isn’t kissing back, beginning to pull away as he comes to the conclusion that his crush, the only person who’s been able to make him feel something other than Elizabeth since his father died, doesn’t and will never think of him like that.

But the second their lips stop touching, Brendon comes to life and quickly cups Ryan’s cheeks, pulling him back. Ryan makes a tiny noise of surprise, his eyes widening as he notices Brendon’s are shut and their lips are slowly moving together. He lightly grips Brendon’s shoulders, closing his eyes and practically melting in the fact that hey, maybe his crush does like him back.

They pull away after a while, Ryan’s eyes fluttering open and slightly widening again as he watches Brendon begin to grin. “Ryan,” he chuckles, his hand leaving Ryan’s face and coming up to disbelievingly touch his own lips, “you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

Ryan nearly chokes on air, coughing into his elbow before gaping at Brendon. “Wait, seriously?” He asks, his heart rate beating faster than he thinks is healthy.

Brendon nods, his cheeks beginning to heat up as what just happened begins to set in. “Yeah, of course,” he says. “And it was worth the wait.”

Ryan feels like he’s on cloud nine, fighting a smile before giving up and grinning. “Really?”

Brendon nods again. “Yeah.” He breathes, taking a step forward and slowly reaching his hand out to run his thumb across Ryan’s cheek. “It was quite a wow moment, if you ask me. But uh,” he awkwardly chuckles, “I think it was such a wow moment that it deserves an encore. Don’t you think?”

Ryan barely even registers what Brendon says before he nods, feeling like he’s about to faint. “Yeah,” he breathes. “Yeah, I agree.”

*end of flashback*

“You were so cute.” Brendon grins, nuzzling the tip of his nose against Ryan’s. “You’d think you were a five-year-old at Disneyland, you looked so happy.”

“Well, if your crush who you thought would never like you back suddenly wanted to kiss you, you’d have the exact same reaction,” Ryan says.

“Bean, that’s exactly what happened to me too,” Brendon says. “You’re not special.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Brendon smirks, tilting his head to the side. “Make me.”

Ryan grins, cupping Brendon’s face and kissing him again. “You’re such a dork,” he mutters against Brendon’s lips.

Brendon kisses him hard, pressing him against the mattress before pulling away to speak. “Hey, that line works no matter what with you.”

Ryan rolls his eyes as Brendon kisses him again, the latter sighing into the kiss as the former’s arms snake around his neck. Their lips move together for a while, Ryan losing touch with reality until he feels Brendon’s lips move to his jawline, ending up at his neck and peppering soft kisses on the skin.

“Bren,” Ryan breathes, his breath hitching when Brendon sucks on his sweet spot for a second. “Not now. Our friends are coming over, remember?”

“Not for another forty-five minutes.” Brendon says in between kisses, working his way back to Ryan’s lips before pulling away to look at him.

“Still,” Ryan says. “The second they leave I’m all yours, okay?”

Brendon nods, a smile tugging at his lips. “Yeah, okay.” He agrees, leaning down and briefly kissing Ryan again before sitting back up and looking down at him. “Can I just…?”

Ryan raises an eyebrow. “Can you just what?”

Brendon sighs. “I just...I’m gonna miss you so bad.” He whines, his hands slipping under Ryan’s shirt again. He slowly slides his hands up Ryan’s chest, sliding back down once he reaches the space under his collarbones. “All I wanna do is touch you, but not in that way. In the whole, I love you and I wanna memorize every detail about you so when I’m alone I can think about you and remember how you feel and what movements you make, kind of way. Is that weird?”

“Yeah, but I get it.” Ryan says, no hint of lying in his voice at all. Because even though he’ll never admit it to anyone, Brendon has the most soothing and gentle touch he’s ever felt in his life. “After all,” he continues, “it’s not like you haven’t done stuff like that before.”

You may recall me mentioning that Ryan was never used to being touched. The only people that ever touched him were his father and Elizabeth, though the former never gave him reassuring touches that children often crave from their parents. There was the occasional shove if he thought Ryan was being annoying, with the usual groan to leave him alone if he was in the middle of something important, and there was a hard pat on his shoulder if he did something right that, no matter how many times, he felt it, Ryan would jump and shake every single time it happened. He’d always be afraid it would lead into something more aggressive, so he made sure to avoid any sort of touching coming from anyone he knows.

Elizabeth was different back then; she knew Ryan had a thing with being touched, but she’d rest her head on his shoulder if she was tired and she’d hold his hand if he was nervous. He appreciated those small gestures of affection, but only in moderation. As much as he knew she would never hurt him, he still wasn’t entirely okay with the tingling feeling he’d get from even the smallest skin-on-skin contact. It’s part of the reason his first/only girlfriend broke up with him.

After he began dating Brendon, he noticed the ebony-haired boy was different. The boy was, and still is, all about touching. He’d sit on a couch with his arm pressed against Ryan’s, he’d brush their hands together if they were walking, and if he wanted to show Ryan something he’d rest his hand on the small of his back as he’d point to whatever it was he wanted to show. At first Ryan was uncomfortable with all the affection, but soon he came around to it and even found himself initiating their cuddles and public displays of affection.

He doesn’t think he’ll ever forget how elated Brendon looked the day Ryan came up to him on his couch and rested his head on his chest, shyly wrapping his arms around Brendon’s torso as he watched TV. He looked like what can only be described as `an emo when they find out they got tickets to see their favorite band in concert.’

Brendon smiles down at him, reaching up and gently stroking Ryan’s cheek. “You’re so cute when you’re right,” he coos. “It’s a shame that rarely happens.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

~~

Breezy groans at the sight of her fiancé. “Dallon,” she groans, “unhand the gay.”

Dallon whimpers, tightening the grip his arms and legs have around Brendon’s leg. “No, that’s illegal,” he says.

“Jesus fuck, Dallon.” Brendon grimaces, trying to walk but being held down by his best friend. “How many chicken wings have you eaten lately?”

“Not enough,” Dallon answers, making Breezy sigh.

“Wait, hold on.” Ryan hangs his torso off his couch, his head touching the floor as his arms dangle in his face. “Isn’t it technically illegal to get arrested?”

Everyone stops talking, Brendon turning to his boyfriend with a confused expression. “Cas,” he starts slowly, “how high are you?”

“How high isn’t he?” Dallon asks. “Like, that’s the real question here.”

“Do you think God was high when he created Earth?” Ryan asks. “Or was Jesus high at The Last Supper?”

“He was definitely high during The Last Supper,” Dallon says. “What sober person picks up wine and bread and says they represent their blood and body?”

“I have a conspiracy theory that Jesus was a gay stoner.” Brendon says, trying to shake Dallon off of him. “It’s barely even a conspiracy theory though. There’s actual online proof that my main homeslice J.C was a flaming homosexual.”

“How high are all of you?” Breezy asks. “Am I allowed to take videos for Snapchat?”

“Yeah, take videos so the tyrant traitor Urie can look back at them and remember what he’s missing.” Dallon replies, angrily glaring up at Brendon as he holds onto his leg for dear life. “You can’t get rid of me, you asswipe. I’ll always be around, and I’ll always be bothering you.”

“Like eczema,” Ryan chimes in, “but with more pain.”


	25. Flashbacks and Tears

Brendon exhales through his nose, staring up at the white ceiling as his hand very slowly glides up and down Ryan’s back. He briefly glances down at his boyfriend who’s fast asleep, his head resting on Brendon’s bare chest with his arms wrapped loosely around Brendon’s torso, before glancing off to the side and looking at the aurora projector in the corner. He smiles faintly to himself, remembering the night before after his high as a kite best friend and his fiancée finally left his house.

*flashback*

Brendon doesn’t think he’ll ever get over the feeling of his skin against Ryan’s, and he doesn’t think he wants to. Especially in that moment, when he had his boy on their bed with his chocolate eyes shut and his lower stomach beginning to heat up in anticipation.

Brendon, who had been on top of him moments before, was now crawling backwards off the bed and walking towards their closet. “Before we do anything,” he starts, opening the closet doors, “there’s something I’d like to show you.”

Ryan’s eyes flicker open as he props himself up on his elbows, not sure what to expect but not really caring if it’s anything wilder than he’s used to. “Oh yeah?” He asks, attempting to sound seductive.

Brendon pulls out a cardboard box, lifting it up with a small groan and putting it on the floor in front of the bed. “It’s not the northern lights,” he admits, opening it and feeling Ryan’s excited eyes practically burn into him, “but it’s pretty damn close.”

Ryan sits up straighter. “Bren, what are you-” He cuts himself off with a small gasp when he sees the small projector Brendon pulls out.

The ebony-haired boy smiles, walking over to the outlet and plugging it in. Ryan looks up at the ceiling in awe, a small grin settling on his face as the lovely blue light shines above him. “Brendon, it’s…” Ryan trails off, getting lost in the sight above him as he lays back down onto his back. “When did you…?”

“I didn’t,” Brendon admits. “Jenna did. It used to be her parents’ but then they didn’t want it anymore and gave it to her. She didn’t want it either so I talked her into giving it to me for free. Do you like it?”

Ryan nods. “Yeah,” he breathes as Brendon crawls back on top of him. “Yeah, I love it.” His hands go to Brendon’s shoulders as the taller boy leans down to give him a loving kiss.

“Good,” Brendon grins when they pull away. “The most beautiful boy deserves the most beautiful lights.”

*end of flashback*

Brendon smiles to himself in the dark, recollecting all his memories of how flustered Ryan gets whenever he’s complimented. At first he thought it was kind of weird that his cheeks would get red if someone would say something small, but over time he thought it was cute. It makes calling him beautiful that much better.

*flashback*

“Alright, I’m done.” Brendon says, turning the kitchen sink off and flicking water off his fingers at his boyfriend. “Let’s go.” He grabs his coat, turning back to Ryan who can’t stop staring at himself in the public bathroom mirror. “Babe, come on.” Brendon takes his hand, gently tugging on it but not making any progress. “Elizabeth will get worried if I don’t take you home now.”

Ryan sighs at his reflection, turning back to Brendon with a deflated expression that his boyfriend knows all too well. “Okay,” the brunet mumbles, casting his eyes down to the floor.

Brendon, thinking on his feet, wraps his arm around his shoulders as they walk out of the Taco Bell washroom. “What’s the matter, Ry Bread?” He asks. “Did you get ground beef in your hair? Because if so, boy do I relate.”

Ryan very lightly chuckles, shivering at the cold as they leave the restaurant. “No, it’s not that.” He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Lies,” Brendon declares. “As my role as your boyfriend, your homeslice, the Clyde to your Bonnie, the peanut to your butter, and the Tom to your Jerry.”

Ryan rolls his eyes. “Tom and Jerry were enemies, Brendon.”

“Who says we aren’t too?” Brendon asks. “Who says we aren’t arch enemies that put our feelings aside because we get raging boners every time we’re in close proximity to each other?”

“You’re ridiculous,” Ryan comments.

Brendon grins. “You know I’m right, you gorgeous fuck.”

Ryan clenches his jaw at the compliment. “N-no,” he says. “You’re not. I mean, I’m not. I mean-”

Brendon picks up on what’s going on, causing him to grin as he leans in and gently pecks Ryan’s cheek. “Aw,” he coos, “you’re so pretty when you deny the truth.”

“Pretty?” Ryan raises an eyebrow, now a bit confused.

“Well, yeah.” Brendon nods. “What, have you never been called pretty before?”

Ryan shakes his head. “I’m a dude. Dudes don’t get called pretty.”

“Of course they do,” Brendon says. “I call Dallon pretty all the time, and he returns the favor. Guys can be pretty in their own pretty ways boyo, don’t be prettyist.”

*end of flashback*

Brendon’s thoughts are interrupted by the alarm on his phone going off, causing the enigma of a boy on his chest to stir and tighten his grip around Brendon’s torso. “No,” Ryan mumbles against Brendon’s skin.

Brendon lets out a mix of a groan and a sigh, reaching over to the bedside table and turning his alarm off. “Unfortunately,” he says as Ryan slowly lifts his head, looking at him with sad eyes, “I’m gonna have to cancel out your no with one of my own.”

Ryan whimpers, burying his face into Brendon’s neck and inhaling his calming scent one last time. “Don’t go,” he mumbles, surprised at how weak and desperate he sounds, but not willing to do anything about it. “Please don’t.”

Brendon holds back a pained sigh, holding his boy close as his fingers gently play with the brunet’s hair. “It’s a little too late for that, baby,” he breathes.

Ryan sighs as Brendon presses a kiss to his temple. “I know,” the former says. “Ignore me. I’m being selfish.” He sits up, straddling Brendon’s hips as he traces random patterns into his lower stomach with his index finger. “What time do you have to be at the airport?”

Brendon licks his lips before answering. “Around one thirty.”

Ryan nods once in acknowledgement, his face devoid of emotion as he looks into Brendon’s eyes. “That’s in three hours.”

Brendon nods. “Yeah.”

Ryan sighs, climbing off of him and sitting at the edge of the bed. He hears the sheets shift behind him, feeling Brendon’s chin resting on his shoulder a moment later. “How about,” Ryan starts, feeling Brendon lift his head up as they turn to look at each other, “we take a long shower together, eat breakfast, and then meet up with Dallon, Breezy, Sarah, and Jenna before we leave?”

Brendon nods, beginning to smile the same smile that had Ryan falling for him a year ago. “Sounds like a plan.”

~~

“Promise me you’ll be okay.” Sarah commands, gripping Brendon by his shoulders as Jenna awkwardly stands next to them, munching on a cream-filled donut. “Promise me you’ll text me as soon as you land. Make sure to take lots of pictures and send them to me. Remember to call your mom too. And your dad. Just let us know you’re alive and not dead in an alley.”

“Sarah, calm down,” Brendon tells her. “When I land, you’ll be the second person I’ll tell.”

“Who’s the first?” Sarah asks, sounding a bit offended.

“My boyfriend,” Brendon answers. “Now calm yourself, okay?”

She takes a deep breath, nodding. “Yeah, okay. It’s just...I’ve known you forever, B,” she says, her eyes beginning to water. “You’ve always been around, and now you’re going off to another state to live your life, and I’m so proud but I’m gonna miss you-”

“Oh, stop.” Brendon interrupts her, pulling her into a tight hug. “You’re gonna make me cry.” He says, fighting back the feeling of his eyes beginning to water.

Sarah sniffles, resting her forehead on his shoulder. “I love you, Brendon.”

“I love you too, Ortho.” Brendon pulls away, cracking a smile as she wipes her tears. “No hetero, though.”

She laughs a bit. “No hetero at all, Urie.”

Jenna quickly glances over her shoulder, swallowing her last bite of her donut before turning towards her girlfriend and tapping her on the shoulder. “Sarah, you might wanna speed things up,” she says. “Dallon’s still in the car and he looks like he’s about to tackle Brendon in a hug, whether you’re done or not.”

Sarah puts her hand on Brendon’s shoulder, leaning in and giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek. “Bye, Bren.” She smiles before being led back to her repaired car by Jenna.

When she’s gone, Dallon yells “oh, thank fuck!” before getting out of Breezy’s car and literally bolting at Brendon. He tackles him in a hug, Brendon nearly losing his balance as he hugs him back. “Be safe, okay?” Dallon asks. “Don’t get pregnant. I’m not ready to be a grandma.”

Brendon chuckles. “Alright, I’ll keep that in mind. I love you, man.”

Dallon pulls away, smiling at him. “I love you too. Don’t find another best friend on Broadway, you got that?” He asks, poking Brendon’s chest with his finger. “That job has already been taken, and I refuse to be fired after all the work I’ve done.”

“Even if I do, you’ll never know,” Brendon teases.

“Oh, but I will,” Dallon counters. “You don’t know how, but I will. I know people.”

“Wait,” Brendon blinks, “you talk to people other than your girlfriend and your best friend?”

Dallon rolls his eyes, playfully hitting Brendon’s arm. “Oh, shut up,” he smirks. “I’m gonna miss you.”

Brendon smiles, glancing over Dallon’s shoulder and seeing Ryan get out of the car. His heart practically falls into his stomach when he sees the broken expression on his love’s face, his arms wrapped around himself as Breezy gets out with him. She approaches Brendon first, giving him a small hug and wishing him a safe flight. After that’s all done, Breezy leads Dallon back to the car and leaves only Ryan to say goodbye.

“So, uh,” Ryan starts, trying to keep his voice steady as he glances at all the luggage behind Brendon, “I guess this is it.”

Brendon clenches his jaw, feeling his eyes begin to water again as he opens his arms. “Come here.”

Ryan suddenly lets out a loud sob, bolting faster than Dallon did into Brendon’s arms. He sniffles as he inhales Brendon’s scent again, trying to memorise every detail of him in this last moment. “Brendon,” he trembles, earning a hum back from his boyfriend, “why does it feel like we’re breaking up?”

Brendon holds him tighter, not knowing what to say. “I don’t know, baby,” he mumbles. “I don’t know.”

Ryan nods. “Yeah, I know,” he mumbles. “I love you,” he says into Brendon’s skin, feeling as if he’s about to die and he needs to say anything and everything before his time comes. “God, I love you. I love you so much.”

Brendon clenches his jaw, holding back tears as he feels Ryan’s begin to seep into his shirt. “I love you, Ryan.” He says, holding the boy even tighter than before. “Don’t you ever forget it, okay? I love you. It’s always been you, and it always will be.”

“I’m gonna miss you,” Ryan sobs, his chest beginning to heave as his words begin to become inaudible. “I’m gonna miss everything.”

“Promise me you’ll be okay.” Brendon presses a quick kiss to his temple, beginning to gently sway them side to side as if they’re dancing.. “Promise me you’ll let me know if something is wrong, no matter what I’m doing or what time of day it is. And even though I’ll be far away, we’ll both be looking at the same moon, remember?” He feels Ryan nod into his neck. “Everything will be okay. Remember, if we’re really meant to be, this will only be temporary.”

Ryan nods again, trying to pull himself together. “Yeah.”

“Hey, look at me.” Brendon tilts Ryan’s head up, wiping away his tears with his thumb. “Please don’t cry.”

“I can’t help it,” Ryan says, his arms still tightly wrapped around Brendon. “I haven’t been this sad since we watched Marley & Me.”

Brendon lets out a breathy chuckle, gently rubbing Ryan’s back. “Yeah, me neither.”

Ryan lets out a sigh, resting his hands on Brendon’s shoulders as he closes his eyes. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

He opens his eyes again, a small smile tugging at his lips. He licks his lips as he traces Brendon’s cheekbones with the tips of his calloused fingers, looking into his inquiring eyes. “Thank you for loving me, Urie.”

Brendon nods, smiling as his phone begins to vibrate in his back pocket. They both freeze, Ryan standing back as Brendon pulls his phone out and sees the reminder he set last night. “I’ve gotta get going,” he says.

Ryan chokes back a whimper, his hands hanging loosely at his sides as he feels the overwhelming urge to cry again. “So, this is really it-”

He’s cut off by Brendon surging forward and cupping his face, bringing him in for a passionate kiss. Ryan grips onto his shoulders as Brendon snakes his hands down to the small of Ryan’s back, pulling him close so their chests are pressed together.

This can’t be it, they’re both thinking. This can’t be. We’ve been through too much together to let something like distance come between us.

Oh, but have they?

As they pull away for the last time, they look into each other’s eyes and remember everything. The first time they made eye contact. The first time they spoke to each other. The first time their hands accidentally brushed together. The first time they kissed. The first time they said `I love you.’ The first time they made love. Their first everything.

It can’t end like this, can it?

Both on the verge of tears, Brendon presses one last kiss to Ryan’s lips before forcing a smile. Wanting to see one on Ryan’s lips one last time, he whispers, “stay Gucci, Casanova.”

And with that, he picks up his luggage and leaves.


	26. Epilogue: Weddings and Reunions (PART 1)

“Is that who I think it is?”

Twenty-five year old Brendon Urie smirks, twirling around in a circle before placing his hands on his hips. “You bet your ass it is, Febreezy,” he answers.

Breezy grins, hearing Sarah squeal behind her as the latter pushes the former towards their old friend. Brendon chuckles as Sarah tackles him in a hug, nearly falling over as he hugs her back. “Jesus B,” she breathes, “I haven’t seen you in forever!”

“We saw each other on Christmas,” he responds.

“Yeah, but that was three months ago,” she replies, holding him tighter. He lets out an uncomfortable squeak. “A lot happens in three months.”

Breezy clears her throat. “Uh, excuse me?” She asks, getting Brendon’s attention. “Do I get no love?”

Sarah lets go of him and steps aside, allowing him to lean down and give Breezy a hug. “Nice to see you again,” he says. “I see you’ve decorated your magical chair of mobility.”

She laughs as he pulls away, looking down at her wheelchair that’s now covered in a plethora of emoji stickers. “No, it was all Dallon,” she says. “He got bored last night so he bombarded me with outdated stickers. I swear,” she sighs, “I’m marrying a child tomorrow.”

Sarah grins, throwing her arms up in the air as she squeals. “Yeah!” She exclaims. “My best friend’s getting married!”

Brendon grimaces, covering his ears. “No offence Sar,” he starts, “but your unnecessary screeching is why I don’t date women anymore. Don’t get me wrong, you’re adorable, but no.”

Sarah drops her arms, shrugging indifferently. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

“Well, come on!” Breezy grins, gesturing for Brendon to grab the handlebars on the back of her wheelchair. When he does so, she points onward. “Let’s get you to Dallon. I know he’ll be thrilled to see you.”

~~

“This,” Dallon says with a breathy chuckle as he rests his head on Brendon’s chest, “is literally the gayest thing I’ve ever done.”

Brendon chuckles back, wrapping his arms around his best friend’s torso as they lay together on Dallon’s bed. “Man, you’ve been missing out then.”

Dallon smiles contently, nuzzling his cheek against Brendon’s clothed chest as his leg slots in between Brendon’s. “I’ve missed you, you know,” he says softly. “I thought you being famous meant I could go on tour with you and live my life, but no. You’re apparently too good for that.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Brendon teases. “I would have brought you along if I could, but then your radiating beauty and masculine charm would distract the paparazzi and I just can’t have that.”

“Yeah,” Dallon nods, “that’s a good point. Besides, I’m happier here anyways.” His arms tighten around him. “I have my Breezy, and as long as I have her, I’ll always be happy.”

Brendon’s face contorts into a disgusted expression. “Ugh, that’s gross!” He exclaims, his face melting into a soft smile after he finishes speaking. “But I’m proud of you both. I know the last four years haven’t been easy.”

Dallon sighs, his mood now deflated. “Ugh, I know right?” He asks. “Sometimes I wish it was me that got hurt in the accident, you know? That way I’d be dealing with everything, not her. She doesn’t deserve it.”

Brendon nods. “I know. I agree.”

“I’ve never told Breezy this,” Dallon warily starts, “but sometimes I still get dreams about the accident. The whole thing just replays in my head on a loop for the rest of the day after that, and it fucking sucks. I did everything I could that day, man. I really did. I stuck my arm out in front of her the second I saw that car swerve, and I held her hand until the paramedics got there. They tried to fuss over me, but I just kept saying that I was fine and to please just take care of my girlfriend. I remember it all like it was yesterday, and I think about it every time I see that wheelchair.”

Brendon says nothing, not sure of what to say. He never expected Dallon to open up about the accident, part of him being glad so he can not think about that part of their lives as much as possible. But now that Dallon’s opening up, Brendon won’t be the jackass that tells him to shut up and not kill the mood. When someone needs to vent, sometimes it’s best to just listen.

“But you know what?” Dallon asks, lifting his head and looking up at him. “It’s worth it. She’s still Breezy, nothing’s really changed. She’s still the same girl I fell in love with and continue to be in love with, and that’s never gonna change. Yeah, it sucks when people give us weird looks in restaurants. And yeah, it sucks when I have to help her go to the bathroom all the time. But all that means nothing to me, because if what we have is real, it shouldn’t matter. I loved her before, I love her during, and I’ll still love her after. It’s love, bitch.”

“Damn, Dal,” Brendon comments. “You’re gonna make me cry.”

“Just wait until the wedding,” Dallon smirks. “Once I get up to the altar, it’s over for you bitches.”

~~

Sarahah: CODE ROSE BOY CODE ROSE BOY

Jenna: WAIT WHAT

Sarahah: CODE ROSE BOY

Jenna: WERE CODES ESTABLISHED THAT I’M NOT AWARE OF

Febreezy: WTF IS GOING ON

Febreezy: SHIT CODE ROSE BOY IS IN EFFECT

Jenna: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

Dal Pal: RYAN HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING

Dal Pal: HE’S IN MY PARENT’S LIVING ROOM

Jenna: RYAN

Jenna: AS IN RYAN ROSS

Jenna: AS IN BRENDON’S EX

Jenna: AS IN BRENDON’S EX WHOM HE HASN’T SPOKEN A WORD TO IN THREE AND A HALF YEARS

Jenna: AS IN BRENDON’S EX WHOM HE HASN’T SPOKEN A WORD TO IN THREE AND A HALF YEARS BECAUSE THEY’RE BOTH SALTY BINCHES

Dal Pal: YES OF COURSE

Dal Pal: WHAT OTHER RYAN WOULD I BE TALKING ABOUT

Jenna: IDK RYAN GOSLING??? I KNOW B HAS A THING FOR HIM

Febreezy: WHO DOESN’T

Sarahah: *gay silence*

Sarahah: ANYWAYS

Sarahah: WHERE’S BRENDON

Dal Pal: STILL ASLEEP IN MY APARTMENT

Dal Pal: THAT FUCKER HOGGED MY BED AND I COULD BARELY LIFT HIM ONTO MY COUCH

Sarahah: HAS ANYONE TOLD HIM RYAN WILL BE HERE

Febreezy: I TOLD DALLON TO

Dal Pal: I TOLD JENNA TO

Jenna: I THOUGHT YOU WERE KIDDING

Dal Pal: I DON’T JOKE ABOUT LOVE, MS. BLACK

Febreezy: OH GOD WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING

Dal Pal: YES

Febreezy: DEAR LORD HELP US ALL

~~

“Damn Ryan, look at you!” Dallon smirks, sauntering over towards the timid brunet standing in the corner of Mrs. Weekes’ living room. “Are those earrings? Loving it!”

“Dallon, please,” Breezy gently interrupts. “Don’t scare him off, he just got here.”

“I’ve been here for half an hour,” Ryan corrects. “I was just hiding in the bathroom for most of the time.”

“I’m not gonna question your introvertive motives.” Dallon sighs, shaking his head. “Anyways, I have to go talk to my mom. I’ll talk to you later, Ry Guy.” With that, he pats Ryan’s shoulder before kissing Breezy’s forehead and walking away to find his mother, who’s off doing God knows what in the kitchen.

Breezy sighs, gently shaking her head before looking up at Ryan. “Well, hello. It’s been a while, what’s up with that?”

“Work and wanting to do nothing except be at home with ice cream,” Ryan explains. “You know you’re always free to come over whenever you want, you don’t have to wait for me to text you.”

“Yeah, but you know Dallon,” Breezy responds. “He hates letting me out of his sight, even just for a moment. He’s only making an exception now because there’s lots of people here.”

“I can’t blame him,” Ryan says. “I mean, can you?”

She shakes her head, sighing a bit. “No, I guess not.”

~~

Bren: DALLON YOU FUCKING BITCH

Bren: I SWEAR TO FUCKING CHRIST I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW

Dal Pal: ?

Bren: WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME HE WOULD BE HERE

Dal Pal: Whomst?

Bren: Don’t whomst me, you goddamn unsalted cactus

Bren: RYAN, YOU ASS

Dal Pal: Sigh

Dal Pal: Because I knew you’d get all weird and freak out

Bren: I’M NOT FREAKING OUT

Bren: Okay forget I said that

Dal Pal: Mm

Bren: Dude, we haven’t talked in years

Bren: He probably still hates me for everything that happened

Dal Pal: I seriously doubt he’d ever hate you

Bren: Wanna bet?

Dal Pal: Well yes but I know you don’t mean that so maybe not now

Bren: How the hell am I supposed to talk to him

Bren: I know you’re gonna make me so at least tell me how

Dal Pal: Just talk, my dude

Dal Pal: Be like “hey, what’s up?” and you’ll be fine

Bren: No

Bren: I don’t trust myself

Bren: Knowing me I’ll try to say that but I’ll end up inviting him to have a threesome with Lin-Manuel Miranda

Dal Pal: So either way it’s a win-win

Bren: I mean it’s really not but okay

Dal Pal: What did Lin ever do to you

Bren: Alright I’m ignoring you now

Dal Pal: Why am I not surprised

~~

“Okay, it’s okay,” Brendon breathes as he stares at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. “Just go up to him and ask what’s up. You can do it. If you can do it with Harry Styles, you can do it with Ryan.”

He nods to himself before washing his hands and walking out of the bathroom, repeating the words hey, what’s up in his mind as he turns to walk back into the crowded living room.

“Oh, hey.”

Brendon freezes, turning his head to the right and seeing who’s stopped beside him. His stomach drops down to his butt as he audibly gulps. “Oh, uh, hey Ryan.”

The boy who, even after four years is still the most beautiful thing Brendon’s ever seen, forces a small smile as he stuffs his hands in his jean pockets. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

Ryan nervously licks his lips. “I was just, uh,” he nods towards the bathroom, “coming to use the bathroom.”

“Oh. Good idea.” Brendon nods. “It’s a good bathroom. Lots of, uh...room. I can’t say the same for baths though. There’s only one. It’s very misleading.”

Ryan hates how that made him laugh. He quickly recovers, beginning to walk into the bathroom. “Well, I’ll see you later.”

Brendon nods again. “Yeah, totally.”

Ryan closes the bathroom door behind him, making Brendon realize he seriously needs to work on his conversation skills if he wants the next day or so to go smoothly.

~~

Ry: It’s official

Ry: He’s here

Z Berg: I read that in an overly ominous voice and now I’m pissing myself

Ry: NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR URINE MS. BERG

Z Berg: Okay okay the urine has stopped its flow calm yourself

Ry: First off, ew

Ry: Second off, I hate myself

Z Berg: Aw, poor babe

Z Berg: What for this time?

Ry: You remember what happened when B and I broke up right

Ry: And don’t call me babe we’re both extremely gay

Z Berg: Yeah I remember it all

Z Berg: All the tears

Z Berg: All the yelling

Z Berg: You had to buy a new phone because you threw yours at your wall

Z Berg: You couldn’t get out of bed for a week

Z Berg: You ate all my ice cream, which I’m STILL pissed about

Ry: Yeah, all that pointless exposition

Ry: You’d think I’d be over him by now after all that

Ry: I’ve dated other guys who haven’t hurt me that much and I still wasn’t satisfied

Ry: I thought I was over B but haha guess what

Z Berg: Oof

Ry: HE LOOKS SO GOOD Z

Ry: LIKE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

Ry: PICTURES AND VIDEOS DON’T DO HIM JUSTICE

Ry: HE LOOKS SO BEAUTIFUL AND IT MAKES ME SO MAD

Ry: WHY AM I LIKE THIS

Ry: WHEN WILL I LEARN

Z Berg: *insert ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES meme*

Ry: I had that coming

Z Berg: Damn right you did

Ry: But still

Ry: What do I do

Z Berg: Well, do you wanna get back together with him?

Ry: Yes

Ry: I mean no

Ry: Ugh

Ry: I don’t know

Z Berg: Why don’t you know?

Ry: Because I don’t wanna get hurt again but I’ve missed him

Ry: It’s not for a bullshit reason like I don’t wanna be single or anything

Ry: Being single is fine. More ice cream for me

Z Berg: Precisely

Ry: I don’t really know how to explain it but like??? I feel so pathetic even though I’m probably not???

Ry: Z you’re my honorary therapist what do I do

Z Berg: Find out if he’s missed you too

Z Berg: See if he has an explanation as to why he broke up with you out of the blue

Z Berg: In a text message, mind you 🙄

Z Berg: Get answers so I know whether or not to beat him up

Ry: Elizabeth

Z Berg: K fine, no beating him up

Z Berg: How about murdering him? I know a guy

Ry: You’re on thin fucking ice

Ry: You and your guy

Z Berg: You love me

Ry: Eh


	27. Epilogue: Weddings and Reunions (PART 2)

“Well, this has been an interesting night.” Brendon chuckles, startling Ryan as he sits down next to him on Dallon’s mother’s couch. “Remind me to never let Dallon near an empty beer bottle when he’s drunk ever again.”

Ryan nervously chuckles, shifting in his spot as he balances his bottle of non-alcoholic beer in between his thighs. “Yeah, that would be a good idea,” he replies, his eyes fixed on the mahogany coffee table in front of them.

“So, how’ve you been?” Brendon asks, leaning back and giving Ryan all of his attention just like he used to. “What’s Ryan Ross been up to?”

Ryan shrugs, shuddering as he looks up and notices the way Brendon’s looking at him just like he always has; his eyes a bit glossy, a dazed smile on his lips that always managed to make Ryan’s heart feel like static. “Not much,” he says. “Z and I are getting ready to open up a vet clinic, so that’s something I guess.”

“You guess?” Brendon asks incredulously. “Ryan, back when we first started dating you went on an hour-long rant about how much you wanted to be a veterinarian someday. You’re living your best life, man. I’m proud.”

“Thanks,” Ryan mutters. “Your compliments mean nothing to me, but thanks.”

“Ouch,” Brendon grimaces. “That was a little uncalled for, don’t you think?”

Ryan narrows his eyes at him, internally beating himself up for changing the topic but figuring that now is the only time he’ll ever have the courage to tell Brendon off. “You breaking up with me over text was a little uncalled for, but go on.”

Brendon scoffs. “Ryan, are you seriously not over that?” He asks. “Dude, that happened four years ago. Get over yourself.”

“It happened three and a half years ago, for your information,” Ryan snaps.

“Oh, so you’ve been counting?” Brendon apathetically laughs. “Wow, that’s just sad. You’re fucking sad, Ross.”

“Fuck you,” Ryan spits. “You’re an asshole, you know that? You don’t do that to someone over text. You never even offered me an explanation, you just said we’re over and you’re off with someone else.”

“You never asked for one,” Brendon retorts.

“I shouldn’t have felt the need to,” Ryan replies. “Who were you even with, anyway?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“Bullshit,” Ryan snaps. “I fucking loved you, Brendon. Why couldn’t you find it in yourself to love me back?”

Brendon’s angry expression turns into a hurt one. “I did love you,” he says, his voice softer than he intended it to be. “I loved you more than anything in the world.”

“So what happened?” Ryan asks. He hates how desperate and absolutely broken he sounds. “What did I do to make you suddenly stop loving me? What caused all this?”

Brendon shakes his head. “You didn’t do anything,” he starts, “but if I tell you what happened, you might not believe me.”

Ryan crosses his arms, turning to fully face the star in front of him. “Oh yeah?” He asks. “Try me.”

Brendon sighs. “I have no idea how to word what happened, so bear with me, okay?”

Ryan nods. “Go ahead.”

~~

“Oh, B.” Sarah coos as she runs her fingers through a lightly sobbing Brendon’s hair, his head on her lap. “I’m sorry.”

He sighs, his eyes shut as the cold nighttime wind brushes against his skin. “Don’t be,” he croaks. “I’m the one that fucked up.”

Sarah sighs, frowning down at him as she uses her legs to push them back and forth as they sit on her mom’s outdoor swing chair. “I don’t know what to tell you,” she says after a moment of silence. “You explained yourself. That’s all you could have done.”

“I could have done more,” Brendon replies. “I could have not lost my temper. I could have told him that no matter who I was with, I was always subconsciously thinking about him.” He opens his eyes, looking up at her. “I should have kissed him. I don’t even know if it would have ended well, but at least I would have done it at least one last time. I’m gonna have to live the rest of my life knowing that I had one last chance to make things right, and I blew it.”

“You didn’t blow it,” Sarah says. “You still have tomorrow.”

“Yeah, but what if-”

“No,” she cuts him off. “No what ifs on my porch.”

“It’s technically your mom’s porch-”

“There will also be no sass on my porch,” she retorts. “Brendon, you’re the most romantic guy I know. If you managed to make Ryan fall for you once, don’t you think it can happen again?”

“No,” Brendon mournfully answers. “I got lucky the first time. I don’t know how to do what I did again to make him change his mind. Besides, I fucking broke his heart. He wouldn’t come back to me, even if he wanted to because he’s smarter than that.”

“Well, if he were to hypothetically give you another chance, would you break his heart again?”

Brendon’s eyes widen as he frantically shakes his head. “Oh, fuck no,” he says. “God no, never again. I’d treat him like the fucking king that he is.” He sits up, turning to face Sarah. “I’d take him to everywhere he’s ever wanted to go, and I’d write him any type of song he’s ever been in the mood for. I’d buy us a huge house so we can get dogs and raise them as we grow old and senile, which kind of really sucks on its own, but the arthritis and grey hair will be worth it because I’ll be going through all that with him. But before all that I’d do everything in my power to make sure he stays happy, because for some fucking reason I’m still absolutely crazy about him even after all these years.”

Sarah smiles at him, gently nodding at his words. “Okay,” she says. “Make sure he knows that. Even if nothing happens, just make sure he knows that.”

“How?”

“I think you’re the only one who knows the answer to that, Bren.”

~~

Dal Pal: BROS

Dal Pal: HOES

Dal Pal: NEITHER OF THOSE

Dal Pal: GUESS WHAT TODAY IS

Jenna: ANNOY SQUIDWARD DAY???

Sarahah: YOU’RE A MONTH OFF BABE

Dal Pal: IT’S MY WEDDING DAY YOU STALE TORTILLAS

Febreezy: Why do I feel a hurricane coming on

Dal Pal: BECAUSE MY LOVE FOR YOU IS CATASTROPHIC

Jenna: That was so aggressive oh my

Dal Pal: JUST WAIT UNTIL THE WEDDING

Dal Pal: ONCE I SAY MY VOWS IT’S OVER FOR YOU BITCHES

Febreezy: I don’t doubt it

Sarahah: Am I gonna cry

Dal Pal: A FUCKING RIVER

Sarahah: Dear lord almighty

~~

“Can we just take a moment?” Jenna asks, zooming into Breezy’s face with her video camera. “She’s in a wheelchair and she still looks better than all of us.”

Breezy smirks, resting her hands on her hips as Sarah applies blush to her cheeks. “Oh please,” she teases. “I looked better than all of you even before I got in this wheelchair. My spine ain’t got nothing on you snitches.”

“We love a self-confident Breezy, but please stop moving,” Sarah pleads. “I can’t do my job if you keep squirming.”

Breezy sighs. “Well, sorry. I’m just excited since, you know, I’m kind of marrying the love of my life today.”

Sarah shares a grin with Jenna, turning back to Breezy with a soft smile. “Yeah, you are.”

There’s a knock on the dressing room door, and Ryan pokes his head in with his hand covering his eyes. “Is she decent?”

“A solid ten out of ten, if I do say so myself,” Breezy replies.

Ryan chuckles, dropping his hand and feeling his eyes widen at the bride in front of a vanity mirror. “Jesus Christ,” he mutters. “No hetero, but you look gorgeous.”

She laughs. “Wow, thanks. Do you think Dallon will think so too?”

Jenna narrows her eyes at her. “Are you seriously asking us that question? Dallon would think you’re beautiful even if you were covered in cow manure.”

Dallon suddenly turns into the room, a blindfold adorning his face and covering his eyes as he finger-guns Jenna’s general direction. “Well smack, you’re right Miss Black!”

“Dallon!” Sarah drops her makeup and bolts towards him, turning him around and pushing him out the door. “The groom isn’t supposed to see the bride before the wedding!”

“That’s why Brendon gave me a blindfold, you swine,” he retorts. “I just wanna hear my soon-to-be-wife’s voice, that’s all.”

“Go back to your dressing room,” Breezy giggles. “I have a surprise for you for when I roll down the aisle.”

Dallon smirks. “Oh?”

“Yup,” Breezy grins. “But you won’t get it if you don’t get out of here and let Sarah do my makeup.”

“Alright,” Dallon sighs, “fine. But only because I love surprises.”

As soon as he leaves (crashing into a plant in the hall before taking his blindfold off), everyone in the room turns to Breezy. “A surprise?” Ryan asks. “You never told us about a surprise.”

Breezy’s grin gets bigger. “I know. And you aren’t gonna find out until I roll down the aisle either.”

Jenna groans. “Ugh, seriously?” She asks. “That’s just cruel. I thought we were your friends.”

“Oh, did you?” Breezy asks. “What a pity. You must be pretty disappointed.”

Sarah sighs. “Just let me finish your makeup, you beautiful son of a bitch.”

~~

“The wedding has barely even started,” Ryan states. “Why are you already drinking?”

Brendon shrugs, closing his silver flask and tucking it in his suit breast pocket. “Eh, why not?” He asks. “The only way I can cope with my best friend of ten million years getting married is by getting through today not as sober as I should be.”

Ryan nods, forcing a small laugh. “Yeah, I get that.”

Brendon checks his surroundings, making sure he and Ryan are alone in the hall they’re awkwardly standing in before he takes a step closer. “Ry, I’ve been meaning to-”

“No,” Ryan cuts him off. “Today is Dallon and Breezy’s day. Not ours. I’m not talking about this now.”

“But when can we talk about it?” Brendon asks. “I have a flight back to L.A as soon as the wedding ends.”

“Maybe you should have thought of that before storming off last night,” Ryan snaps. “Seriously Brendon, fuck off with this. I don’t wanna be in a pissy mood when my best friends get married, so don’t fuck it up for any of us.”

Brendon sighs. “Fine,” he mutters, making Ryan feel bad.

The brunet sighs too, his hands in his suit pockets as he has a very vivid fantasy of kissing Brendon’s frown away before getting on his knees- “Hey, Brendon?” Ryan asks. “How about we just put this behind us, only for tonight, and just be friends?”

Brendon smiles, nodding. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Places!” Sarah screeches from down the hall. “Guys, everything is about to start! Get in the nave so we can get this over with!”


	28. Epilogue: Weddings and Reunions (PART 3)

Okay, Brendon thinks to himself, I’m sitting next to Ryan during my best friend’s wedding. He wants to be friends, and that’s great. That’s exactly how things started off back when I first met him. Maybe I should listen to Sarah’s advice for once and do what I did back then to win him over again. If it works, great! If not, at least I tried and I can live with knowing that I’m a failure at everything. Nothing can go wrong here.

“Did Breezy mention a surprise to you?” Ryan suddenly asks, snapping Brendon out of his thoughts.

He shakes his head. “Nope, why?”

“Apparently she has some huge surprise for Dallon that’s gonna come into effect when she goes down the aisle,” Ryan explains. “She’s not telling anyone what it is, so I was just wondering if you knew.”

Brendon shakes his head. “I may know everything,” he says, “but there are some things I just do not know.”

Ryan raises an eyebrow at him. “You realize how contradicting that is, right?”

Brendon chuckles. “Yeah, I know. It’s my specialty.”

Ryan sighs, shaking his head as he fights off a smile. “Well, you’re not wrong there.” He turns his head to glance out the window, ending their small conversation.

Brendon silently sighs, looking down at his folded hands that rest in his lap before looking at Ryan’s that rest on his bony knees. All Brendon wants to be able to do is lace their fingers together, maybe even kiss the back of Ryan’s hand and watch his cheeks turn a light shade of red, but he knows he can’t. Not now. Not anymore.

He’s startled by Here Comes The Bride beginning to play, prompting him and everyone else in the nave to stand up and turn to take a look at the bride. Brendon zones out while the bridesmaids walk down the aisle, one of Dallon’s many cousins with each of them as they make their way to the front of the room.

Dallon takes a deep breath as Breezy turns the corner, her father pushing her wheelchair that’s been decorated with lily petals as they come forward. Dallon breaks out into a huge grin when he sees his bride, earning an even bigger one back from her as she gestures for her dad to stop. He does, and she whispers something to him. He takes her bouquet, standing back with a proud look on his face as he carefully studies his daughter.

“What’s going on?” Brendon whispers in Ryan’s ear, earning a shrug back.

Breezy turns back to her groom, smiling sweetly as she places her hands on the armrests of her wheelchair. She takes a deep breath as the guests hold theirs, closing her eyes for a split second as she pushes herself up into a standing position.

Everyone collectively gasps, Dallon’s knees buckling as the crowd goes wild with applause. Brendon spots Sarah jumping up from her seat and tackling Breezy in a hug, swaying her side to side as Jenna joins in. They pull away after at least a minute, Sarah frantically wiping away her tears so they don’t mess up her makeup. She and Jenna sit back down as Breezy takes the bouquet back from her father, holding onto his arm as they continue to make their way down the aisle.

Brendon turns and sees Dallon has his mouth covered, his shoulders heaving from how much he’s crying. His eyes stay on Breezy as she makes her way in front of him, kissing her dad on his cheek before standing directly in front of him.

“Well,” the priest starts, “this was definitely a lovely surprise. Dallon certainly seems speechless.”

He really is. He removes his hands from his mouth, grinning at his bride as he chuckles. “Oh my God,” he says. “How...what...when?”

Breezy giggles at that. “I’ll tell you later.”

~~

Ryan’s not the kind of guy to cry at weddings, or even in general. But when the time comes for Dallon and Breezy to exchange their wedding vows, he throws his last shred of dignity out the window.

Breezy’s the one to go first, gently taking Dallon’s hands and gently smiling at him. “Dal,” she starts, “before I go into what I have planned I believe I owe you an explanation. When I first got in the accident, the doctors weren’t sure whether or not I’d walk again, remember?” Dallon nods. “So we got me into physiotherapy and I tried for a long time to try and walk again, but nothing worked. I was in a horrible mental state, which really didn’t help at all, and I eventually got too frustrated and gave up. I attempted to live my life in that wheelchair instead of seemingly wasting my time on therapy, but one night I just got sick of it. I was so tired of sitting around, not doing anything and allowing myself to wallow in my own self pity instead of continuing to get help, even if it seemed futile at the time. I knew I wanted to marry you and I didn’t want to do that in a wheelchair, so I went behind your back and told you I was hanging out with my friends when I was actually at physiotherapy. I wanted to tell you so badly, but I wanted it to be a surprise. Judging by your overall reaction, I’m assuming it worked.”

He nods. “It did,” he says. “It really did.”

“I’m glad I could return the favor,” she says, “because everyday with you is a surprise. I wake up every morning wondering if you’re gonna bedazzle my wheelchair or if you’re gonna try to break down Mariah Carey lyrics over a bowl of cereal. You’re an unpredictable maniac who took my life by storm and, while I used to hate surprises, I somehow managed to fall in love with one that luckily fell in love with me back. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted; I’ve always wanted a guy who can make me laugh, is good with kids, a pro at spooning, and will always be there for me no matter what. I used to lay awake at night terrified that you’d get fed up with always having to take care of me, but everyday you’d prove me wrong and make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Dallon, I promise to love and support you just like you have with me all these years. You’re my favorite person, and I can’t wait for you to give me more reasons to think so.”

Brendon leans towards Ryan, whispering, “but no hetero though.” The brunet bites his lip to hold back a snicker.

Dallon sniffles. “Breezy,” he shakily starts, “thanks for totally one-uping me in wedding vows. God, I don’t know how I’ll be able to top that.” Breezy giggles. “But seriously,” he continues, “you don’t have to repay me in any way. I didn’t take care of you because I felt I had to, I took care of you because I wanted to. I fell in love with you before the accident, and you were still the same Breezy after it, so why would I want to leave that? And you know, I never thought I’d admit this, but you make a really good salad.” Brendon loudly gasps, earning a slap on the thigh from Ryan as Dallon continues. “I’m not one to deny myself of really good food,” he states, “so here I am and here I’ll stay. Not only that, but you’re literally my world. When I first met you, it felt like everything revolved around you. You were like God and I was the universe, bending at your will whenever you wanted. Of course I got over that since I know you’re obviously not the god in this relationship, but you’re the closest thing to a goddess in the world and I’m ready to treat you like it for the rest of our lives. I love you, and that’s all I have planned since someone wanted me to go to bed early last night.”

“Am I crying?” Brendon asks Ryan, tears running down his face. “I think I’m actually crying.”

“You’re not alone.” Ryan sniffles, wiping his eyes with a tissue. “Want a-”

“Yes please.” Brendon nods, gladly accepting a tissue.

~~

Dal Pal: BRENDON WHERE YOU AT

Brendick: I’M IN THE BATHROOM CRYING WHAT THE EVERLASTING HELL DO YOU WANT

Dal Pal: IT’S ALMOST SPEECH TIME SO GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE AND SPEECH IT UP

Brendick: WHY THE HELL AM I SPEECHING THINGS UP

Dal Pal: BECAUSE YOU’RE MY BEST MAN YOU GREEN GRAPE

Brendick: What

Dal Pal: Wait did I not tell you

Brendick: No you did not

Dal Pal: I could’ve sworn I did though

Brendick: Well you did not

Dal Pal: ANYWAYS

Dal Pal: GET OUT HERE AND MAKE US CRY

Brendick: I HAVE TO FINISH CRYING MYSELF FIRST

Dal Pal: HOW LONG WILL THAT TAKE

Brendick: I DON’T KNOW I DON’T HAVE A TEAR CLOCK

Dal Pal: WE SHOULD TOTALLY MAKE THAT A THING

Brendick: I MEAN NO WE SHOULDN’T BUT OKAY

Dal Pal: STOP SPITTING ON MY DREAMS YOU FART

Brendick: WHY CAN’T I JUST CRY IN PEACE WITHOUT BEING ATTACKED

Dal Pal: BECAUSE WE NEED SOMEONE TO GET MY DRUNK UNCLE OFF THE DANCE FLOOR

Brendick: I DON’T WANNA GET ON YOUR UNCLE’S BAD SIDE HE’S NICE

Dal Pal: IF YOU GO UP ON STAGE AND TALK YOU’LL BE FINE

Dal Pal: NOW DIGEST YOUR TEARS AND GO OUT AND MAKE US CRY

Brendick: You’re aggressive when you get married

Dal Pal: DON’T GET USED TO IT

~~

“I have nothing prepared because I wasn’t informed I’d be doing this until like two minutes ago,” Brendon starts, a microphone in his shaking hand as he stands on a conveniently placed stage in a banquet hall, “but I’m gonna try to make this as smooth as possible. I’m sober, so let’s see how that goes.”

Ryan snickers in amusement, sitting back in his chair as he waits to see what his ex is about to do. He glances over at Dallon, who’s smirking to himself as he secretly records his best friend from his table with his phone.

“Dallon James Weekes,” Brendon starts, avoiding eye contact with anyone. “What a guy, am I right? He’s funny, handsome, sweet, and a huge pain in the ass. I’m not even sure how long I’ve known him, because it feels like forever even though I think it was sometime in middle school or something. We bonded over our mutual love of South Park and energy drinks, and we spent every lunch break catcalling any bird or squirrel that came anywhere near us. He was my first friend that my parents actually approved of, which meant he could come over every Friday night for a sleepover where we’d play with our Pokemon cards, which was totally a cool thing to do in middle school, and we’d have those deep philosophical conversations about why humanity is so corrupt and how it’s totally unfair that they only sell ketchup chips in Canada. It got to the point where we’d tell each other literally everything and we knew everything about each other, and I can’t tell you how awesome that felt. He’s literally the coolest guy I know, and there won’t ever be a day where I won’t think that.

“Fast forward to high school, where we began to turn into our own people. I grew out of South Park and he grew out of Pokemon, but we didn’t let that stop us. This dude literally beat a guy up who was teasing me, even though we had gotten into a fight the night before and weren’t speaking. I had to transfer schools because of it but he still made sure to come over every chance he got so he could tell me about what my old classmates were up to. He accepted me when I told him I thought I was gay, he was there for me when I came out to my family, and he aggressively threatened my first boyfriend so he’d know not to break my heart. He’s pretty much always here for me, even when I’m being annoying. He’s talked me out of a lot of really bad decisions over the years, and even encouraged me to make decisions that brought me to where I am today. Dal,” Brendon pauses, turning towards his best friend with a small grin on his face, “you’re my best friend. My dude. My homeslice. My confidant. My senpai. The peanut to my butter. I’m so proud of you, and Breezy is one lucky girl for being able to see you everyday for the rest of your life. When and if you have kids, I want at least one named Brendon, regardless of gender. That is all. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.” He drops the microphone onto the stage, walking off with his hands in his pockets as Dallon stands up looking alarmed.

“Wait,” he calls, “you didn’t say no homo!”

“I know!”


	29. Epilogue: Weddings and Reunions (PART 4)

“Ryan, come dance!”

The brunet groans as Brendon takes his hands, dragging him onto the dancefloor as some pop song plays in the background. Brendon lets his hands go, putting his own on his hips as he attempts to twerk to the beat. “Is this how you do it?” He asks. “Is this how you do the twerk?”

Ryan hates himself for finding that funny. “Yeah, sure. Whatever.”

Brendon stops, frowning at him. “Why aren’t you dancing?” He asks. “Don’t just stand there, man. Let yourself go. Have fun.”

“You know I don’t dance,” Ryan replies. “I look stupid.”

“And what,” Brendon twirls around on his heels, “you think I,” he snaps his fingers in time to the beat of the song as he tap dances, “look like Shakira?” He drops his hands, his dancing now coming to a halt as Ryan fights back a laugh. “Everyone looks stupid dancing at a wedding. You’re not special. You’ll look stupider if you just stand there not doing anything. So stop your whining and dance with me.”

Ryan sighs. “Fine, but don’t judge me.”

Brendon smiles, subtly winking at him. “Never, baby boy. Now come on.”

Ryan ignores the old nickname as he shifts his body weight from one foot to another, awkwardly swaying side to side to the beat. Brendon goes back to dancing, a mix between twerking and whatever he was doing beforehand, while Ryan awkwardly watches him.

Sarah’s drunkenly leading a small conga line behind them, laughing hysterically as Jenna and Breezy follow behind her screeching the lyrics to the next song that’s playing. It’s a little too upbeat for Ryan’s liking, but he’s in no position to complain. He’s about to give up dancing altogether until he turns back to Brendon and feels his heart nearly leap out of his chest at the sight of him adorably grinning to himself, spinning around without a care in the world as he sings along to the song.

Jesus, is all Ryan can think to himself. I’m so, deeply, incredibly fucked.

~~

Brendon: Meet me in our park right after the wedding

Ryan: ?

Brendon: Don’t question it

Ryan: I mean I will because I kinda don’t wanna be murdered

Brendon: You won’t, you’ll be fine

Ryan: Hm

Ryan: Fine

~~

Ryan gets to their old park five minutes before Brendon does, sitting down on a bench and sitting in silence as he waits. He has no idea what Brendon wants to talk to him about, but that doesn’t make him any less nervous. He keeps his eyes cast down to the ground, getting so lost in his own thoughts that he barely registers Brendon sitting down beside him.

“I haven’t been in this park in years,” he says after a few moments of silence, getting Ryan’s attention. “It looks the exact same, but it feels different.”

“Don’t bother with the small talk,” Ryan gently interrupts him. “I know you didn’t ask me to come here to talk about the park, so just spit it out.”

Brendon nods to himself, taking a deep breath before speaking. “After we had that talk last night, I realized some things,” he says. “I realized that I was more of an asshole to you than I thought I was.” He waits for Ryan to say something, unsure whether or not to be relieved when he gets silence. “I’m not gonna try to justify anything I’ve done, because I know that no amount of apologies will make up for how badly things ended. I’m not gonna tell you how much I’ve been beating myself up since it happened, since I know you don’t want to hear it. But I am going to tell you that I had a plan today. I had a plan to do everything I did back then to make you fall for me again.”

Ryan’s head snaps up. “Wha-”

“I couldn’t go through with it,” Brendon continues. “Every time I’d try I’d chicken out. I felt like I’d make things too awkward between us, and I didn’t want to risk it because everything was so nice. I felt like maybe, just maybe, things could go back to normal. But I know that I can’t ask that of you because that’s unfair.”

“You’re damn right it is.”

 

“Can I finish?” Brendon asks, waiting for Ryan’s shy nod. “Thank you. Now, just know I’m not asking you to get back together with me. I’m not asking you to change your mind, drop everything, and come with me. I wouldn’t do that, especially not now. I just wanted to tell you how I feel before I leave. I have no idea when I’ll see you next, if I even will at all, so I just wanted to get this off my chest.” He nervously licks his lips, hating how Ryan’s now looking down at the ground and not at him. It’s just making things worse. “I still have feelings for you,” Brendon admits, making Ryan freeze. “It’s like, you listen to a band for a while, and you really like them, and you drift away from it and think you don’t really like it that much until you hear that band again in a store or something and you realize how much you still love it. I always heard that you’ll never be over someone until you can handle being in the same room as them, and I always thought that was such bullshit until now.”

Ryan shakily licks his lips. “B-”

Brendon doesn’t let him finish. “But, more than anything in the world,” he continues, “I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve to be broken up with like that. You deserve someone who will love and respect you for the rest of your life, and I won’t get in the way of you finding that. I just needed to let you know how I feel. Who knows when I’ll see you again.”

Ryan says nothing, not sure what to say. They sit in silence for a few more moments before Brendon softly sighs, getting up and facing Ryan. “Well, that’s it. It was nice seeing you again, Ryan.”

Ryan keeps his eyes fixed on the grass as he hears Brendon’s footsteps travel further and further away from him until they’re inaudible. Fuck, is all he can think. Jesus fuck.


	30. Epilogue: Weddings and Reunions (PART 5)

Six months later...

The venue is big. Really big. It has so many seats, way more than he can count, and the people in them mostly appear to be teenage girls with their parents. Some of them have little pride flags, causing a small smile to spread across his face. Some people have little golden suns painted on their cheeks, some already smudged before the concert even starts, and it all looks so pure to him. Like a pure display of outcasts getting together and feeling included in something for once; like they're puzzle pieces in the puzzle of life, where no one knew exactly where they belonged until they set foot in the venue tonight. He knows he'd have done anything to have something like this when he was in high school.

He watches the two opening bands from his seat, a grin growing on his face as the second band ends their set and more fans begin to pile into the venue. To him, this is all so magical. So foreign. He never expected anyone to actually care about the message he stands for, but man does it make him feel like he can fly.

His thought process is cut off when Sarah pokes her head in his dressing room. "B," she softly calls, his eyes leaving the small television broadcasting what's happening on stage and focusing on her. "It's nearly time. Are you ready?"

He lifts himself off of the leather couch, taking one last look in the mirror in front of him before turning to grin at her. "Do you even have to ask?"

~~

It's exhilarating, playing shows in front of that many people. Brendon never had to play in small venues, so he has nothing to compare large ones to, but he thinks he'd still choose the big venues over the small ones every single time. To him, there's something about seeing that many people in the audience, waving pride flags around and singing along to the most intimate and non-intimate words he's ever written, that makes him feel so right; like his existence really does matter, he himself has always mattered, and he's capable of more than he originally anticipated. Brendon really is where he belongs, and he couldn't ask for anything else.

Well-

"I think I fried my vocal chords." He tells Dallon over the phone, plopping down onto the couch in his dressing room after his show as his voice cracks. "I don't even know why I'm calling you instead of just texting. My brain is fried, man. Everything is fried."

"And not baked?" Dallon questions. "Man, that sucks. I remember when you used to play shows as high as a kite."

Brendon groans. "God, don't remind me," he pleads. "It felt nice in the moment, but the aftermath sucked."

"Like making a baby," Dallon agrees. "Oh, speaking of which, I have something to tell you."

Brendon's eyes widen as he jumps off the couch. "You didn't."

Dallon suddenly bursts into laughter. "Oh God no, I didn't," he replies. "I can't get pregnant, you precipitated toilet paper roll. Breezy, however, is a completely different story." He ironically chuckles. "Uteruses, am I right?"

Brendon blinks. "Wait, so she's...you guys are..."

"You're gonna be an uncle, Brendon."

Brendon squeals, erratically jumping up and down with one fist in the air. "Fuck yeah, man!" He exclaims. "Now you can finally name a kid Brendon like I know you've always wanted to!"

Dallon laughs. "Okay, we'll see about that."

"When did you find out?" Brendon asks, plopping down on the couch and crossing his legs. "Tell me everything, sister."

"We took a few pregnancy tests three months ago," Dallon starts, "and they were all negative except for one. We took a few more and two were positive, so we went to the doctor to see if she was pregnant or in the midst of being taken down by some disease. It turned out that the negative pregnancy tests were bitch ass liars, and we're expecting a baby. We didn't wanna tell anyone outside of our immediate family until the second trimester in case something happened. This is our first baby, we didn't wanna jinx it."

"Dal, this-" Brendon laughs. "This is so fucking cool! You're gonna be a dad!"

"I know!" Dallon exclaims. "God, it's gonna be so weird having a little me running around. Let's hope they get my amazing sense of humor and my dry wit." There's shuffling on his end of the line, and he says, "sorry man, I gotta go. We're babysitting my brother's kid as practise and the little dude is demanding we watch Frozen with him."

Brendon grimaces. "Yikes. You're in my prayers, Dal."

"Thank you. I appreciate it."

There's suddenly a knock on the door, and Sarah pokes her head in. "Brendon, I have something for you."

"I have something for you too," he replies. "A question. Why would you knock if you're just gonna walk in anyways?"

Dallon bursts into ironic laughter. "Wow, good one B!"

Sarah rolls her eyes. "Man, I've known you since we were fetuses," she says. "We took baths together before we even knew what baths were. I've seen you run around your neighborhood wearing nothing except for a Spider-Man shirt. I've seen too much to care anymore."

Brendon sighs. "Fair enough. What is it?"

"The suspense is killing me-ow!" Dallon exclaims. "How does a three-year-old know how to wield a toy train like a machete?"

Sarah smirks, stepping aside as an all too familiar face slowly steps into the room. Brendon feels his body go simultaneously cold and hot at the same time, watching the brunet in front of him slowly begin to smile. "Hey, Brendon," he says.

"R-Ryan?" Brendon asks, his voice cracking. "I'll call you back," he says into his phone before ending the call and turning back to Ryan.

"I'll leave you two alone." Sarah says, leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

Brendon clears his throat, gesturing to the space on the couch next to him. "Have a-a seat, yeah, that's what that is."

Ryan nods, walking over and sitting next to him on the couch. His hands, which were originally awkwardly stuffed in his pockets, now rest on his thighs as he glances over at Brendon. "So, uh." He gestures to the room. "This is a nice dressing room you've got here."

"Yeah?" Brendon asks, watching Ryan nod. "Thanks. I'm in so many a year, it's like a one night stand with more commitment and little to no risk of getting HIV."

"'Little to no'-I'm not even gonna ask."

Brendon snickers, deciding to get straight to the point. "So," he starts, "what brings you to my relaxation chambers?"

"What?" Ryan asks. "I'm not allowed to come out and see one of your infamous shows?"

Brendon raises a dubious eyebrow at him. "Tell the truth, honey."

Ryan sighs. "Fine. The truth is," he awkwardly shifts in his seat, "I wanted to talk to you."

"Okay." Brendon nods. "Talk to me."

Ryan lets out a soft sigh, looking down at the floor. "I know I'm, like, six months late, but I had to think."

Brendon's eyebrow goes higher, if possible. "About what?"

"About what you said." Ryan says, turning and looking at him. "About how you feel, and how I feel, and everything in between."

Brendon nods again. "Alright," he says. "And...?"

"You never really gave me a chance to say what I wanted to say," Ryan answers. "So, I came here to do just that." He shakily inhales, trying so hard not to get scared and talk to the floor and not who he came to see in the first place. "Brendon, I love you. I always have, and I always will. I don't think there will ever be a time where I don't love you. You have no idea how badly I wanted to go after you when you left after the wedding. I got in my car and drove halfway to the airport before talking myself out of it and going home. In that moment I didn't care about anything else except making sure you knew how I felt, but then I got to thinking and I realized I couldn't do what I wanted to do. I couldn't ask you to stay, because you have a career you have to maintain. I couldn't drop everything and leave to be with you, because that's not how life works unless you're in the Witness Protection Program. All the reasons I had originally not wanted to go with you were out of the picture and I was faced with real reasons why I should have gone with you when you first left. I let stupid, absolutely bullshit insecurities cloud my mind and get in the way of going with you. I spent months after you left watching you live your life on social media, and I felt so left out. I felt so stupid for thinking that, since it was literally my fault I wasn't there with you, and I felt like our breakup was my fault. I felt like I had done something to make you suddenly change your mind and not love me anymore, and I hated it so much. I cried for ages, it was pathetic. There were some days where I couldn't even get out of bed."

"Ry," Brendon softly coos.

"But I moved past that," Ryan continues. "I pulled my head out of my ass at Elizabeth's request and was able to finally afford a therapist, and I went to her for about three years about everything wrong that's ever happened in my life and she gave me coping mechanisms that didn't involve overeating or crying until your face hurts. I feel way better now, better than I have in a long time, and I'm willing to try again if you are."

Brendon blinks. "Wow, I-I-"

"I'll have you know that Elizabeth and I are opening our clinic in L.A," Ryan states. "If we wait until you're not on tour anymore, it won't be long distance."

For a while, Brendon does nothing. He just sits and stares, his knee bouncing up and down as he thinks. Eventually he slowly begins to grin, moving himself closer to Ryan. "Casanova," he says, "you just made my entire night."

At that, Ryan grins. He rests his hand on the couch, feeling his cheeks beginning to heat up as Brendon turns it around and slowly laces their fingers together. "There's just one thing," Ryan breathes, waiting for Brendon to nod before continuing. "I don't wanna rush into things. I want to go slow, just like we did the first time."

Brendon nods. "Okay." He gives Ryan's hand a reassuring squeeze. "I can do that." They smile at each other, at a loss for words until Brendon's eyes trail down to the bottom of Ryan's face, a small, "can I kiss you?" escaping from his lips.

Ryan nods, his cheeks beginning to hurt from how much he's smiling. "I've been wanting you to for the past six months."

And all is well, and the rest is history.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This is a repost from my Wattpad @joshie-joseph, so if you're interested please feel free to follow me on there and check out my other works!


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